You don't owe anyone anything. Sometimes in a difficult situation, you feel like you need to be strong for those around you. She is a great mom and wife. If she wants to curl up in bed and cry for a bit, well, then do that. I told her that sometimes for me it is difficult to go to a b-day party of a child that is Andrew's age. I don't want to see how advanced little precious is. That may sound shallow and bitter (it isn't), but it is the reality, so if I don't feel like going, I skip it. I wanted her to know that she had that permission too! I would have to think that there are going to be times when she will be around Harris' peers - and there are days she will want to - and days that she won't.
Grief is a strange thing. Just when you think you are past it, the raw rises up and grips you. And just when you think you are weak, God shows himself and you make it through. They have walked the road of a horrible fear - burying a child. It is un-natural and not the way you plan things to be. But after a trauma, you wake up and think - ok, I am still here, so, now what, Lord? And, delightfully, He shows us and brings us through. Our desire for Harris' healing was healing HERE and NOW - not in Heaven where we will see him later. In the midst of it, you think - is this - can this - really be happening?
New normals are strange. They are a foreign land - one we may not have ever wanted to travel. But once there, we are forced to look for the beauty - to welcome those around us - draw strength from those who have gone before us - and trust in the One who allowed us to be here in the first place.
I am reminded of the Deut. passage - "He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing."
Perhaps it is too much of a stretch - but when you are finding your way in a new normal - you feel like an alien - and knowing that God himself is on your side is comforting to me.
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