When mommy arms are heavy...

Sorry it has been so long since my last post, and the birthday posts will be over till the twins turn 3 next month! It has been hectic here with lots of sickness. Brantley has had chronic sinus infections, and we have thus pulled him and Blake out of preschool so they can rest and recover fully. We'll see whether they are able to go back or not. Brantley just can't seem to get cleared of his infection, and he may need his adnoids and sinuses cleaned. yuck.

We were supposed to leave on vacation tonight, and the week has been a whirl of activity trying to get ready. Brantley got another infection, and we had to take him to the doctor everyday for the last three days for a shot. We packed and did laundry till about 10:00 last night, and then we heard Andrew making this awful noise. Now, when I say awful noise, I mean, like a scary, I might stop breathing noise. We went in and repositioned him on his tummy and he went back to sleep. Ten minutes later = same noise. We repeated this hacking, gasping for breath until Jeff and I determined he needed to go to the ER.

To make a long story short, Andrew has viral croup. We (Andrew and I) spent the night in the ER. And that is where the story really is. (Andrew is better, by the way.)

I made it to the ER around 11:15 and was met by a sea of people (probably around 250). There were no seats. I was already tired and was scared. I went to triage with Andrew and they checked him over. His noise had settled some, but the nurse agreed that his lungs sounded coarse.

"Do I really need to be here?" I asked her.

"yes" she replied. He was running a fever and something was obviously going on. I knew it was not his asthma, but whatever it was was aggravating the asthma. I was sent back to the waiting room, well, to wait. There were no seats, but a nice guy in registration gave me a chair.

When I was dealing with years of infertility, I read an excellent book titled, "When Empy Arms Become a Heavy Burden." It was a wonderful book, and for the first time, I felt like someone else actually identified with how I was really feeling. Empty arms were a heavy burden to carry.

As I sat in the ER last night, I realised, though, that mommy arms can be a heavy load as well. This theoretical thought became more true as the hours (yes, hours) wore on and Andrew (all 22 pounds of him) got heavier in my arms. He was physically heavy, but the strain and fear of a sick baby was much more emotionally demanding. Two hours into the wait, he had another attack of the horrible noise. I went back to the nurse who was overwhelmed by people being rude to her.

It was 2:00 am and I had been waiting over 2 hours.

"Can you please help him?" I asked her.

She was actually very kind and took me back to a triage area. I didn't know what was wrong with him, and he truly sounded like he might stop breathing. When we took him back, the RN said, Oh, honey, he has croup! I was actually relieved. Croup! Great, I said, what do I do for it, and can I go home? She told me, no, he really needs to be treated, he sounds really bad, but she gave him a treatment in the triage area until we could be taken back to actually see doctors and such.

After the treatment, Andrew settled off to sleep in my arms. Four hours of holding him. We headed back to our chair.

I am a people watcher by nature, and the ER is a fascinating place for his. I had been watching a young girl hold her very small infant. She looked to be all of 19 (which means she was probably 25), and her little baby was all bundled in matching blue. He had his new diaper bag and matching car seat. As I walked back to me seat, I glanced down at him. His little mouth was seriously deformed. I imagine he had a cleft palate and was having complications.

As I sat in my seat holding Andrew and watched her across the room holding her new baby, I had to think that her young arms were quite heavy as well. This was not what she expected, I am sure.

Another young couple came in with their new baby all bundled in pink satin. I watched as they changed her and her clothes probably 5 times as she pooped up her back. The mommy held the baby fiercely as the daddy dosed in the chair next to her. Heavy mommy arms.

A single mom with her exhausted toddler stuggled to find a position for him to sleep in. She was a large woman and he was a big boy. She tried every position and finally resorted to going to her car and getting his car seat for him to have a clean place to be. Heavy mommy arms.

When I was finally taken back, the woman in the curtain next to me had a very sick son with Chron's disease. She had driven from clearwater to be at this hospital so that her son could get excellent care. I heard her tell the nurse that she had not slept in 46 hours and she did not know how much longer she would last. Heavy mommy arms.

I talked to the nurse who was caring for Andrew. She was a single mom who worked 12 hour night shifts to care for her 2 girls. She had been up all day, was working all night, and was then going home to care for her kids. I asked when she would sleep, and she told me Friday night. Heavy mommy arms.

I am amazed at the grace and power that God gives to women. We have endurance and stamina that defy nature. As I watched each of these women, not one complained. They may have fought for what was best for their child, but not one wanted to put their baby down. We held on tightly. As others slept, we rocked and cooed. We watched the hours tick by and prayed for our little ones. We wiped the fever sweat from their brows and did not flinch as the grossness that life was handing to us.

Strangely, or not so strangely, none of us spoke. We were all focused on the task at hand. As I walked out this morning, grateful that I was not one to be admitted, I saw the woman with the sick toddler preparing to go home.

"Are you just now going home,too?" She asked.

"Gratefully, I get to go home." I replied.

We both smiled and packed up our boys. Heavy mommy arms.