Mother's Day

Andrew News - We have gone 2 nights without ANY oxygen needs! Praise the Lord! This is the best mother's day gift I could receive. If he goes without oxygen tonight, we can go back to the pulmonologist to be released from oxygen. This is very very good news. We are so thrilled.

Yesterday, I got to be a part of Jeffrey's kindergarden Mother's Day Tea. It was so precious - a very special time that I will always cherish. We got to square dance, spend time with each other - including both grandmas, and hear the children sing, say poems, etc. Jeffrey painted me a beautiful picuture (I'll post a copy). It was a day to be treasured. The children each memorized a verse from Proverbs 31. Jeffrey's was, "strength and dignity are her clothing. She smiles at the future." His teacher said she picked that one for me, and I was very touched.

During my years of infertility, Mother's day was such a horrible day for me. I thought that once I had a baby, Mother's Day would be a day of bliss. The angels would sing and the sun would shine. Years ago, I was working with a lady, and helping her with some bookkeeping issues. I will never forget meeting with her a few days before mother's day. She has one little girl who has very severe autism. She shared with me that her pastor had said to her,"Happy Mother's Day," and she broke into tears. Did she love being a mom? Yes. Did she hate being a mom? Yes. It was a tough day for her for different reasons than mine, but we shared in the agony of unrealized expectations.

Being infertile made mother's day a slap in the face and a sting in the heart. Would I ever be a mom? It was a haunting question that I almost could not verbalize. It took my breath away. Some years I would go to church and face it head-on. Other years, I would hide and pretend it did not exist. I still do not really love mother's day, even now. I know too many who are walking the well worn shoes that I have worn. I know too many who have lost babies, are waiting for babies, or whose babies and children are such a challenge that celebrating being a mom is not something they are yet capable of.

So, Friday's sweet tea with my son was not just a fun outing with my little boy, it was a healing balm on my raw heart. For a few moments I basked in the pure joy of motherhood and all the goodness that it offers. It was one of those moments that you know is a gift and I appreciate it greatly.

As I kissed Blake and Brantley goodnight, I cherish their still round baby faces, and their sweet words of "love you." As I rocked Sir Andrew and drew in the sweet scent of baby, I did smile as I look to the future, because my God of promise and hope does allow me the joy and challenges of being a mom, and for that I am forever grateful.

For all my sweet sisters for whom mother's day is a struggle and a wound to the heart, I am praying for you. For all my sweet sisters whose journeys of motherhood have left you feeling dry and discouraged, my prayers are with you as well. My prayer is that as we all look to the future, we smile.