Lingo Lessons

I was surfing the internet on Down Syndrome last night which is something I don't usually do. I learned during in-vitro that the internet can be a scary place to get really bad information, but I had met another mom of a child with Down Syn. and she had given me a few places to check out. So, while the Patriots beat the Eagles during Superbowl, I sat and bawled at the computer while I read precious stories of kids graduating from high school, playing on regular soccer teams, falling in love, etc. Poor Jeff wandered by and patted me on the back as he headed off to bed. Some hormonal women are better left alone and he is wise enough to know when I need comfort and when I just need a good cry.

Anyway, I was fascianted to find out that there is actually some Down Syndrome etiquette that I needed to learn. As with any new territory that we forge through, there is a cultural lingo that needs to be grafted into our daily language. Take, for example, church. We have church lingo. We talk about salvation, sanctification, blood of Jesus, baptism, our walks, quiet times, etc. and expect our fellow believer to know what we are saying. And, for the most part they do. You learn the lingo quickly especially if you are brought up in church. I have learned trucking lingo, math lingo, cooking lingo, infertility lingo,pregnancy lingo, kid lingo and marriage lingo. Some friends and family have had to learn cancer lingo, autism lingo, ADHD lingo, remodeling lingo, missionary lingo and so on. Some lingos are more fun than others. Give me cooking lingo over divorce lingo any day.

I must admit to feeling a little irreverent over learning this etiquette. If it doesn't offend me, then, well, who cares? And, if someone says something and their intent is not to offend me, then, well, who cares? Well, as I read last night, a lot of people care.

For example, I read, and have been told, that you do not say, "a Downs child." You put the child first and then the diagnosis. You say, a child that has Down Syndrome. In this way you are giving respect to the child by putting his name first - that the child is more important thanthe syndrome. This does make sense, and I can see that I would prefer someone to actually call my child Andrew before saying, "that Downs kid." You also say, Andrew "has" Down Syndrome - not Andrew "is" Down Syndrome. It is a condition that he "has" and will never fully define who he "is."

Which brought me to lesson two - it is not Downs Syndrome - it is Down Syndrome. There is no plural, "Downs"; and there is no possessive, "Down's." Huh, who knew? Supposedly you are not supposed to shorten it and call it"Downs." I have a little bit of a problem with this one, because I think it is easier to call it Downs than it is to say Down Syndrome, but we'll see. I do want to be politically correct. However, they can't kick me out of the club if I say it wrong. I feel fully initiated.

There were some other minor things that anyone with a brain can figure out, but another common offense and rub is the word, "retard." Now, anyone with an 8th grade education knows that retard, by definition, means slow. However, anyone with a brother knows that as kids we used the word retard to call our brother (or sister) an idiot. I, personally, am sure I have used the word in that context. (sorry, Stuart.)

Now, I have to say, in light of our current circumstance, this word has taken on a whole new context. Next to definitions of Down Syndrome, you often see the terminology of mentally retarderd, or mentally slow. Now I know that this is medically correct, but this brings out the bear cub momma protector in me, and God help the kid or person that dares to call my own a retard. We all know that in our culture, no one means anything nice, or medical by calling a child with Down Syndrome that name (see how good I am getting?). I think, for our family, it has made it to the list of dirty words that we do not say.

I tell you, it has made me think. How many ridiculous things have a said to people not knowing their personal circumstance? How often do I speak before I think. How often do I judge before knowing the whole story? I am reminded of what is says in James 3:
"Likewise the tounge is a small part o fthe body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a forest is set on fire by a small spark.... (9) With the tounge we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Our of the same mouth come praise and cursings. My brothers, this should not be."

I am humbled and convicted by these verses. May my new lingo be sweet and what it should be.