The Guinea Pig

I live in a house of boys. I understand the whole "boy and his dog" concept. Thankfully, I am allergic to dogs which eliminates us ever having to have one. Now, before you think I am an animal hater, it really is not that. I love animals as long as they belong to someone else. I have plenty of living things around here to care for, love, and clean up after. But, from time to time, we have to deal with the, "can I have a _____________?" question.

This week it was a guinea pig. Jeffrey just finished studying family pets at school and it tickled his "I want" bug. He checked out a family pets book from the library and brought it home. I was rocking and feeding Andrew earlier in the week, and here comes Jeffrey.

Let me read to you and Andrew, he says.

So he piles in the chair and starts reading. This is one of those warm and fuzzy mommy moments. I have my oldest and youngest together. They are both clean and smell fresh. Jeffrey snuggles in.

Mom, I really want a guinea pig.

Tell me all about it...

And so his sales pitch begins...

I would take great care of it, he starts. I would love it, clean its cage, and feed it. It could keep me company, mom. When I need to poop, it could sit on my lap. When I am alone in my room, and you need to take care of the other boys, I would have a friend.

His big brown eyes are getting bigger. He is selling hard now, and gaining momentum. He has never gotten this far with the sales pitch before, and he knows it. He is working me, pushing my buttons, selling the features and benefits and going for the "close." Jeff was so proud. He's a natural salesman, he says.

I tell him I have to talk to daddy and pray about it. I am having guinea pig weakness. Jeffrey is such a great kid, I am thinking. He hardly ever asks for anything. He is great with his brothers. His life has had to change dramatically in the last two years and he has never complained. I am dangerously close to saying yes and I know it. Time for bed, I declare.

24 hours and a night's sleep later, I am feeling more sane. A guinea pig? What was I thinking? Jeff and I look on-line to research them. How to clip your guinea pig's nails. No way, I think, I just clipped Andrew's, Blake's and Brantley's fingernails. I can't handle any more. I ask Jeff, are you willing to take full care of the pig. No, he replies. The deal is over. Sanity reigns, and the Voth's will remain a pet-free zone. Now, we just have to tell Jeffrey. Ugh, telling Jeffrey. Ugh, he has been asking Jesus for a guinea pig, and I have to tell him that Jesus said NO.

So, I caved. He loves chess, so I went to the mall and bought him a chess board. $19.99. Much cheaper than a guinea pig. I hope the bribe works.

Buddy, I tell him, I have bad news. It's about the guinea pig.

His eyes fill with tears.

I explain that we cannot take on a pet right now. Then I tell him that Blake will squash it and Brantley will call it a "doggie." (anything with hair is a doggie to Brantley.) We can't have this happen, I explain, and, oh, by the way, I got you that chess set you have been wanting forever.

The tears disapper and excitement comes over him. You did??? Really??? Can we play it when we get home? Thoughts of the guinea pig fade.

Now, I fully understand that I should have been able to tell him no to the guinea pig without the chess set bribe, but sometimes a mom has to do what she has to do, and this was one of those times. And at the end of the day, I am not cleaning the guinea pig cage, and that was worth $19.99.