Broken Ankle - Day 1

So it's 10:40 at night. I feel like I really haven't sat down much today and instead of folding 4 baskets of clean clothes, unloading and loading the dishwasher, or picking up the family room, I am sitting here. I find our situation almost laughable. Jeff has barely moved from the bed today. I offered him a bath with a plastic-wrapped foot propped on the side of the tub - which he declined, so I know he still is in pain. He has not complained a bit, but I can tell in his face he hurts and feels lousy. I know he hates seeing me chasing kids, dressing kids, bathing kids, etc and he cannot move to help. Well, maybe he doesn't HATE it, but he is at least sympathetic to my cause.

I've told you about my sister-in-law who is getting married next week. She officially listed me as "personal assistant to the bride" in her wedding program. The program is beautiful, and I certainly didn't need or want the publicity, but it was very kind of her to include me. She kept Jeff in the program as an usher as well - even though I doubt he will be seating anyone other than himself. I wonder if he will be able to get his suit on. I had to cut his jeans off last night. I guess it will work out somehow. I'll think about that later.

Anyway, when we hosted a shower for Jenni earlier this summer, and one of her gifts was a prayer calendar. Each day had a specific request for the wedding or her marriage. The guests at the shower could pick a request and sign the calendar for that day. The calendar was then given to Jenni as a gift, and each guest was given a refrigerator magnet to remind us to pray.

When I chose my date, I knew it was the one the Lord wanted me to. So today is July 28th, and my magnet says:
"July 28 - SELFLESSNESS - May Jenni and Jim put the needs of each other first."

As grown adults who have both been single for a while, I knew that this would be a new ground to tread for them. It is for everyone. And as I prayed it for them, I knew that God had given that prayer to me as well. May I put the needs of Jeff first. Ouch. Wow. Humbling. Difficult to hear and comforting at the same time.

It has been a difficult day for me. I hate to see Jeff in pain. I hate to fly solo in parenting. The weight of responsability rode heavily on my shoulders today, and as I thought of Jenni and Jim as they begin their life as man and wife next week, I realized that SELFLESSNESS is more important than being selfish. It isn't about me. I ordered Jeff's favorite sandwhich for lunch. I got the kids out of the house so he could rest. (this was as much for my sanity as his). I brought him his favorite milkshake and he gets to pick what he wants to watch on TV. The rest is good for him, and he said he will take me up on the bath tomorrow.

During the day, when I was focused on the boys, or Jeff, or the wedding, and what I could do for others, I was at peace. It was when I focused on me that I could easily spiral into a world of self-pity. I have thought of hiding in the corner of my closet, but I doubt it would do any good. I'm not saying we ignore ourselves or our needs. Earlier today the boys were going stir-crazy and so was I. We packed up and went to the YMCA. Andrew played, the twins painted and played, and I got an hour to myself to work-out. I felt better. They were ready for a nap and all was well. Finding that balance of caring for me so I can care for my family vs. being focused on me so that no one else matters is a strangely fine balance. A fine line between self-care and self-love - but that is probably a blog for another day.

So my prayer today is for selflessness - to consider others more than myself. I want Jeff to feel loved and appreciated and cared for. The boys have been sweet to him. Andrew lays his head down on his chest and gives his Daddy the million dollar smile. Blake talks his ear off, and Brantley is content to cuddle next to him and watch adult TV while I put the others to bed. Jeffrey has wandered off to his cousin's house and won't return till tomorrow, but even he has called to check on his dad.

Day one of broken ankle is almost over, and I really do have to do the dishes or Andrew won't have a morning bottle, and THAT is not a good thing. We are a week before the weddding, so please pray for all the details, but esp. for the bride and groom. May the needs of others be priority for all of us.