As Andrew's 4th birthday gets closer (Tuesday!), I would like to think that we have found our new normal. Normal for us includes therapists, doctor visits, and IEP's.
I think back to the early days. Those first weeks after finding out the diagnosis take your breath away. You wonder if you can get out of bed - much less function on a real level. I wanted to be mature and a "big girl" about the whole thing - but wondered if I really could. Would God really work this whole thing out for me? Why me? and then - even more scary - why NOT me? but, slowly, the new normal came to be.
The new normal included words and people I did not want to know - services I did not know even existed. The learning curve was fast and steep and ever-changing.
What has rocked my world this week has been the death of Harris. Harris was a sweet 12 year old boy at Jeffrey's school. He got diagnosed 14 months ago with a rare cancer. I watched his family find their new normal - in hospitals and treatments. Their typical family of four became a family of four with a child with cancer. All of a sudden, you (they) are under the spotlight - and not sure how you got there. Then, suddenly - but also a long time in coming, he was gone.
We (Jeff and I) went last night to the visitation. We went to lend support. We do not know his parents well, but wanted to hug them and let them know we were there for them. What we saw, however, was them being there for those who had come. I watched people draw strength from their faith. I watched Harris' mom explain to a little girl that had come that Harris had gone to Heaven - and that only his earthly body remained. That she did not need to be scared and that she did not have to go and see him if she did not want to. She was the picture of class and the picture of God's Grace. His Dad was very much the same. He looked thin and tired but confident that his precious one was no longer suffering and no longer in pain.
What I was not prepared for was seeing his young body in that casket. No parent should have to bury their child. We will all die. But it seemed wrong that their new normal would have to be without Harris - a delightful little boy. It seemed wrong that his little body - thin from cancer was lying in that casket. I wanted to be strong for the mom and dad. But after leaving, all I could do was sit in our car and cry. Tears for the new normal that they would have to find.
We all have to learn to adjust to a new normal. Some events that cause the new normal are
happy - marriage, birth, job promotion, etc. Some are devastating - death, job termination, illness, etc.
The difference is those who trust God with their new normal and those that do not. To make sense of it all, it has to be pushed through a faith-filter, or what comes out on the other side is bitterness, denial, resentment. Difficult times through the Lord result in faith, perseverance, love.
I read a great quote this week that said something like - if my heart has never been broken, I am never able to truly love and have compassion for those around me. I find this to be true. If my children were perfect - if I was perfect - I would likely stand in judgement of those in hard times around me. However, through the difficulties of life, I am able to lend a hand to those around me - if is a helping hand - or just a shoulder to cry on - by God's grace it is there for you.
So, we pray for Harris' family in the days ahead. They have to find their new normal as a family without him (on this earth) and that is going to have hard days. But I am confident that they will continue to pray as they have from the start - Romans 12:12 - be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. May we all be these. We will miss you, Harris.
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