Molly Voth

Moving Out!

2011-03-16T21:21:00.002-04:00

My blog has officially moved!

Join me at www.mollyvoth.vpweb.com

Shortly, it will be mollyvoth.com, but it will take a few days. Yay! All my tech stuff in one spot. I'm so happy. Simple. LOVE it when it is simple! :)

calculus, creative or crazy?

2011-03-08T23:56:00.003-05:00

so since I'm NOT in the mood for a new spring wardrobe, well, maybe I am, but that is not in the current budget. Thus, I decide that I want to re-do my blog and Heart & Home website. A website is like a child. It requires constant care and attention if you actually want to sell anything off of it. And, my OCD self wants it to look good in the process.

I've been playing with all the various digital photo software and zillions of digital-scrap-booking resources. I'm feeling artsy and creative. I've got some really cute ideas in the works, but what I really need is a crash course in html or whatever programming I really need.

I tried to explain to my kids that when mommy was in college, I programmed my mono-chromatic display beast of a computer in fortran (does anyone even know what that is anymore???), and I could program this beast of a computer to do calculus. While that seems smart, I could really care less about calculus anymore. All I really want to be able to make my blog and website look cute and current and modern and traditional ALL AT THE SAME TIME. So is it progress or regression to go from smart chick (a.k.a. geek/nerd) to a cute chick who has a website to pimp seriously fun t-shirts and purses and a blog to chat about my life on?

I don't know. I guess this is more of a warning that my blog and site may look dramatically different from day to day and hour to hour as my head spins on web-design and a steep learning curve in languages that my middle schooler probably understands better than I do.

2011-02-23T16:17:00.005-05:00

more gifts...
so I pull out my childhood Bible (I actually like the version better) and it opens to Colossians 3. And in my 12 year old hand-writing, there are notes in the margin - and these are the 4 words CIRCLED on the page...
thankful
thankfulness
giving thanks
thanksgiving

for the Peace of Christ to rule in your heart, for unity, for the word of Christ to dwell richly in us - whatever I do in word or deed - should be done giving thanks.

Chapter 4 starts that we are to devote ourselves to prayer - (get this) keeping ALERT in it with an attitude of - (you can guess the next part) - an attitude of thanksgiving.

A choice. A choice to be thankful.

The results. unity. peace.

53. holding a new baby
54. true intimacy
55. rainy days
56. time with girlfriends
57. laughter and tears
58. roast beef sandwiches on sale
59. the right song at the right time
60. a day off school
61. words of bloggers who chase God and encourage me to do the same
62. date night
63. a husband who loves me
64. beating "the boss" in Mario Bros with my sons screaming and cheering for me
65. sleeping late
66. new friends
67. little boy snuggles
68. our homebuilders group
69. friends I can be transparent with
70. burning 10 years of documents - washing it go to ash
71. books that inspire me
72. a day that holds little expectations of me - one where "nothing" really HAS to be done
73. teaching my boys to clean their own toilet
74. same boys fighting over who gets to wipe up the urine
75. did I mention laughter?
76. Gracie who made 45 valentines for my kids so I did not have to
77. flowers from my valentine
78. a chiro visit that helped my throbbing headache
79. hot fries made for the neighborhood boys
80. Andrew playing with his "pencil people"
81. a morning of actually feeling well - a chiro visit, a run, a massage
82. SOS message that called me to scoop up my middle schooler and bring him home
83. quiet moments in the car
84. Blake & Poppy's friendship
85. Sophie's successful tonsil surgery
86. fabulous weather - cloudless, sunny 73 degrees
87. God moving my heart to a new place
88. relationships with people I can be real with
89. the book "radical"
90. the book "1000 gifts"
91. the book "simply organized"
92. thankful for hope in a new way of living
93. thankful for Blake getting to go shoot by himself with his Poppy
94. my phone calendar that syncs my life with my computer and my husband
95. little boy giggles early in the am
96. car rides with my hubbie
97. sound of my kids singing "this is the day" on the way to school
98. my sister
99. my parents
100. my in-loves (laws)
101. unexpected visit and time with my brother and sister in law
102. opportunity to help with a wedding
103. selling stuff on Craig's list
104. dinner with my friend
105. a house all to myself

If you have been looking for me...

2011-02-16T16:51:00.010-05:00

you could probably find me here...

curled in the glow of this lamp.

I thought that when I quit working that I would be training for a marathon, lunching with friends, keeping a clean house with clean children in it, meals on the table every night promptly at 5:30.

But I was tired. So very soul-tired that I was not sure if I could keep my head up.

At the very end of myself. Tired of trying. Tired of pushing through.

It was time to rest.

Psalm 16:7-8 says, "I will bless the LORD who has counseled me; indeed my mind instructs me in the night. I have set the LORD continually before me; because HE is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

Over the past year, Jeff and I knew it was time for me to quit working. I went back to work to help us get out of debt. It did not help. My plan needed to be scrapped. (emphasis on MY) And while I have loved God and walked with him since I was a little girl, He was NOT continually before me like the verse in Psalm says. I was not listening to God's counsel, not listening to His Word, but listening to my own. Maybe you can relate? Not always, mind you, but enough to get me off track and weary. Tired. Burnt out.

The beauty of a blog is you can look back over your own life. It is the only journal I have ever really kept, quite a public one, but my story. The good, the bad, the ugly, the glorious.

When Andrew was born, I soaked in God's Word. Expectations and pride were slowly being stripped away. But the chase of the "American Dream" had its claws in me.

Funny/ironic/telling that the amount of blog posts correlates to the amount of time I was spending with God?

As I sit in my comfy chair - sometimes early in the am before every one is awake - but more likely late into the night that turns into wee morning when everyone is asleep, I have sat with God. And like lovers who have been separated by circumstance with a chance to finally get back together, we are leaving no area untouched.

Every piece is still out on the table, and we are looking at each one.

Inter-twined with scripture itself, I am pouring through...

"Radical" by David Platt and my heart is being turned away from materialism and into the heart of God for global missions and meeting the needs of the poor and needy.

"Made to Crave" - reminding me that I am made to crave - and what I eat is what I will crave. If I eat sugar, I crave sugar. As I feast on things spiritual, I crave more of Him. Truth. Truth. Truth.

"1000 Gifts" - my notebook is being filled with my gifts as I look for God every day. And I find that my gifts are not "things" but people - family, friendships, relationships. And the gifts are good. All the gifts are good.

"Simply Organized"- a practical help in stepping away from the stuff - to live simply. A really good read and a great source of conversations with hubbie. Bless him, he has yet to go weary of me handing him a book and saying, "read just this page!"

"Streams in the Desert","Come away, my beloved", "Strong Women, Soft Hearts", "Untangled Relationships", "Ruthless Trust" are also in that pile. I've yet to crack into "Crazy Love" but it is on the table.

So, if you have missed me, I am sitting in my chair. If you would like to join me, my sofa is always open. There may be dust on the furniture and laundry undone, but we can feast on time together.

Because these are my gifts to delight in each day...

Brantley helping Andrew with his sight words.

A January case of flu that left us all in pieces on the sofas.

Field trip bus ride. Snuggled close.

Cold morning. Hot shooters. Warm guns.

Brothers coaching.

I'm finding my way home.

Delight...

2011-02-08T21:25:00.008-05:00

In my land of boys and testosterone world - young males love to play guns and my life revolves around feeding bottomless pits, trying to keep the family room from smelling like a wet dog, and keeping the fridge full...

God remembers that He made me a girl, and that while I LOVE all these boys (even those that are not mine and live here from the neighborhood), I also LOVE being a girl.

A few weeks ago, I got a call from a girlfriend. Her friend's daughter is getting married in April and they needed an event planner - would I be interested? Ummmm, let me hesitate .5 seconds. YES! So, I met with the stunning bride and her stunning mom a few weeks ago. I assured them that I would obsess appropriately over their big day so they could relax and enjoy it. We were a match made in heaven.

Today, I left boy-world and got to play in girl world. What a DELIGHT. A quick trip to the bridal shop to get a swatch of the bridesmaid dress (also stunning). A quick diet coke stop. Girl music on my iPod. A trip to the venue to actually see the site. (Also stunning). And a stop at the wholesale florist shop.

My bride wants vintage wedding. Yellow flowers with a touch of cobalt blue. It was time to play.

Re-fill the diet coke.

Pick up boys from school.

Settle boys with snacks and video games.

Dig in my garage and china cabinet. Unload van.

Take this...

and this...

add a half hour of snipping and delight...and get this...

I love being a girl. A beautiful day of delight.

#1-#29

2011-02-08T20:50:00.001-05:00

1. Warm bed with clean sheets
2. Soft boy cheeks
3. Andrew pats on my face
4. Brantley hugs
5. Blake’s smile over a hot plate of pancakes
6. Brantley’s hugs
7. Hot soapy showers
8. Diet coke in a Styrofoam cup
9. Phone call from an old friend
10. Clean counter tops
11. Kisses in the middle of the day
12. Jeff’s laugh
13. Andrew kisses
14. Brantley snuggles
15. Sweet manners after dinner
16. Andrew kisses at bed time
17. Family wii bowling
18. Brantley helping Andrew with flashcards
19. Jeff’s last day of being 11
20. Birthday donuts
21. Dinner with mimi & poppy
22. Cooking with Blake
23. Conference with Andrew’s teacher – staff who loves him
24. A new intern that has fallen in love with my son
25. Clean toilets
26. Phone calls with my sister
27. Silence in the car before the kids pile in
28. Noise in the car when the kids pile in
29. Pony tails and t-shirts

1000 Gifts

2011-02-06T23:29:00.003-05:00

I have lots on my heart for the year 2011. For the first time in a long time, I am simply Molly. Not Molly the employee, Molly the volunteer, Molly the this or Molly the that. Yes, I am still wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, but I'm just me. I have been purposefully chasing God, and weeding out distractions. Evaluating everything. Everything from the clothes in my closets to the stuff in my junk drawer to what is on my iPod - to what I watch on TV - what I eat - drink - how I spend my time - and on and on and on. I have dumped all the pieces on the table and am asking God what stays - and what goes.

I'm keeping Jeff and the kids.

The rest is up for debate!

On this journey of SIMPLIFY, I have stumbled upon a book by Ann Von-something or other (sorry, Ann, will get you correctly linked later) called One Thousand Gifts. You may stop now and head to Amazon to buy it. I'll wait. Are you back? Ok, let's continue.

I don't want to spoil the book, but God certainly put it in my path (in multiple places), and one of the things she writes so beautifully about is a challenge/dare a friend suggested to her - to chronicle 1000 gifts in her life.

Now, this may seem strange, or even frivolous, but in the last week, it has been an exercise in experiencing joy in ways I cannot describe. We live in an "oh-poor-me" society - one of spoiled brats, of whom I am the worst offender. We want our way - and faster and easier than ever before. We (ok, I) think that if I pray and love Jesus and try to be a good girl that we will dodge the pain and suffering side of life. What a lie from the pit of hell, but that is another post.

Back to the gifts. When Andrew was born, I had a friend who encouraged me to chronicle 5 things I was thankful for each day after his diagnosis of Down Syndrome. Friend, it was only a few days later that the hand of God was so colored over his life that the burden of fear became lifted and joy took its place. I have taken this new challenge, and started documenting my gifts. It is elementary list scribbled on the white board in my kitchen. It has fascinated my children to see me stop and write these little notes, these little "thank you's."

I have loved God for a long time. I have trusted him for a long time. When life gets difficult (and it does), how much easier it is to fall into the arms of someone who showers you with daily gifts and daily blessings. It makes the hard parts seem part of the beautiful tapestry - woven in - instead of standing out.

Since I may NEVER finish baby books or scrapbooks for my children, this blog may be all they get. I want to tell them how GOOD God is, and that he can be trusted. So, if you see a "1000 Gifts" post, you will know what it is about. I'm going to copy the board tomorrow, so today's list will start with #29.

Dare to join me?

30. 12 birthday candles on an iced cookie
31. Falling into bed and sleeping for 10 hours without waking up
32. Jeff waking us all up in time that we did not have to rush or be irritated about going to church.
33. The kind tram-driver that allows Andrew to sit up front with him - he talks to him like a friend, not a child with special needs, and lets him honk the horn.
34. Sunday school classes that teach our children about Jesus
35. holding hands and praying with my husband
36. sitting with friends that care about us during service
37. a pastor that loves God and preaches his Word
38. an afternoon of just hanging out
39. Brantley planting a kiss smack on my lips as I held him in my arms during worship
40. Jeffrey smiling and being polite to the adults who talked to him today
41. Getting over 1000 pictures scanned and uploaded to my computer
42. Being able to go to the grocery store and afford the food we bought
43. an encouraging email from a friend
44. a massage last night
45. my boys speaking kindly to each other
46. smelly 12 year old boys eating cookies in my garage
47. Andrew hugs
48. working in unity with Jeff to get fun Superbowl food made and kids to bed
49. little boys tucked under covers sleeping peacefully (and healthy)
50. a to-do list for the week that is not long and over-whelming
51. technology that is allowing me to organize and de-clutter all my papers and photos
52. not having to go to bed alone

I would love to know if you start making a list of your gifts! I'm sure Ann would to. Her blog is www.aholyexperience.com

some photos of some of my gifts...

Separation, Isolation or Inclusion?

2011-01-18T02:11:00.006-05:00

My Siesta Scripture Memory for the 2nd part of January is "I will bless the LORD who has counseled me; Indeed my mind instructs me in the night. I have set the LORD continually before me; because He is at my right hand hand, I will not be shaken."

To learn about Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memory, head over here:

There is a post there about living with "hidden disabilities" (neurological issues, autism, etc.) Down Syndrome is not listed (I guess it does not seem "hidden"), but the idea of the support of the church for people with disabilities is obviously on my heart.

I'm writing this at 2:30 in the middle of the night, so the scripture passage seemed even more applicable today since I could not sleep! haha

This Sunday is Sanctity of Life Sunday. Our pastor announced this week that the speaker is a man who came to know Jesus through his special needs child. I teared at the very mention of the whole thing, and I wonder if I show up with a box of kleenex - or do I stay home and cry in the comfort of my bed watching the story unfold via the internet? If you are interested, you can watch on Sunday am by going here: Service times are 9"30 and 11:00 am.

As far a churches go, ours is very "special needs friendly" especially by comparison of other churches. Our Andrew has been "mainstreamed" with the typical kids since birth. We have been blessed by fabulous teachers, etc. It is comforting and soothing to me to drop Andrew off just like I do all my other kids - on the same hall - in the same wing.

So you know, our church is HUGE - like thousands of people, so when I say "hall" and "wings" I really mean it. If you aren't walking quickly, it could take you 15 minutes to trek from one side to the other.

Opposite the children's wing - across a large atrium area, and tucked into the corner is the "Special Needs" wing.

Let me start by saying, I love my church for helping meet the need. They provide a safe, loving place for special need folk. But here is where my heart hurts. IF Andrew wasn't able to be in a typical class - I would have to drop off my "normal" (I prefer typical, but use that word for emphasis here) kids in one wing - and then walk to the other side of the building into the "special needs" area. Like I NEED to be reminded what I am dealing with?!? It would feel (to me, at least) like a quick stab to the heart and another painful reminder that our family is not like other families.

Where I think the church and society has failed is separating and isolating children with special needs into a different locations - all under the banner (and with good intentions) of providing a higher level of care. But, how is someone with special needs EVER going to learn to be a part of the community - and how is the community EVER going to learn how to be a part of the life of someone with special needs, if they are put behind closed doors in the opposite end of the church? It makes my heart hurt.

Perfection is over-rated. Normal (whatever that is) is over-rated. How are the other children ever going to be exposed to, much more, ever be friends with, a child with special needs if they are never given the opportunity?

People have said that children can be cruel, and I am sure that is true, and we have experienced it. But is separation and isolation the real answer? Are we honoring and doing our children a favor by doing this? Or do we invite them into the "regular" classes (with adequate supports for the teacher and other students) so we all learn to live in the same community?

I love and appreciate my church family and pastor more than words can express, so I really don't mean this post as a negative towards them. But I ponder what IS the right answer, exactly, to how this should be handled? I would love to know what you think!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T18:13:00.004-05:00

Happy 2011!

I love anything new. New clothes, new babies, new shoes,new ideas, a new week, a new year. It is a nice time to take inventory of where you are at and where you want to be - what God doing in your life, etc.

So I did not win any blogging awards for 2010. Work consumed a lot of my time, but I am blissfully unemployed from my Movex gig now, so will hopefully have more time to spend with you blog readers out there.

2010 roared in with a road trip to Vegas for work and another to Mississippi.
Here is a shot from Vegas...

The year started off cold! The 3 older boys were in private school at Berean and Andrew was the ELP program at Schwartzkopf. I was volunteering at school, homeroom mom for the twins, and working full time. (note some errors in this sentence - how the heck did I try and do all of that ?!?) As summer approached, we transfered our last embryo that we had on ice to see if we would have baby #5. May rolled around. The kids were out of school, I was NOT pregnant, but was still working like a dog. Jeff and I began praying more about direction, and decided to go after our family budget with a hatchet so I could quit we working.

We sold a car, our piano, our camper and other random things not nailed down. We cancelled our gym membership that no one used, changed some monthly expenses with insurance, etc, and in November, I stopped working. I honestly feel like I am still recovering from it all. The emotional stress of feeling guilty that I was not with the kids when I was working - and then feeling guilty that I was not working when I was with the kids. It was all quite bizarre.

Fast forward to December of this year. Jeff's work has been slow as well, so all the changes and stuff we unloaded certainly helped the cause! Oh, and we pulled all the kids out of private school.
Here they are on the first day of school! And, they are all on the SAME schedule. It is divine!

The three elementary aged ones are togehter, and Jeffrey a.k.a. now as "Jeff" is in public middle school. I told you, if it was not nailed down, it got dumped out of the budget.

So here I am at the start of the new year. There is NOTHING on my calendar. No work trips. No volunteer duties at school. Just wide open little boxes of dates waiting for what God has for me this year. I am looking forward to being "mom'. I am looking forward to being just "me" - not Molly who does this or that - just Molly. Who knows, maybe I'll actually blog again on a regular basis.

The one thing that I am going to do is memorize some scripture. Pop over to Beth Moore's blog for the details. I'll try and find the link.

Dinner just arrived! Have a blessed 2011!

My Grandparents

2010-12-15T21:25:00.005-05:00

So if you really knew what all was going on in my life right now, this post would seem as random as a lottery drawing.

But here we go.

Husbands and wives. Bread and butter. Diet coke and crushed ice. Some things just go together.

When I was a teen, my grandparents lived with us. My dad's parents (Granny & Grandpa) were married over 50 years. I'm too tired to do the math. It was a long time. They loved each other. Deeply loved each other. I need to go back and find a better picture, but this one will have to do...

You may not be able to tell it here, but my grandfather was a tall, large man. 6'3"ish with broad shoulders that were not afraid of hard work. My grandmother was 4'11" and she did not have the advantage of the petite section of any store years ago. She made or altered all of her own clothes.

She kept my grandfather's favorite cake on hand at all times. She wore gloves to read
the Sunday paper as to not "muss her hands." She was tiny, but mighty. She chased my brother down the driveway with a hairbrush to spank him. I don't remember what he did, but I am quite sure he deserved it.

I spent many a night at their home. She let me play in her jewelry box and her lingerie drawer. As an adult, I now know that she had some hot little numbers in that drawer - hot pink, with ruffles and very see-through. She taught me to sew and cook. She did exercises every morning before ever leaving her bed. She prayed and read God's Word every night before going to sleep.

As they got older, my Granny's mind failed before her mind did. She had "little strokes" that took her slowly. This dignified southern belle would have died to know that my mom and I cleaned her after here strokes. The day came where she had to have more care than my family could offer her.

My grandpa drove to see her every day. He helped feed her. He sat with her. He did not seem to mind if she remembered him that day or not. The night came when Jesus called her home. The nursing home called that it was time. My Grandpa quickly dressed and we went to be with her.

I will never forget the way he held her hand. The way he kissed her forehead. The way he told her, "It is ok for you to go now." It was the most intensely private moment I have yet to witness. It was more private and intimate than birth of my children. It was decades of love bound together in moments. It was over 17 years ago, yet I could be in that small room right now.

I want to love like that. I want to be a southern belle that feels the need to keep my hands clean of newspaper ink, but that can clean a fish and sit by my man in the hunting camp as a deer is blooded. I want my husband to say that I always had his favorite cake on hand. I want my grandchildren to blush at the lingerie I have in my back dresser drawer. I want my children to remember me exercising my body in the day and my soul at night before I go to bed.

I miss my grandparents. I hope my life, marriage and children honor them.

A Warning...

2010-12-02T22:45:00.002-05:00

I came across a great quote tonight...
"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you. We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection."
I feel like I have tasted so much life over the last few years that I have not written about, and the stories are about to burst forth or I may explode. Or, my friends and husband may disown me since I have this burning need to communicate. Complete with pictures if I get so inspired.
This serves as your warning that I am getting ready to warm up my fingers soon. I quit my job last month and have been taking some time to re-group, and the thought of, "I really need to blog about that" is starting to haunt me to the point that I am going to have to do something about it.
I need to do the laundry first, though. So please wait. :)

It is well with my soul...

2010-09-12T22:35:00.007-04:00

I'm in Daytona Beach. I'm with the kids - my four and my niece, Caroline. Yes, one adult, five kids. It sounded like a good idea at the time. Well, come to find out, it was a good idea. A great one, in fact.

In the past 72 hours, I have gone back in time in my childhood - and lept forward in time in my mind - a glimpse of the future with my children. The mystical pull of the ocean - the force out - the waves rolling in - have rolled over and over and over in my heart and soul. I have spent at least 10 hours in the past two days in the surf. It has been sunny. It has rained. The tide has been out. The tide has been in. The surf has been mellow. The surf has been strong. I am reminded of my love of the ocean, and am thrilled to have watched all of my children fall in love with the ocean as well.

A quick look back in time. I took Jeffrey to the beach when he was less than two. I met my sister in Sarasota, and we laugh about it till this day. The weather was terrible. I put Jeffrey's feet in the sand and he FREAKED OUT. We lasted a day and packed up that party and came home.

When Jeff and I dated, we went to the beach. I love the beach. The salt air. The sand. The sun. The sunset. The surf. The quiet. The roar of the ocean. The combination of it all I loved it as a little girl. It soothes me and inspires me. Fast forward a lot of years and add four kids to the mix and, needless to say, our days at the beach have been limited. Take a few trips with really little ones and hear comments like, "It's too hot, I hate the salt water, blah blah blah" and you stop going.

But the lure of the ocean is strong to me. It reminds me of the call of God in my life - a quiet whisper with some massive power backing it up - tugging at your soul.

So, a few weeks ago, I get on-line and book three days at Daytona Beach. My mom spent her Jr. year of high school here. My parents have a time-share here so we can stay for cheap (i.e. free). I thought I was booking Labor Day weekend, but had looked at my calendar wrong. Throw in our bathroom remodel due to a water leak, stressful work, and our A/C going on the fritz. It was time for me to GET OUT of town. I pack the kids up. I leave hubbie at home (sniff sniff). We get here.

So we check in. We hit the beach. I barely put suncreen on the kids- knowing that the complaints of heat, salty, sandy pain will be coming soon. I am planning of spending lots of time by the pool and in our room.

But something strange happens. My children fall in love with the ocean. The waves are strong and inviting. They are intimidating, but not too scary. We start sitting in the edge of the surf. The water pulls out. The waves crash in. The water pulls out. The waves crash in. And the love affair begins.

A quick trip and $81 dollars later, we hit the beach again - armed with boogie boards and beach toys. The romance continues.

May I never forget how Andrew stands in the surf with his hands on his hips. He chases the waves and then runs from them. In moments of strength, he puts his hands on his hips and lets them crash over him. He points his finger at them and commands the waves back. He grows weary of them and retreats for the shore. He delights in them.

Jeffrey swims out past the point that I am really comfortable. He lingers on the edge. He waits. He watches. He calcualates. I can almost see him thinking it out - is this the best wave - or could it be the next one?!? He is more patient than I am. He catches some great ones. He probably misses some too. I'm still not sure. He is triumphant over some. He is humbled by others.

Blake. Blake attacks the surf. He is concerned for those arround him. He is aware of where I am - and when I am watching - and when I am not. He has boundless energy. At moments, I know his eczema must be making him miserable - it is so bright red with the salt and sun. But, Blake, being Blake, meets the challenges head on. He ignores the pain. He soaks in the moment. He rides every wave he can. Small waves. Big waves. He delights in being alone in the surf. He delights in being with his family. He is brave. He is courageous. But he is always aware of where he is - and where I am. When the surf takes him too far, he walks back up the beach to come back to "center". He is so naturally athletic, that he easily picks up the timing of when to kick, when to turn, when to surrender, when to push past the force of one sweeping over him. He celebrates each great ride with thumbs up and shouts of glory.

Brantley. Brantley is fearless. He is blonde and beautiful and a tiny speck in the vast ocean. I am so glad he picked a board that is covered in yellow flames. It was the only way I could find him out in the surf - out farther than he probaly should have been. He loved surfing in a way I cannot give words to. He did not fight the waves. He worked with them. He pushed against them - they pushed back - he surrendered to them and they carried him to the shore. Time ceased to exist for him out there. Moments would pass and Brantley would be a few hotels away. Oblivious that the surf had taken him so far down the beach. He would stop, chase birds, build sandcastles and then return for more. He could care less if anyone was arround. It was him and the ocean. He needed little else.

We all ended the day as the sun crept away. I could barely believe we were still out there at 7:00 at night. We were all in surf at this point - us and not many others. A storm was starting to roll in and the waves were picking up. Andrew was on the shore and in the edge of the water. The rest of us were far out. A large wave rolled in. We were all tired and ready to come in together. Until it took most of us out! It battled with Blake the most. He missed the timing and it threw him so hard, he rolled under it and hit bottom face first and came up with a bloody nose and scrapes all over his face. The rest of us were so shocked by its force, that we weren't sure what to do. Some of us made it in - and others, well, not so much. We limped to shore. I rushed over and scooped up my warrior, Blake, and tried to balance being proud of him for coming to shore scraped and bloody and being terrified that he was coming to shore scraped and bloody!

What life lesson the ocean holds for us. The rhythm of the ocean is so soothing - the in, the out, the constant motion of the tides. The day to day routines are claming to us. But how, like life, the ocean can seem to turn on us. Just when we think we are in control, on top of the wave - we are sucked under. We hit the bottom and come up bloody and hurt.

I find it fascinating, though, that the best advice for surviving a rip tide, is to SURRENDER to it. Relax. Surrender. Take a deep breath before you go under and you will get spit back out in an area of calm. Hopefully, in that area of calm, is someone that will scoop you up and put ice on your bloody wounds. Someone to tell you that you are a brave warrior. Someone to hold your hand and wade back into the surf with.

There is zero adventure in sitting in the sand. There is no fun in staying on shore. There is no guarantee of safety in water, though. It might make you bloody and bruised if you get out there. But whether you wait for the perfect wave, or if you try and ride every one of them, or even if you just stand in the surf and feel the water rush over your feet - at least you are out there. I tried to figure out which way of riding the waves brought the most joy today - but have finally decided that there is beauty in each of the ways we deal with the sea.

I know my children did not think the deep thoughts that I did today - thoughts of their futures - and how they might approach them - as I watched them play in the surf. As I watched them stand up to the waves - and then watch them surrender to the waves. I watched them think they were in control - and then I watched the ocean show them differently. I watched them exhilirated by the experience. I see them now all asleep in their beds - exhausted by the experience.

I delight that they each, in their own way, love the ocean like I do. I pray that they understand God better by the experiences they have had this weekend. Maybe not now. Maybe one day when they watch their own children play in the surf.

And, lastly, I am reminded by the words of one of my favorite hymns...
"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul."

May it be well with your soul today.

A long over-due update...Back to school...

2010-09-06T21:19:00.006-04:00

Week 3 of school starts tomorrow. The routine of life has started to settle in. I wish every weekend was 3 days. I kind of like that groove = 4 days of hard work - 3 days of play. Yes, I could do that!

So much to catch you up on. Let's start with the obvious. SCHOOL. We have had major changes in this arena in the Voth household. Let me also say that I can totally get on a soap box on this whole issue of school and school choice. Let me also say that I know have tried them all - private Christian school, public school, and home school. Let me also say that each family has to decide what is best for them - and their family. We always say (and mean) that each year we prayerfully consider what is best for each child and where that child is - academically, socially and spiritually. These are agonizing choices. It seems that Jeff and I spend a great deal of time praying and debating the "what is best?" question. I could argue eloquently for private school (and have). I could argue eloquently for homeschool (and have). I could argue eloquently for public school (and have).

Enter school year 2010-2011. No. Wait. Back up to last year. The older 3 were in private Christian school and Andrew was in public school. What I find ironic here is that public school "does" special needs kids and most private schools do not. Private schools argue that they do not have the funding, training and resources to deal with special needs kids. I argue that Jeff and I did not have the funding and training and resources to deal with a special needs kid either, but I don't want to climb too much on that soap box. In fairness, the law requires that the public school deal with my child. I would argue that God's law requires that the private school deal with my child as well, so I guess I did climb on that soap box. Anyway, the bottom line is we had 3 in private and 1 in public.

Last year was a fabulous year in the private school. All the boys had great teachers. They got a great education. They were learning the Bible as well as great academics. But, we felt our house was segregated. We were starting to answer questions like, "so, WHY can't Andrew come to school with us." And, the whole private school thing is expensive. I mean EXPENSIVE. So as last year drew to a close, Jeff and I felt God moving us in a different direction. I was working a million hours. We weren't spending time together as a family. We felt scattered as the school year drew to a close. It was time for a change.

So, for the first time EVER, all my kids are in public school. They have the same calendar of days off. They started on the same day and will end on the same day - same spring break - same Christmas holiday, etc. Jeffrey went to Middle School, so they aren't all at the same school, but they are all at the same type of school.

So, off they go. They were all excited about it. We were nervous, but trusting God for our children's direction. Jeff was going from a school with a total enrollment of 125 to one of over 1000 (in just middle school). Mama was nervous. But off they went. As we enter week 3, I have to tell you, I am pleasantly surprised. They are all doing awesome. Academically, they are being challenged (dare I say more than private school). Socially, they are being challenged. I had a friend once tell me that going to private school was buying your child's peer group. I think there is a lot more wisdom in that than I care to admit. It is easier to go to school when all the parents are shelling out the big bucks to be there. Your motivations are shared. Spiritually, they are being challenged. Or should I say, Jeff and I are being called to step up to the plate. We are having to guide and coach and pray more. That is not necessarily a bad thing.

We hit the first week of school with some new rules. On school nights (Sun - Thurs), there is "no screens" after 5:30 (and that is for mom and dad too - yes, no iphone email!). We are eating dinner together every night - and then there is no TV or media till bedtime. We are playing cards, reading books, doing the dishes, packing backpacks, etc. without rush. It has been a fabulous change for our family that was constantly checking email, working, watching TV, etc.

The biggest joy has been to see my 3 little ones bond. Blake and Brantley walk Andrew to class every morning. They did not let me get out of the car from day one. They get to see each other at lunch, etc. This environment seems much more natural to them. At this school, Andrew is not different. He is not a "special needs kid." He is just a student like everyone else. They can tell the difference. Andrew can tell the difference. Andrew has matured in the past two weeks. I will give you the full blown potty story in another post, but the changes in all of them have been good. The lack of financial stress and volunteer stress that comes with private school life is gone. That has been good for our family too. (i.e. - good for ME!).

Jeffrey (a.k.a. gangsta jeff) is getting a multi-cultural experience! LOL! The school he is going to seems to be a well oiled machine. He loves changing classes, buying lunch, etc. He is making friends and growing up in a good way. I'm a proud mama.

So, they are off to a new school year. My baby is in regular kindergarten. The twins are in 1st grade. Jeff is in middle school. The nest is QUIET during the day for 7 hours. Daddy Jeff and I have adjusted quite nicely to this, I can assure you of that! ;)

so many titles to this post...

2010-07-27T00:25:00.001-04:00

that I could not pick one:

A tale of the potty.
A girl can dream, can't she?
Poop & the potty - an epic adventure.
If you can use the iPad, you can poop in the potty.

If you have not guessed it, I speak of Sir Andrew, the five year old who is not fully potty trained. Now, all you mercy and patient types, keep your panties un-wadded. I still love him. He is fabulous. He just needs to poop in the potty. It all seems so simple on this side of the keyboard. Until you are cleaning up crap.

If you scroll through the years of blogs (yes, years of potty training, not months, not days, years), you will see that this is not a new fetish. I have successfully potty-trained three other boys. I can do this. We can do this. HE can do this. But he hasn't been. If slow and steady wins the race, he WILL be the champ, but for this instant-gratification girl, slow and steand stinks.

So, I have been recently convicted that I need to pray more for my children. God knows them. HE has a plan for them. They are his. I am just here to do my part. Somtimes my part is deep spiritual wisdom. Most times my part is to keep them alive despite themselves. But, I do know that I must train them to be on their own. With their own lives and their own wives (God bless those women, now them, I DO pray for on a more regular basis - [seriously, I do!}

But I digress. Andrew very rarely pees his pants. I think a 50 year old woman with a good sense of humor and a lot of vaginal deliveries pees herself more than Andrew. Get my drift, here? He wakes up dry and hardly EVER has a pee accident. Ok, so you have that picture. Insert here that he only poops once a day. I could go into life details about myself and family here that you do NOT want to know, but you get the picture. If you miss the one time of day that he poops, you are back to square one. The fun starts all over again. The looking for clues, asking him if he has to go, feeding him chick-fil-a and making him sit on the potty 30 minutes later kind of "all over again."

Insert into this whole story Blake whose eczema has become the bane of my existence. We now have a special spot on the couch that is covered in bath towels where Blake gets his nightly rub down of lotion that costs more than my face cream that is supposed to make me look like a teenager.

Insert Jeffrey. As I rub down Blake, I tell him how sorry I am that he is suffering and that I wish it were me and not him. Jeffrey reminds me of the power of prayer and suggests that we pray together more often for our family needs. Nothing like the mouths of our children to speak truth.

Andrew is already in bed and the other five of us gather to pray. I confess to the boys that I have not been as consistent as I would like to be in my prayer life, and I tell them that since God is the God of the Universe, he can certainly remind Andrew that he needs to take a poop BEFORE he has ruined another pair of tidy whites (which we toss if they are violated). We pray. For our family. For each of them. For Andrew to poop in the potty. We all giggle as we pray because around this boy world, just the mention of poop is funny. poop. poop. poop. (that would elicit roars of laughter here.)

So this is Thursday night. Friday = zero poop. Rats. Lost chance. But Saturday, oh, fabulous Saturday. He pooped on the potty - not once, but twice! The boys were thrilled. Their little faiths were strengthened. And I did not have to clean up poop. It was a banner day. I was happy. I was hopeful. A girl has to dream, doesn't she. Dream of a day when all poop in this house goes in the potty???

Thank you, Lord, for giving us hope. Hope in you.

The funny fabulous males in my life...

2010-07-14T22:00:00.002-04:00

I forget sometimes that I am the only girl around here. I get so used to being in "boy-world." Let me tell you ladies, boy-world can be so much more simple than girl-world. This week has been a lesson in it, and has given me the giggles more than once.

Baseball Camp.
I have two children that are VERY into sports. They watch sports. They play sports. They talk about sports. sports. sports. sports. Get the idea? So after the first half of summer being here - and ALL OF US BEING IN THE HOUSE 24 HOURS A DAY - whew, exhausting just to think it, the MAMA (that would be me) gets on-line and finds some CAMPS to ship the little darlings off to.

Baseball is the current passion, and U.T. (my alma mater) has Spartan Baseball Camp. Excellent. It is from 9am to 4pm. The boys are outside ALL DAY - learning baseball skills all morning, lunch, quick swim, then play baseball games all afternoon. My idea of hell. Their idea of heaven. Goodie. I sign them up.

Day One. Jeff takes Blake and Jeffrey to camp. Brantley is smart enough to figure out that 7 hours in the sun =hot, sticky, sweaty, and he declines to attend. Brilliant child. Andrew is in summer school, so out the door the two jocks go.

Jeff takes them on the first day. I am a bit nervous about leaving Blake (who is 7) all day, but figure big brother is with him and the camp was stupidly expensive - losing my kid would be bad for business, so we go for it. Jeff gets home and I have a million questions - does it look cool, was it safe, did you tell them about Blake's peanut allergy, where do I pick them up, what was the drop off procedure and my list goes on and on. Jeff finally says, "honey, I pulled in the circular drive. I got out. There were two dudes sitting a table with a clipboard that looked in charge. They checked Blake and Jeffrey in, tossed Blake's epi-pen in a medical box, and told the boys which dug-out to report to. I got in the car and came home."

So, I go to pick them up. I go the circular drive. There is a concession stand and the moms have begun to swarm. Blake is buying his 12th gatorade for the day. I ask the guy if I need to sign Blake out. "Oh, no, just take him." Just take him??? The guy gives my mini-van driving-self a look like, lady, if you want him and he will go with you take him. But, he politely says, "We are keeping a close eye on them."

Now, we go to a LARGE church where the security is TIGHT. You have to have your claim check or someone is going to pat you down and take your life history before giving you your kid, so this new method of drop off and pick up is a little strange to me. The camp averages 30-80 kids a week and all the baseball players (or it seemed like all of them) from the college team are helping out, coaching, etc. So, the adult to child ratio is HIGH, but still.

The boys LOVED it. They had Wendy's for lunch on day one. Pizza on day two. They are playing SO hard. It is awesome. I think because it is ALL GUYS. The camp is run by guys. The coaches are guys. The kids are all guys. IT is a swarm of male hormones. There is not a mama in sight to baby you or give you sympathy. They are there to play.

Blake also gets a brush with fame. Ray's player, BJ Upton was there practicing batting. Blake had his Upton T-shirt on! So, Upton comes over - and tells him that he likes his shirt! Talks directly to Blake and talks to him again today. It was way cool. I also thought that if I was a baseball "star" - really nothing would be cooler than some little guy to be wearing a shirt with my name on it. More male bonding.

So, today I ask Blake if the coaches know his name - or if they wear name tags. "No." Blake tells me. So, what do they call you? I ask him.

Get this.

"Dude."

Me:"What do they call the other boys."

Wait for it...
"
"DUDE!

Hilarious. How he knows they are talking to HIM, I have zero clue, but he does not seem to mind, so, whatever. Blake looked at me like I was asking the strangest questions EVER - who cares about nametags when you get to play baseball ALL DAY LONG???

I go across the street after picking up Blake (which takes all of 30 seconds because all the boys are waiting out front to get in their mom's mini-vans) to pick up my niece from drama camp (run by women - lots of mom involvement). There is a huge back-up of traffic line and security cards. I am more at home with this procedure, and a bit happier with it.

It took over 20 minutes. Dude. Maybe the guys are onto something?

Party of Six

2010-06-12T20:43:00.003-04:00

So, if you follow us on Facebook, you know that I am NOT pregnant. There is no bun in the oven. There is no #5. The test was negative. I'm NOT pregnant. There, I said it. It is over. Chapter closed. wow.

What a strange few weeks this has been. The days leading up to the pregnancy test were torture. I would like to say I was peaceful, restful, confident in my faith. Umm, no. I was a mess. A wreck. A hormonal, emotional, comfort-eating wreck. Pretty, huh? Are you impressed now? I was riding the crazy-train.

What is strange is that I did have one positive pregnancy test. Somewhere in the post-5-6 day transfer range. Hope is a lousy lover sometimes. Fickle. Fleeting.

[male audience, you may wish to stop reading here] So, the day before my pregnancy test, my period starts. I call the doctor. They bring me in. The nurse draws my blood. The waiting continues. It all feels so familiar. The days of infertility come crashing back. I may as well been 26 wondering if I would ever have a baby. Here we are again.

So, in my heart, I know I'm not pregnant. But, the one positive test stares at me and dares me to think differently. The evidence tells me otherwise. I don't know what to think. The final results come. The nurse calls. It is over. Chapter closed. Family complete. Party of six. That is us.

My mom comes over in the afternoon. She brings dinner for the kids. She cries with me. She had four kids. She understands my position. She doesn't try to make it better. She cries too. Fully aware that I will be ok, but ok enough to grieve what could have been.

It is a day before my 18th wedding anniversary. What a fun date I'm going to be!

We pack up and leave the kids on a Friday with our faithful sitter. We are bruised and tired. We head for the beach to lick our wounds and rest. We sleep and watch the world go by. We talk and we are silent. We rest. We process. We go to dinner on Saturday night and call it an early evening. We sleep some more. Sunday comes. We don't have to be home till late that night. We go to breakfast. I'm restless. Jeff is restless. We want to go HOME. We want to see our babies. To kiss their heads, read them stories, play with them. We are still parents to four fabulous boys. It is time to go home and move forward.

So, this party of six is ok. We are moving onto the next chapter. We donated the port-a-cribs and toddler bed. The stroller has been sold and the crib is up for sale. We are at peace with God's choice. We are grateful for it at times - happy to be in this next phase - grateful to be moving forward. It has reminded us to enjoy what we have. A dear friend told me, "when Jeffrey is 13 and desperately needs your attention, he won't have to fight a two year old for it." There was wisdom in those words. And healing.

So, sorry I've been the absent blogger. Lots is going on in Voth-world. The boys are going to public school next year (a whole slew of posts), summer is here, work is nuts, and life moves on.

Voth party. Party of six. Sounds good to me.

Unpacking

2010-05-02T18:20:00.003-04:00

The boys have headed to church for the awards' banquet. Blake and Jeffrey played basketball, and tonight they have their awards' ceremony. I am taking full advantage of the 48 hours-post-transfer modified bed rest. I did not realize how tired I was - and how emotionally exhausted over this whole thing I have been.

So indulge me while I unpack my emotions and lay them out in print. It helps me sort them, organize them, analyze them - decide which ones are healthy and which ones needs to be tossed. Emotions are fickle - and I am reminded by scripture that my heart needs to be guarded - and my heart will lie to me. So, here it goes.

First of all the transfer yesterday was perfect. It was the perfect ending to 12 years of infertility. 12 years of treatments - of not having babies, having babies, losing a baby, having a baby with special needs. It was an ending and a beginning all rolled into one.

I had not realized how having that one lone embryo sitting at the lab all these years had weighed on us. Unfinished business. Something we had created - but had yet to take responsibiity for. (except paying almost $5000 over the past years to store it). Lingering hope of one more baby - lingering anxiety of one more baby. A lot seemed to be at that lab. We got an early morning transfer appointment. We had to be there at 7:30 am. We had been warned that the embryo may not survive the thaw. With a later appointment, they would have time to call us and tell us it was over - to not come in. But we decided Friday that we would go in faith. We would go with the hope of survivial. So we went.

We did not talk much on the car ride over. We did stop for coffee. There was little traffic and the city was still sleepy. We left our children - all snuggly and sleepy in their beds. Jeffrey and Andrew were in our big bed, and Jeff said, "yeah, I would take another one." As we drove to the surgery center, Jeff said, "we're coming to get you, baby, you don't need to wait anymore." Ah, a deep breath. That is what it has felt like - like we have left someone behind - forgotten to pick a kid up from school (have done that) or left one in the church nursery too long (have done that too). All the waiting - almost 8 years now - and it was finally going to be over.

On the driver over, I glance at the clock - and it is 7:13. I pray for the embryo survival. Survive. Survive. Let us at least transfer it. We arrive and pray together in the parking lot. I don't have words, so Jeff prays over me. God, we want what You want.

We get there and are ushered back to holding. I gown up - complete with the socks and hair net. I crawl onto the gurney and have to admit my weight to the nurse. (don't even ask). I realize I still have my underwear on - and the nurses laugh and tell me that THAT might be my infertility problem! The bundle me up with heated blankets (the best part of any medical procedure) and we wait for the doctor to come visit.

The doctor comes. She is new and I don't know her. She is young. Sweet. Nice bed-side manner. Do we have any questions? I feel like shouting - DID IT THAW?? And she tells us it thawed beautifully - it was frozen at 7 cells. 6 cells thawed and survived. They use a microscope to look at it and through it. They have a picture of it that she hands me. It is time-stamped. 7:13 am.

They take us back to the procedure room. Jeff and I go separately - since he is in street clothes and not sterile garb. We meet in the procedure room and the lights are dim. They get me into position and they turn on beautiful music. The embryologist joins us. Her name is Laura and she has been with us for our previous cycles. She is the one who froze this embryo. She tells us that she remembers us and she recognizes her handwriting on the straw the embryo was frozen in. It makes me feel better to have someone familiar in the room.

So there we are - me, Jeff, the doctor, the nurse, the sonogram tech and the embryologist. It is cool because you can watch what they are doing on the sonogram screen (new technology since the last time we were here). The doctor gets the catheter in place and they wait for the pain to stop. Jeff holds my hand. We stare at the screen. The doctor tells us that she is going to inject the embryo into my uterus - and to watch - as it comes out of the catheter, we see a flash of light - like a little star that twinkled quickly on the screen. Tears are running down my face. Jeff is brushing back my hair. And just like that, we are done.

Done. Finally done. I quietly pray for God to do His thing. I don't even know what His thing is. He alone is the giver of life. We have done our part. We have honored the life or the potential for life that we have created. The rest is up to Him.

The sense of relief I have is over-whelming. We get dressed and come home. I curl into my bed and the valium they have given me earlier that day takes over. I sleep for 4 hours straight - till after 1:00 in the afternoon. It was a glorius nap.

So, the big question is - DID IT WORK? I have no idea. I honestly think it just might have. Jeff thinks it did. Time will tell. And so now we wait. My pregnancy test is May 14th. The temptation to do a home pregnancy test next weekend may get the better of me. I don't know.

What I do know is that I am glad it is done. It is over, finished. We are pregnant or we are not pregnant. But that is not up to me. It is out of my hands, and certainly out of my control. So I have rested. I was asleep by 10:00 last night. I took a nap today. They have me on progesterone support, so I alreay feel pregnant (regardless of if I am or am not). That is what makes the next two weeks difficult. The hormones are surging for sure.

It is either an end to us being a family of 6 - or it is the end of our child-bearing stage of life. It is either the beginning of us becoming a family of 7 - or the beginning of us becoming a family of "big kids" with no babies around any more. So I walk in the confidence that we have done our part. Now God gets to do his.

The Lord gives. The Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Terrible

2010-03-29T21:03:00.002-04:00

I have become that terrible blogger. Sometimes I wonder why it has been months - then I look at my kids, my husband, my jobs, blah blah blah, and I get a reality check - there are only so many hours - and I want to cherish each one. But, I like to blog. It is like cleaning out a closet. It helps me lay the pieces of my life on the table, take a look, and try and make sense of them. What needs to go - what needs to stay? Or, blogging forces me to push life through the God-filter of my faith, and rest that He will make sense of it all one day. I also like to blog because it is a record of where I have been - and I pray that it gives some hope. Lots of reasons to blog - as many as there are as to why sometimes there is JUST NOT TIME. But, that is all rambling...

Any-hoo...lots to share and tell you...not sure where to begin...too late to go back in time and try and catch you up...so let's just jump in - shall we? Run, now, fetch yourself a drink and come back. We'll catch up. A nice chat. Are you back? I have a diet coke as well. Goodie, let's chat.

1) Kids. They are awesome. Fabulous. Funny. Amazing. Great ages. Great stages. All good. Jeffrey is 11 - 5th grade - great student, great brother, straight A's. A total over-achiever, rule-loving first born. Jeff and I can't relate, but we adore him. He is now into "my sports and school" and has put music on the shelf for a moment. He is almost as tall as me - wears the same size shoe - and his hands are the same size. One day soon, I am going to be the smallest in the house.

Blake - is riding a bike without training wheels. He has countless energy and questions. If it is in his head, it is out his mouth. The honesty is refreshing. They were all in trouble this am. We were talking about it tonight, and he said, "yeah, when you get mad, it makes me want to ignore you." I almost spit water out my nose. He also announced to me today that Andrew had Down Syndrome. Ummm, yeah, I got that memo. I asked him what that meant. He told me, "He is smaller than us - will always be smaller - it takes him longer to do things - and he has hopeless needs." Hopeless needs??? What. Where did you get this info? He tells me that his daddy told him. I asked what "hopeless needs" meant. He told me that it meant that he had needs. But, we all have needs. And then he says, "so, mom, is he special?" And I told him that all my boys were special - that we were all special to God - but, yes, there were things that were different and special about Andrew - just like there were things that were different and special about him. But, this is where it got good. All 3 little ones were in the car. Andrew was in the middle row - the B's in the back. I tell the B's that Andrew needs time, but he will get it. I also throw in some medical info because that is how I roll, but I literally saw the light go on in their heads when I said, "but, boys, you know why Andrew has done so well - and what the doctors and teachers say the best thing he has going for him is???" I had them hooked at this point, and I tell the B's that they are the best roll models Andrew has. The light is on, and they start telling me all the things Andrew knows and can do - "Mom, Andrew knows what 1+1 is - and he knows what 2+2 is!" I was proud, and it was sweet. They had grace. Andrew's needs brought out grace in them. Blake announced that he was going to work on not yelling at Andrew. Brantley announced that he did not yell at Andrew anyway. And then we left and went to Walgreens. A day in the life...

Brantley. He won't ride a bike and is not interested - even with training wheels. He is almost 7. I'm not sure what to do about that. The kid can write in cursive better than I can. He drew a game board on a piece of paper - made dice out of paper and tape - with little men drawn on paper that would fit in the dice. It was well thought out and quite impressive. He is a lego machine and a "master" of Mario Cart and the DS games. He is self-contained and adorable. He can wink at you and melt your heart. Ladies, beware.

Andrew. Yummy. Sassy. He is in his last year of his little special needs class and we are working on his transition into kindergarten next year. My baby. In kindergarten. Wow. He loves school. He doesn't have potty accidents at school anymore. He rarely ever has a pee accident. The poop thing still is a work in progress. But THREE times recently, he has gone, done his #2 business ON HIS OWN and then let us know about it. We actually took a picture the first time and sent it to his grandparents. The simple things in life. Andrew does things on his own time. He loves his family, school and life. He will sing you Jesus Loves Me if you would like. He loves doggies and cars and trucks. His brothers gave him big hugs before bed tonight. Good stuff.

Other stuff...
work has been a zoo! My Heart & Home stuff is still in the Boutique Shops in Palm Harbor and I am still doing the operations stuff at Movex. We did a trade show in Vegas in early March (my first trip there) and we have another convention in Mississippi next week. Jeff went to Vegas too (with my dad and brother as well). I have pictures. I'll try and post them.

April brings Easter and the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus! I love Easter - the new life in Christ. A new start. A new beginning. I like Spring.

A major drag is that someone came and washed all my shorts in hot water and dried them in the dryer. The boys started baseball this past weekend, and I went to throw on a pair of shorts - that were tight! Next pair - tight! Dang it. Back to the gym and the protein. The winter has been too long. Or, I have just eaten too much. Or, exercised too little. Bummer. Why can't life be easy???

Hubbie is great. We have an amazing goup of couples we meet with each month from our church. We are thankful for them and what God is doing in all of our lives.

Ok, so if you have read this far, then you deserve the down and dirty scoop on our lives. Not sure how to say this - or break it to you - but, as you may know, we were infertile for years. We have done IVF 4 times (invitro). When we did our last cycle (=twins), we had one little embryo left over that was frozen. "She" who we call totsicle has been in the deep freeze for the past 7 years, but we are going through the steps to put the embryo back. We ran into some delays last week. My hormones and cycles have gone funky recently, but you don't need all the details. We would appreciate any prayers on our behalf - for timing and God's best for us.

Trying to "unpack" my emotions about this embryo bring up so may things - which is why I blog in the first place. So, here it is...
I am terrified it will not work.
I am terrified it will work.
and that is just the start of the list.
Deep emotion.
Deep thoughts.
A bigger God.
I'll keep you posted. Really ;)

so I don't forget...

2010-01-05T23:31:00.004-05:00

I know I owe the blog stories, and photos and all that jazz, but I must write about TODAY so I don't forget. So I don't forget when the boys are driving me crazy and each other crazy. So I don't forget when they say mean things to each other and do mean things to each other. So I don't forget THIS MOMENT that makes parenting all worth-while.

So, here goes. Andrew has a rash on his tummy - large spots all over. Took him to the doc and he has a virus (this was last week). So, today, he gets home from school and the backs of his knees and legs are a terrible red and hurt him badly. He says, "I bery hurt." It looks like he had some sort of freak reaction or something. It feels very hot to the touch - maybe eczema with the cold making it worse??? If he is not well tomorrow we will head back to the doc. But, that is not really the story, but you need to know the details.

He is puny and says his spots itch, so I give him a dose of benadryl, pile in my bed with him and read books. He is feeling mellow and we move to the family room where he lounges on the sofa. His legs are exposed so they can air out (in case his pants irritate it) and the other boys are quite distressed over his ailment.

I tell the boys it is time for dinner and that is when it started, Blake goes to the sofa (on his own) and ask, "hey, buddy" (in a sing-song kind of voice) "do you need help to the table, here, let me help you up." He takes Andrew's hands and pulls him to a carry position. With that he says, "aw, just come on, let me carry you." So 40 pound Blake holds out his arms to 40 pound tub of Andrew and Andrew's arms and legs fly around Blake's neck and waist. Jeff and I are standing in the kitchen watching and taking in the sights.

Brantley (at the table) says, here, "Blake, let me pull a chair out for him."

It was one of those moments that take your breath away. Innocence and kindness. Beauty.

And it even gets better. We all settle around the table and I announce it is time to say the blessing. This, lately has been Andrew's job and it is very sweet in itself to hear repeat a prayer. With that, Blake announces, "Mom, Andrew can't pray tonight. We need to pray over him to feel better." And with THAT, Jeffrey says that he'll do it and prays for our meal and prays healing for his brother.

I can hardly stand it. Jeff and I tell the boys how we proud we are of them - looking out for each other - being kind - doing the right thing - all the things we have been talkng about to them. Blake then says, "mom, when I picked Andrew up, I looked down at his face and he had the BIGGEST GRIN. It does feel good to help others"

Bliss, my friends. Parenting bliss. The moments don't come frequently, but when they do, I must soak them in.

Thank you, God, for my precious boys and the lessons they teach me.

party party party

2009-12-02T01:37:00.003-05:00

A party is coming soon for Mr. Andrew. He turns FIVE next week. So, I suppose, it is also the blog's 5 year birthday. That all seems crazy and not possible. I would like to scream STOP THE CLOCK, I would request a time out. Time to soak up my boys just a little longer without them growing so fast. I always told the boys that they were "grown up" when they could 1) take their own shower and 2) buckle their own seat-belt. Because, after all the bottles and diapers, you still have to strap 'em in and hose them down.

So, earlier this month I get ready to put Andrew in the bath because the twins were heading for the shower. He looks at me and declares, "I SHOWER." What, little man, the shower scares you still. To which, Jeff tells me that the night before (while I was out with the girls), Andrew took his first shower. Jeff gave him soap-down and rinse 101, and Andrew passed. I did not know if I should celebrate or cry. And off to the shower he went.

So, fast forward to today. I take him to swim lessons today. Jeff has taken him the last month or so, and Andrew was so excited to show me all his moves. I could read his lips behind the glass viewing area saying, "Mommy WATCH!" and him to proceed with his swimming prowess. He got so tickled with himself that he almost drown a few times because he was laughing as he went under. I could have eaten him with a spoon. As we pile back in the van (it is just the two of us), he climbs to the back seat, grabs his seat belt, declares "I TRY" and just about succeeds in the self-buckling.

I guess he is not a baby any longer. Sigh. Celebrate. Then sigh some more.

So, we have done almost 5 years of having a guy with Down Syndrome. We are forever changed for the better as God has chipped some of the ugly pride from our hearts and replaced it with a little more grace, a little more forgiveness, and a lot more joy.

I was sitting on the sofa tonight and Andrew comes waltzing in naked. Not really sure why he was naked, but he fires up the obnoxious Hallmark things that play music when you press the snowman's hand. He starts dancing and shaking his booty - trying to sing along. Big brother Jeffrey was sitting on the sofa with me and we both decided that if that did not make you smile, then you were hopeless.

Fun twin story will be next.

a long two months

2009-11-10T21:14:00.002-05:00

so what a terrible blogger I have become (again), sigh. I would love to go back in time and catch you all up and all that, but, alas, that sounds more overwhelming than posting at all. So, to be sensible and such, I'll start with the NOW of life. because, that is really all we have, now isn't it?

We just may have the dreaded swine flu. Three of us ache and fever and moan and groan. We have heard that if you have flu right now, chances are it is swine flu. I hope, frankly, that it is, so we can not fret over it and move on. The idea of getting the shot totally creeps me out (not that I don't understand if YOU got it), I just could not bring myself to do it or give it to the kids. blah. hate those kind of decisions.

I have been helping at the boys school - in the accounting department, well, I guess I am the present accounting department, but I like that kind of numbers thing so it is a good fit. I especially love seeing my boys throughout the days I am there - even if it is for a quick sip of my diet coke or a hug on the playground. The crew of them are growing too big too fast.

I am amazed we have hit November and talk of Christmas is in the air at our house - the wish lists and the count-down of days. Jeff and I reminding that it is Jesus' B-day, and the boys rejoicing that they get gifts on that day.

We just got back from vacation and it was divine! 8 days that felt like 2 once it was over. We played so hard I was actually sore at night when I hit the bed. We DID Disney and closed down parks every night. My in-loves (in-laws) joined us with a couple of cousins in tow which made it a good mix of new people to play with, but still relaxed because it was family.

My sewing career is in full swing. I have finished a few classes and recently made an apron for the boys' kindergarten teacher. It is wonderfully awful if you look too closely at it, but even Jeffrey declared it "really good,mom". It was fun and the joy of working with my hands relaxes me at the end of the day.

Our hearts are heavy and rejoicing at the same time. A friend of our families lost their precious daughter, Mallory Code (google her and read some great articles) at the age of 25. She had Cystic Fibrosis. I am so sad for her mama, well, being a mama myself. My special needs kid and her special needs kid were on different playing fields, but somehow all of us special needs moms feel connected on more levels. I have always admired and respected, Karen, Mallory's mom, and my prayers are with her tonight and the days ahead. One family member posted on facebook that they always knew that THIS day would come. Yes, it did come, but somehow none of us thought it would be NOW. Strange, isn't it? God knew. And Mallory is breathing will full lungs and without all the meds and all the fuss. That thought makes me smile.

So, there is my random, cross-subject post. Vacation and craft pictures will come one day. I can't promise when, but one day!
Love you all.

Back to school photos...

2009-09-04T21:16:00.004-04:00

Andrew

Blake

Brantley, Jeffrey & Blake (kindergarten & grade 5 - Berean Academy)

Brantley (note Jeff in the window making faces at me)

Jeffrey - 5th Grade

Update on my mom...

2009-09-04T21:15:00.000-04:00

Dear Family & Friends, or should I say faithful prayer warriors!

I got to the hospital yesterday before they took my mom up to do the procedure, and was able to pray with her and read her all your sweet emails and facebook posts. I really cannot express to you how much they meant to both my parents to know that so many people were praying, that so many cared. Mimi Jane sailed through the procedure and we got the best possible news - NO blockage - NONE! Praise God! She had to lay flat for hours after the procedure and was a trooper about it. (Nurses are not always the best patients). They released her a little after 10 last night with orders of a few days of bed rest and a week of no lifting. After that, it is onward to a healthy lifestyle. There was no scar tissue or damage from the heart attack, yet another praise!

Thank you all again for helping to carry us through this time with our family.
Have a great holiday weekend!
Blessings & Thanks,

My Mom

2009-09-03T12:33:00.000-04:00

Hi all -

I wanted to give you a quick update before I head to the hospital.

My mom has been feeling lousy for a few weeks , and went to the heart doctor Tuesday, and had a bunch of tests run. They called her Tuesday night and told her to come in first thing Wednesday morning. (I did not find out about any of this till late Tuesday night.) I went with her yesterday, and the cardiologist spent almost two hours with us. Seems she has had a "small" heart attack recently and she is going today (yes, today) for a heart cath. procedure to see if she has any blockage. The doctor was precious with her (very Godly man), but basically told her if she did not do something about her health NOW, she had a 100% chance of a heart attack in the next 7 years. She has been struggling with blood pressure and other health issues for a while now.

He wanted to do the heart cath today to make sure she does not have major blockage. He is going to do the cath. procedure on her kidneys as well to see if there is any blockage there. Best case scenario is no blockage, home tonight or tomorrow, lifestyle change, and working with the doctor on the medications she is taking. Medium scenario is blockage that needs angio-plasty or stints today - and they would keep her in the hospital for that. Worst case scenario (not expected, but presented to us) was major blockage requiring bypass surgery - which would mean that she would stay in the hospital, additional surgeons would be called in, etc. We are obviously praying for option 1!

I spent the day at the doctor and hospital with my mom yesterday, and did not get home till last night. This all happened very quickly, so I'm sorry that I have not been able to call tell some of you. Getting the boys taken care of yesterday and caring for my mom was about all I could manage!

My parents so appreciate your prayers for my mom and the doctor today - and for the continued improvement of her health. I'll be with my dad and mom this afternoon and evening and will have my laptop. I'll post this and any updates to my blog so you can keep posted on her progress.

Blessings,
Molly

Good Girlfriends

2009-08-29T19:24:00.004-04:00

I had a quick date with hubbie this afternoon - a few hours, ok, two, and during that time he was asking about how a few of my friends were doing. Steph had just called (who is suffering horribly with a case of the flu, quite possibly the swine variety - oink oink), and Jeff made the comment, "you have really good girlfriends."

The comment made me smile and feel again all-over blessed, because I do, indeed, have good girlfriends.

Girls can be rough to be friends with. We are a jealous, possessive group by human nature, so when you find a few that truly love you, and are happy for you when you are happy - and sad with you when you are sad, then you are blessed. So, I won't dare mention you by name, but here is what I love about my girlfriends.

You are all low maintenance. Some of you I talk to once a year - chat with one in a while on FB, etc, but we still love each other, and would be there in a second if the need arose. You don't need me to call you everyday to know that you are loved. Thank you for that.

I love that it is ok to NOT be ok all the time. We don't play the "I'm great - and why aren't you?" game. If I am great, you are happy for me. If I am having a rough time, you don't make me feel like a dork because of that.

You are all beautiful. One of my friend's little girl was discussing the beauty of another little girl. They got to have a great talk about the fact that just because another girl is beautiful does not mean that her beauty is less. This is hard for most girls (of any age)to understand. Just because you are pretty does not make another girl less pretty. We are each beautful and unique. Our size and shape really don't matter. We celebrate each other's beauty.

You are there. I often joke about the dark days of life - the ones that send you into the closet - to lie on the floor in the dark - maybe in the fetal position! Those are the days that you discover your true friends. We need friends that will let us lie there because that is where we need to be. We need friends that will lie outside the door and pray for us. We need friends who will grab us by the ankles and drag us out because we have been in there too long.

I have girlfriends who are younger than me, older than me, are related to me, not related to me, and are my same age. You make my life richer. You make me a better wife, mother, and friend. I am grateful for each of you. I do have good girlfriends.

WOW

2009-08-24T23:33:00.002-04:00

So tomorrow, officially, for the first time in over ten years, I will not have a child in the house during the day. Even with pre-school, someone always seemed to be home. Jeffrey was home last year for home-schooling. I guess we did have a short run when Andrew first started public school, but I spent the time driving to three schools and the B's got done at noon, but I digress.

Tomorrow. I drop them off. All of them. All day. It will be quiet. I have to work, but there will be no nanny in the house. No noise. No chaos. Will I miss it? Will I love it? Will I hate it? (doubt it). I'll let you know.

I went to back to school night for Andrew tonight. He is in the ELP class at Schwartzkopf. There are only 6 kids in his class - plus an aid - plus his speech therapist who comes and gets him for therapy - plus a reading coach (his teacher from last year who loves him). I think it will be a good year. He like his new room. After sitting in my lap for a bit, he wandered over and settled in with the other kids - playing cars and animals with them.

As we walked into school, it was like going to school with a rock star. All the kids know him. Some of the parents too. One dad told me, "you don't know me, but you have a great kid. He gives ME a hug when I drop my kids off at schoool and hug my kids." We chatted for a moment because, dare he admit, the hug from Andrew meant a lot to him. He was being loved for who he is - not for being dad - and that is different. It is a great gift of Andrew's - one he gives freely. He likes most people (but not all of them). He is willing to give of himself. We could all use a bigger dose of that.

Remind me to tell you about the twins going forward in church to be "bath-tized." Classic stuff.

Big milestones at the Voth house this week. First day of school pictures to come soon.

Blazing Hot & Fast Summer

2009-08-05T22:44:00.002-04:00

Most of you know that I work with my brother (and husband) and that our busy season (for Movex) is the summertime. To all of my friends who have not seen me since May, Labor Day is coming and I will return to my previously normal social life again. As much as a mom of four, wife, and working woman can have! It has been hectic and loud. Jeff and I both work from home, so we hire in a nanny and babysitters to help with the kids. We lock ourselves in our rooms (me in our room - Jeff in his office) and hand the kids over to capable teenagers for the afternoons. The long hours do give me a good year's worth of funny customer serivce stories, though, and the kids love that!

So, today was a sad day, because it was our Ashley's last day of being our summer nanny. The boys adore her and she DRIVES so she has been able to "air them out" with dates to the mall and Chuck E Cheese. We are thrilled for her to be going off to college, but sad for ourselves. Andrew told her "NO" when she told him the gig. He is not going to be pleased at all. The boys asked me if she could come back next summer. She will have to come visit often! Luckily, Andrew loves his Gracie (my niece and nanny-in-training) and will happily cuddle with her too.

But, between the six of us and a gaggle of sitters coming in and out of the house (did I mention Allie, Luke and Scott also help out?), it is just constantly busy and noisy around her. I am craving SILENCE. I seriously think I might come home and sit in silence for a few hours on the first day of school. My brain is FRIED and I sometimes wonder if my speech is even coherent on most days.

So, while I am sad that the time to sleep till 8 is about over (noon for Jeffrey!), I am in desperate need of a schedule and routine that is more, well, quiet and sane. I am in despearate need of a good work-out and some time to myself. I don't mean that to sound self-centered or selfish. It is just necessary. Necessary indeed.

I did take the day off work today to uniform and shoe shop. That was a violating experience (for the sheer cost of it), but it is done and over and all that is left is labeling all those clothes with VOTH in them somewhere so WHEN (not if) they leave them somewhere, there is a hope of them being returned. Maybe I should put a reward sticker in them instead.

So we worked. We swam. We camped. We saw some movies. We ate junk food. We watched TV. We even did some crafts. Andrew got to be in a wedding. Jeff and I had our birthdays. It has been a good summer. Blazing hot and fast. But a good summer.

God is good. I am blessed. My boys are great. And that is the latest update with us!

oh, and we are STILL working on Andrew learning to swim and being potty trained. sigh.

More pictures!

2009-07-27T22:50:00.005-04:00

So, he was a doll - walked the aisle on his own - handed the pillow over to Joran with a quick hug, and he was done. We were so proud and he was too cute. He declared himself "so handsome" and was enchanted with the beautiful bride, Kara - declaring her to be "so handsome" as well. He was precious as he grabbed hands with me and Jeff during prayer - and then climbed in my arms to sing "Great is Thy Faithfulness." Good stuff. Bless his heart, though, he was sitting in Jeff's lap - and slipped during the VOWS and busted his bottom lip open. He did not cry. We mopped up the blood - and as tears rolled down his cheeks, he pulled himself together and did not utter a peep. Very brave, indeed! He was a tired little trooper so after cake, we carted him home. He had already shed his jacket, tie, and shoes and socks! Great job, Mr. Andrew! We are so proud of you!

Just the way you are...

2009-07-24T22:55:00.008-04:00

So, if you keep up via facebook land, you know that Andrew is the ring-bearer in Jordan & Kara's wedding tomorrow. (www.karaandjordan.com). A precious couple that adore our boys - but especially Andrew.

When I started this blog, it was because I had just found out that Andrew had Downs. I was terrified and overwhelmed. So many people were so sweet and supportive and wanted, well, to know. Know what? I think, honestly, just to know. Like, hey, what is it really like. When I read my early posts, they are very raw. And sometimes still are. But more than anything, a deep appreciation for life - all life - and how precious it all really is.

God has shown us great things about himself through Andrew. He revealed some ugliness that I had in my own heart, and, in only ways God can do has made something beautiful with it all. I did not feel "blessed" to have a special needs child. I did not think I was some great person that God knew would rise to the challenge. What I do know is that I am better because of it. My expectations have turned to how can I help my children be who God wants them to be - not who I want them to be. And for that, I will be forever thankful.

So, tonight was special for us. You have this fear that people won't want to be around your child because he is different. Nothing could be further from the truth. Jeff and I packed Andrew up to go get his tux and head off to the rehearsal. It is very seldom that the two of us get to be with ONE of the boys, so we were excited about that in itself. We get to the tux place and I go back to the changing room with Andrew. He tells me that he does not want to wear the tux. Great start, I think. But I tell him he will look soooo handsome - and he gets to wear cool black pants, and he grudgingly agrees to change. He was the cutest thing ever - and happily exclaimed, "I sooooo handsome!" - and we took pictures with our iPhones!

sample and teaser for tomorrow:

Fast forward to church. He easily makes friends with the wedding party. Does a great job at practice. Doles out the high-fives and we are off to the rehearsal dinner. After dinner, Kara & Jordan have their "last" dance as a non-married couple - a somewhat first dance since you can't really rock out in the Baptist Church reception. And as the music starts, Andrew crawls in my lap. "Dance with me," he tells me. We dance in the chair since we can't really join the bride to be and groom on their solo dance, but the words to the music play...

"I would not leave you in times of trouble - we never could have come this far - I take you just the way you are... Don't go changing - to try and please me -I don't want clever conversation - I never want to work that hard (ooo-ooo) I just want someone that I can talk to - I want you just the way you are. I say I love you - and that's forever - and this I promise from my heart - I couldn't love you any better - I love you just the way you are..."

And in that moment - of his darling face staring at mine - his fat hands on my cheeks - I was reminded that this is Andrew's greatest gift. So, if you read my blog because you want to "know" what its like to have a child with Downs - what it is like to be Andrew's mom - his friends - his family. It is this - I love him just the way he is. He loves me just the way I am. It is the closest to God's love that I think we can get. Andrew wants to give love and be loved - not a whole lot more - and not a whole lot less.

We love you just the way you are, precious boy - and are thankful that you love us and get to be ours.

Thank you, Kara & Jordan, for allowing Andrew to be a part of your special day. We can't wait for tomorrow!

Ok, so have to tag on some videos. After the slow song, the beat picked up and Andrew hit the dance floor. How many 4 year olds can get a group of 10 hot college girls to dance with them? I know one. Oh, and Jordan, you better watch out - Andrew spent the evening patting your bride's butt and pulling her out onto the dance floor!

Pray for Kate

2009-07-05T22:29:00.002-04:00

There are things in life that take our breath away. Hearing the words brain tumor and your child's name is one of them. Some sweet friends of ours - James & Tracey - moved to Arizona. They met (on staff at the same church) a family - Aaron & Holly and their kids. Last week the doctors found a brain tumor in Aaron & Holly's 5 year old daughter, Kate. Believing God for a miracle, they are asking His people to pray - and spread the word for prayer. So, I am asking you, my friends, to pray. Pray for this precious family. There are not many of us who can even relate to what they are going through - but we can pray - and then pray some more.
You can read her whole story here...
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate (http://www.prayforkate.com)
Our prayers are with you, Miss Kate.

don't want to forget these....

2009-06-18T22:17:00.002-04:00

I am tired. It is VBS week and between that and working afterwards and not going to bed on time (i.e. not till after midnight), I am tired. tired. tired.

Tired, but happy.

It is a quick post, but I have to write these down, lest I forget them. And this is the stuff I want to be able to look back on and remember.

1) Jeffrey is spending 5 glorious days with his grandparents and cousin. An RV tour of Florida. Bliss. I adore my in-loves for taking him. What a blessing.

2) Blake - (was a bit put out yesterday). At VBS, Brantley prayed to ask Jesus in his heart. (Blake has already professed to do this). So, much ado was made over Brantley and our joy and delight that he was following God. So, sweet Blake, asks me last night as I tuck him in, "why did Brantley get all the compliments today? I asked Jesus into my heart too." I tried to explain it - to which he tells me - "but, I am sure that I love God more than He loves me." And, God, I am sure that makes you grin and almost fall off your throne with a smile. It was precious.

3) Brantley - did pray to receive Christ. I was so excited and thrilled for him. He seemed quite pleased as well. At dinner we asked him why he did it. His honest answer? "because I thought I might get a goodie bag." When you are done falling off your chair, keep reading. At first, I was a bit dismayed - but the more I thought on it - don't we all come to God with some kind of expectation - a goodie bag, a ticket out of hell, a plea for help, a search for significance, truth, etc? So, we decided to roll with it and that the desire for a goodie bag was ok.

4) Andrew. We took the rocking chair out of his room. So, now we tend to sit on the floor and rub his back and sing, or crawl into his toddler bed with him to sing to him till he falls asleep. Last night, he was in bed (with about 15 stuffed dogs) and I went to sit on the bed. he wanted me to get in bed with him. With that, he sits up and announces, "scooch over DOGS! and starts to hurl them out of the way." priceless. I made my way into the toddler bed to sing till he fell asleep.

I'm afraid to blink. If I do, they are going to be grown and gone. So, for today, I am going to soak up the moments and ponder them in my heart.

Just say, NO

2009-06-12T01:08:00.002-04:00

I did not win any parenting awards today.

A bunny has taken up with our home. Let me re-phrase. A bunny has tried to take up with our home. He dug a hole by Jeff's office window and we found him in the bushes a few days ago. He is a cute little bugger - grey, floppy ears, you get the gist. We assume he is a wild rabbit and drag the kids out front to see him. He hops into the other section of the bushes.

Next day, we give him lettuce. He finds us charming. Andrew falls in love. We have pictures of the bunny. He comes out and lets everyone pet him. He plays in the yard with Andrew (who says, awwwww, cute).

So today, I take Andrew to swim lessons. Half way through lessons, my cell rings. It is Jeffrey. The conversation goes like this:

"Hi, Mom, what ya doing - are you still at swim lessons?"

me - "yep, what's up?" (he doesn't call unless he wants/needs something.

him - "Oh, nothing - just wanted to let you know" (insert excited child voice here - "that we caught the bunny. His name is Fred. He's a boy - we checked - (like I need another boy) - and we put him in a laundry basket with water and leaves and put another basket over the top to make a cage - and he" - WAIT FOR IT - "is in the kitchen."

me - "no, put him out."

silence

me - "seriously, you caught the bunny? Is this a joke?"

him - "yeah (insert sad child voice here) umm, no, not a joke. We think he is tame. We think he has a home."

me - "good, let's find his home - but, babe, we aren't keeping him. Put him out."

him - "ok, later."

I did not hesitate. I did not blink. I did not waiver No wild bunny is going to live in my laundry basket.

So, I come home. Grey eared Fred is still in my house. I give Jeff (who was in his office) a look that says - "rabbit for dinner?" - and we escort bunny out. He has lived outside this long, Jeff points out to the kids, he'll be fine. We can give him water and lettuce out here.

We gather round and Jeffrey escorts Fred out of the basket. He hops into the bushes. He didn't even cry or look back.

I dump the leaves out of the laundry basket. Bunny Fred has peed all over the towel they had put in the bottom. I hold up the towel and make the pee announcement. Bunny is gone. The kids scurry inside. I'm left holding the pee towel to wash. And, this is why Fred will stay in the yard.

Love 'em & Leave 'em

2009-06-04T23:43:00.005-04:00

So today was Andrew's last day of school. Being winner mom that I am, I volunteered to show up for the party. (that is a joke - I am a horrible classroom volunteer - I find that the my kids behave like monsters when I show up and are fine when I am not there). But, I digress. So, after my last-minute run to purchase gift cards for Andrew's teacher, aid and speech therapist, off to school I go.

School is a winner place - they all love Andrew there (what is not to love?), but I wasn't quite sure what to do with the morning. I can't sort it out in my head or heart.

Earlier this year his teacher tells me that (a) she is going to teach summer school and (b) she is going to be the EELP teacher next year. She tells me these two facts and we discuss the virtue of consistency and having the same teacher for my little man. How he won't have to adjust to a new summer school teacher and then a new teacher next year. How great it is for his education. How flawless. How wonderful.

So, earlier this month, the bomb gets dropped that she won't be doing summer school. Now, can't say that I blame her - who doesn't want a summer off - and, quite frankly, I think they all need a break - teachers and kids a like, so, ok, whatever. But, I also know that Sir Andrew does quite well with routine and order and keeping the same teacher and/or the same schedule is good for him. I had accepted his info and moved on somewhat.

So, today, I am standing there making small-talk, and I casually ask what room she is moving to since they had her pack up all the stuff from the EELP classroom. (EELP means early education learning program - basically pre-K for special needs kiddos). She then tells me that she will be in the same room - and the light goes on for me. "oh, so you aren't teaching EELP next year?" and the short summary answer is "no."

Me, being me, and knowing that her life is not about MY child (but my life has a LOT to do with MY child) try to say something kind about making the best choices for herself and teaching where she thinks she will be most effective. I can tell she is uncomfortable because she has already told me earlier that she wants to have Andrew next year, and now she is trying to climb out of that hole. I did try to make it easier for her by saying that sometimes it is good for the kids to get new blood in the classroom and to have a chance at a fresh start with a new teacher. She politely agrees even though I have my doubts that she really believes me. I have to admit, I felt a little betrayed and let down. I felt a little "loved and left", thus the love 'em and leave 'em title.

So, we are back to square one again - a new teacher and classroom next year. A new teacher for summer school. I'm not sure that I think about it all. I know God knows what is best for my little man, but I have that mommy fear of change. While we had a few issues this year, over-all, it was a great year. He learned a lot. He was happy. What more could I ask for?

But, over the last 10 years of parenting I have learned that teachers come and teachers go. Therapists come and therapists go. They each have played a pivotal role that I don't want to diminish, but, at the end of the day, he comes home with me. That is a constant. Not the teacher. Not the school. My faith and hope cannot be in the school, the teacher or the therapist. God alone can have that place. The rest are just details that He has to work out. So, if you think of us, or think of Andrew, pray for his summer, his potty training, and the placement of his teacher next year.

As we got ready to go, Andrew had to pass out the hugs. He loved on his teacher and she promptly burst into tears because he was leaving. And me? I'm still not sure what I think or feel. Part of me is sad, maybe even angry (disappointed, hmm) that I was told one thing and now have to adjust to someone new. Part of me doesn't want change. Andrew did well and even though it wasn't perfect, it still worked. I don't want to mess with that. I'm sad because I know he was loved and safe, and now I have to start that screening process all over again. But then part of me does see the potential for fresh expectations. New energy. New chances.

I'm swinging back and forth. I was hoping that blogging about it would bring me to a clearer spot, but, hmmm, nont so much. So, I'm taking my bundle of un-sorted emotions and going to bed. It always feels darkest before the dawn.

Where did May go?

2009-05-31T22:02:00.006-04:00

Ok, laugh that my last post was about April breezing by - but, May, goodness! I have a love/hate relationship with the month of May...

Love it...
because school is almost over

Hate it....
because school is almsot over

Love it...
Beacuse it is my anniversary and we try to do something fun

Hate it...
Because it is our anniversary and we have to plan, get the kids oovered, pack, blah blah, blah

Love it...
Because there is all the end of the year school parties & fun stuff

Hate it...
Because there is all the end of the year school parties & fun stuff

Love it...
Because my Movex job gets busy.

Hate it...
Because my Movex job gets busy.

Love it...
Because it is Mother's Day and that is sweet.

Hate it...
Because it is Mother's Day and I KNOW it is such a difficult day for my infertile friends, those who have lost babies, lost mommies and all that. A tough day.

See - I'm totally messed up!

so, moving on...
The B's had their final year at Lake Mag preschool. They had such a wonderful year - amazing teacher, sweet friends, learned to read, and on and on and on. It is like a safe little cocoon over there. I tell them all the time that I call them the Stepford Wife Teachers & Admin because they are so friendly. They really are a Godly bunch of ladies that love the kiddos and do great with them. It is sad to see the end of the preschool era. Andrew is at big boy elementary school already, so wow, just like that, it is over. I don't know that I want to think about it too much! Blink.

Here is Blake's "graduation" photo...

And here is Brantley...

We are in the home stretch for Andrew being done with school. I'm an end of the year party mom, so I'll have some fun pictures to post later this week. He gets funnier by the day and his talking is getting clearer and clearer. He can communicate well, thank goodness. Potty training (this is for you, Paige) is still in progress! :) He poops on the potty at swim lessons - but not at home. We all find this random, but we'll take it. Once he gets home from school, he is good about being in his big boy pants (something I have to work on with his sitters when I'm working) - and will go if you take him. Slow and steady wins the race on this one, I'm afraid. The boot camp approach sounded lovely on paper - and worked with the others, but this one, like everything else he does, will be done on his time-table (with blatant disregard to mine!). There is a great spiritual lesson there, I am sure!

And, our home-school year is over. Let me just say, that I LOVED the time with Jeffrey. We got to hang. He learned a ton. It was really good for our relationship. He trusts us. We like each other. We love each other. He talks openly with me about the pre-teen life. He's had "the talk." He's turned 10. It's been a big year. Was it perfect? no. Did I get done everything I had hoped and dreamed? no. Was it hard as heck? yes. And, I am glad he is going back to school next year. I'll miss him - hanging out with him - but I won't miss the lesson plans and having to be teacher all the time too. I'm gladly removing that hat - and putting the mom hat back on. Deep down, I think he is a little happy about it - but let me warn you - if you ask him, the response to going back to school is not so positive!

So, wrapping up a lot of stuff this month.

Jeff & I had our 17 year anniversary. We slipped away to Siesta Key for the weekend a few weeks ago. It was bliss. He is wonderful - a wonderful man and a wonderful father. We only have a few photos fromt the weekend. My favorite was of us chilling in our beach chairs - surfing the internet on our iphones. Jeff took a picture of our feet - and all you see is our feet inter-twined together with the blue ocean and beaches stretched out before them. It felt like it summed up the last 17 years. Our legs might look like hell - and we have some ugly scars - but sunny skies and blue ocean is still in front of us - and our feet are still together - so, all good. ;) I'm too lazy to upload the photo off my phone, sorry. Surf over to FB if you haven't seen it!

We're off to Disney at the end of the week. I worked a zillion hours last week and am ready for a few days to decompress. We're camping which makes us all happy. It is STAR WARS weekend at Disney so all the men in my life are fired up about that. We're usually good about unplugging and really enjoying the kids and playing hard when we go. I'm ready for a dose of fun!

So, now you are all caught up! Have a blessed week.

I'll leave you with some of things I overhear as the twins (and Andrew trying to join in) were hollering as they wrestled earlier this eveing...a day in the life of a boy mom...
"Let's FIGHT!" (met with laughs, roaring and a clearing of furniture from the area)
"Mom - can we fight naked? Then I can put my butt in his face?" (permission denied)
followed by sound effects of explosions, gun fight, and noies I cannot imitate or explain. It all seemed rather, well, dangerous to me. Jeff was sitting on the other sofa. He didn't even flinch. I felt like I needed to leave the room.
"Should I be concerned about this?" I ask. (imagine sounds of flesh hitting flesh - spin moves and kick moves being executed around furniture and glass doors)
"Only if someone gets hurt." (from Jeff). oh, ok.

Where did April go???

2009-05-03T21:34:00.002-04:00

So, here we are at May 3rd - and April was surely a blur of activity. I hate busy - you know the, "hey, how are you?" - promptly answered by, "busy."

Busy?? Busy doing what? For whom?? Why???

But, alas, we are all busy - so I feel like we have to be so prayerfully careful WHAT we are busy doing. Or I am afraid we are going to wake up one morning - old -
kids gone - and we will wonder what happened.

It is a stuggle for sure - especially with work and four kids, but something to consider and think about.

I guess that lately, as my twins have hit SIX years old, that I think about it more. My dear sweet hubbie told me at dinner this weekend that I looked great - not a day over 25 years old. (The man is GOOD). I think it was the sun - we had spent the day playing with the kids - in the pool - at home - a fun, happy day. We were feeling tan and content - a nice place to be.

At church, our pastor is preaching about "waht is you had 30 days to live?" At home, we have friends in crisis around us - friends whose marriages are falling apart, friends who have lost their jobs, friends who are losing their homes, and the list goes on. On the news, we get swine flu and economic disaster. It is a strange time - and as I read this - a strange post! There are so many levels of things going on - that I guess I don't know where to start...and that is where I'm at.

So, in bullet points -
- kids are good - everyone healthy. Andrew is taking swimming lessons and is still working on potty training. I had to pull him out of a friend's hot tub today which took five years off my life, but he took a breath as he slipped off the edge (thank you swim lessons) which bought me enough time to get in and fish him out. (in my new shorts, oh, well). Bless him, he came out sputtering and telling us that he was both scared and sorry.

The B's turned six last week - separate post with pics to follow. They are getting BIG fast. They get sweeter by the day (although sometime whiney) - but get funnier and smarter. Brantley declared "we have the technology" when he needed to erase something off his book report today. They conspired against Jeff before church this am. He went into their closet to get some shirts out and the two turkeys had been hiding in there waiting to scare him. They did. So, minus five years (ok, maybe one year) off his life today too.

Jeffrey is in the home stretch of home-schooling. (thank you, Lord, we are almost done). We have had a great year, but are both ready for summer and no lesson plans. I am ready to go back to being mom - and taking off the full-time teacher hat. Home-schooling is not for the faint-of-heart and will take more time and energy than you think.

So there is the "busy" month in review - ha-ha. Pictures to come soon.

Happy May!

why we camp

2009-03-22T22:51:00.004-04:00

so, my sister in law says to me...
you have a TRAILER? AND you have been to MONSTER JAM....
the implication being that we are WHITE TRASH! LOL
But, I can't give words to why we camp, but here is why....

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practice, practice, practice

2009-03-17T21:14:00.005-04:00

so, if you all are as bored reading about potty traning as I am about DOING potty training, we are all pretty miserable. After a pretty productive weekend, Monday was a disaster. Not once in the potty. Not even close. sigh.

But Tuesday dawned a new day and he went before school - and then had NO accidents from the time he got home to bed-time. He peed on the potty before going to bed and that was that.
hmmm, maybe he is getting it after all.

Honestly, it is hard to tell. He will go when put on the potty (if he actually has to go) but has yet to TELL us he needs to go. So, we are working him into what is technically called a "toileting schedule." And, when I read that, it makes me realize that I research everything WAY TO MUCH. My sister got a chuckle over me actually ordering and reading a potty training book for my FOURTH child. But I can handle the humor. I find it funny (in an ironic - not ha-ha funny) kind of way.

For those of you just tuning in, I am talking about Andrew and potty training. The rest of our family already go in the toilet.

But, here is the mantra of the day, week, month, and possilby years. I am not sure how long this will take. But I guess it really doesn't matter. It HAS to be done. So we work on it every day. Practice, practice, practice. Repeat, repeat, repeat. You do these 6 steps till we get it right. It is like the Down Syndrome learning creed.

But, come to think of it, couldn't we all use a good dose of this? Failure, well, not an option. And I'm not talking about the potty (though failure is not an option there either). I'm talking about life. So, practice, practice, practice. Repeat, repeat, repeat. To do this, it requires patience, forgiveness, grace, and a liberal amount of humor. No matter what you are facing - problem in your marriage, issue with your kids, problem with your job, the economy, finances, whatever? Practice, practice, practice. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

We can all get it right eventually.

Lord, give us the grace to stick it out and get it right.

Falling in love all over again...

2009-03-14T22:42:00.005-04:00

I woke this morning with my game-face on. The M&M's were ready. The doll that wets and poos had batteries. The brand new Thomas the Tank Engine, CARS, and Diego undies were ready to go. I had read the potty training book till I fell asleep last night. I was ready.

But, the big question was, was Andrew ready?

In a small re-cap, we plugged along. I instructed, we talked pee-pee and poop, we had some success. We had some accidents. The amount of pee in the potty exceeded the amount of pee on the floor, so I considered it a potty-training victory.

What I was prepared for was exhaustion (which I am) and frustration (which I wasn't). What I wasn't prepared for was falling in love with Andrew all over again.

I love my husband. I love my children. But, sometimes, in the daily grind of school, work, carpool, blah blah blah, we forget how much we like each other. What was so nice about today was the fact that I had nothing to do other than spend time with Andrew. And, face it, you can only discuss the wee-wee for so long, and, then, well, let's play.

I have read books till my voice hurts. Played cars. Played trains. Danced to Barney. Ridden scooter cars through the house. Laughed till my sides hurt. Andrew is funny. He actually has a really quick wit and loves a joke. He would sit on the potty and innocently hold out an M&M to share - then pull it away from me and eat it - while giving me a "got-cha" look - and then giggle so hard he would almost fall off the potty. We played peek-a-boo between the levels of his cars' parking garage. He was laughing so hard at me that he actually DID fall over. We had very complex conversations with the creepy doll that sits on the potty. The doll would giggle and say, "uh-oh, I made a stinkie." This made Andrew laugh every time! He loved sayin the word stinkie - and would then wave his hand in the air (like he was clearing the air) declaring that the dolly was eeewwwww gross! Hilarious stuff.

And as the day wore on and we collapsed on the sofa to watch some TV, he snuggled into me and the smell of his baby-hair took my breath away. The softness of his cheek never felt better. The tenderness of his voice melted me all over again.

So, like during a great date with my husband, when half-way through dinner you have the,"hey, we really do get along and I really do LIKE you," conversation, I fell in love all over again with Andrew.

Like I really could fall any harder?

So while I don't think we completed our "toilet training in a day" like the book claimed we would, I think we accomplished much more.

We'll try to conquer the potty again tomorrow.

Game ON!

2009-03-13T19:09:00.003-04:00

The time for Potty Training Boot Camp has arrived. Jeff is gone camping with the other boys (more on that later). The poop toys are purchased, the skittles are in place, the new big boy pants are waiting to be put on. When we wake up tomorrow, we are tossing the diapers and not looking back.

I have vague recollections of potty training my three other children. You would think I would be a pro. I have actually done research and even ordered a book off of amazon. I have consulted friends and therapists. I have read horror stories of parents trying to potty train their kids with Down Syndrome - disaster stories of confusion and kids being 6 and 7 before they are fully potty trained. And, honestly, that terrifies me.

But then I think, this kid can count to 20, knows alls sorts of stuff and is smart. I feel like if we don't put and end to the diapers NOW, that we are training him that it is OK to go in his pants. And that is certainly not an option.
This potty gig is important. You have to be potty trained to be in a regular education class. Diapers are un-cool. Crapping your pants is uncool and will not make you popular witht he chicks or other kids in your class. We have to get this thing under control! (Can you hear the pep-talk I have been giving myself?)

So, I did not want to make a weak effort at it. I waited till I was mentally and physically ready. The calendar is clear. I have 48 hours of one-on-one intensive, and will do what it takes past that. I had a conference call with Andrew's teacher today to discuss our transition into school plan. Basically, I am keeping him home on Monday and will call her and let her know how things go. I told her I am willing to come to school and help till we are sure he has it.

I am ready to go the distance on this thing.

It is the hill I am willing to die on at the moment.

If I disappear for a while, you know where I am.
In the bathroom with Andrew.

For my sweet prayer supporters, I do ask you to pray for us this weekend. Pray that Andrew gets it. Pray that I have patience. Pray I have success stories to share SOON.

the men in my life

2009-02-26T21:20:00.002-05:00

I was chatting with my sister this week (which is a daily thing - thank you, Lord, for unlimited long distance) and we were discussing that we really did not mind being the only chick in our houses. She has two boys (three counting hubbie) and I have four (five counting hubbie). And while I have a pang of envy when I see tea parties, dresses, prom shopping and wedding dress shopping, we have decided that we are going to take the "glass half full" response - and selfishly enjoy being the only Princess in the house.
So, in no particular order of importance- here is WHY I love being the only woman...

-I am the only one that requires a manicure and pedicure.
-I don't have to wrestle and can watch TV while they tear each other apart on the family room floor. (seriously, I cannot watch them wrestle. It makes me nervous).
-I am admired and wooed by five men. The twins write me love notes while they are at school. Jeffrey loves on me every day. Don't even ask how much love I get from Andrew (it is obscene). Actually, the four little men make Jeff feel badly sometimes!
-I will eventually perfect the art of being Mother of the Groom. I promise, future daughter-in-loves that I will wear whatever color you wish and I will adore your babies.
-The mention of any hormonal issues causes any boy near me to scatter and leave me alone. I am the only one that requires tampons. One of us around here with that issue is PLENTY.
-My boys all feel very protective of me and I find that very sweet. In the fiercest gun fights around here, someone will shout loudly - "You CAN'T shoot MAMA - we DON'T SHOOT GIRLS!"
-I can do all my boys hair for church in about 30 seconds. They line up at the sink - a splash of water - and poof, they are ready.
-There is no clothing drama. They wear jeans and t-shirts eveyday and are thrilled with it. They each have one pair of tennis shoes. (During the summer, they add a pair of flip flops).
It is good to be the queen!

What Jeff is the best Dad ever...

2009-02-25T21:01:00.004-05:00

Blake at MONSTER JAM

from pee on the carpet to Education (a giant leap)

2009-02-25T20:32:00.004-05:00

So, let's move from potty training (still slow and no sucess to report) to education. For those of you who don't know, the more children I have had, the more my thoughts on education have changed. Each child and each school is SO DIFFERENT. We decided that we would prayerfully consider each child, each year. This year, I have one in public school, two in private school and one whom I am homeschooling. So, you cannot say that I am an education snob. LOL I love them all and they each have their pros and cons.

Which leads me to - what makes the decision for YOU? Email me if you have time. I really would love to hear. I find the whole process of choosing a school very emotional since it is dealing with whom I love most - my little (and not so little) ones.

Here are my current frustrations:
1) with homeschooling - It is hard. damn hard. But, it is also wonderful. When we are on, we are cranking. I have laid on the sofa and read beautiful literature with my son. We have spent tons of time together. Oh, wait, I was going to talk about frustrations - must focus! Which is a frustration with homeschooling - staying focused. Jeffrey and I both love to have a good time, and we are easily distracted. We stay up too late at night, and I don't force him to get up in the mornings. The lack of other kids to hang out with can be tough (more for me - not him) because he would hang with me all day. I have a love/hate relationship with lesson plans. I love them because they keep us on track and hate them because I have to take time to do them. I always have this sense that we could be doing MORE - doing it BETTER (and we probably could). There is a high level of what I call "mommy guilt." So that is my frustration with homeschooling.

2) Public School. I LOVE public school. They have welcomed Andrew with open arms and have been fantastic. Again, leave it to me to be positive first. It is a skill, I assure you. What is frustrating to me is that WHY can't there be Jesus, the Bible and religion in public school? Ok, so intellectulally I know WHY, but I still hate it. It is frustrating to me that because Andrew has Down Syndrome, he does not currently have a place in private school! The services at public school are FREE, well, paid by my tax dollars, but still do not require an additional out-pouring of cash.

3) Private School. I love private school because they do teach the Bible, pray with the kids, have chapel, etc. etc. There is Jesus during the day - and He is welcome at school and is at the center of Christmas and Easter. The parents are more "like us" in their belief system. My frustration is that private schools can and do exclude (at their own discresion) those who do not meet its "criteria." I have heard the arguement of funding, staffing, blah blah blah, but if the desire to educate the whole family was truly there, a way could be made.

Consider this...School A - this school will gladly welcome ANY child - regardless of disability or ability. A team meets with the parents and supports are put in place for the child to be educated, cared for, and dare I say, loved. Then there is school B. "B" has an admisison program and process, and B excludes those that they do not want to spend their time and money to educate.

IF I asked you which school sounds more like the one that Christ would be at the center of - which one would YOU answer?

And, that, my friends, is my current frustration.

pee on the carpet & other misc things

2009-02-23T19:41:00.003-05:00

Not a very pretty title - but a story of the day. We cleaned up our first round of pee on the carpet after school today. But I have to say, Andrew's butt in big boy pants is very cute. Jeff mentioned that it would save us a fortune to get this show on the road. So, between the two of us, we are motivated at the moment. I'll keep you posted on the progress.

The healthy thing is back in full swing. "Back??" you ask...when did it go away? umm, that would be over the weekend. Our frig emptied out and we had not made it to the store, so we fell back on chick-fila for lunch and, ok, I'll admit it, dinner too. But, we are back on the protein, fruit and veggie wagon today, so at least we got back on!

I had a great day. A friend needs a formal dress, so I bailed on the homeschool thing - left Jeffrey with a pile of work to do on his own (he only called me three times!) and went shopping. It was a blast. I have not taken a few hours off like that in a long time and it felt great! We haven't found a dress yet, so hopefully we'll hit the shops again this weekend.

So, that is about it. Had a Heart & Home show this weekend and that was a blast. Jeff took Blake to Monster Truck JAM! LOL - will have to post some pictures. My relatives are calling us white trash - between our trailer (umm, that would be a CAMPER) and Monster JAM - and our kid peeing on the carpet, maybe we are trash!

Potty Training Boot Camp

2009-02-21T22:24:00.003-05:00

Bust our the carpet cleaner and the bribery M&M's. I'm going to have to break down and potty train Andrew. The little turkey totally pooped and peed on the pot for his teacher last year. We have yet to see this occur in our house. Both his teacher this year and I have been putting it off and putting it off, and I am feeling like if we don't do it soon, we are missing a window of opportunity.

It is a frustrating thing with Down Syndrome - knowing what he understands and when. But, then I think - what do you say to anyone who does not know him? And, basically I always say, "he understands everything you say - even if he cannot talk back to you about it."

He will tell you that poop goes in the potty. He wakes up dry from his nap. He will tell you the minute he poops so he can get cleaned up. He even does sound effects - "ooooohhhhh - GROOOOSSSSSS." And it it is ew, gross.

So, I am mentally gearing up for boot camp. I have decided to go hard-core and to the "potty-training-in-a-day" philosophy which basically says, stay home, drink lots (the kid - not the mom- although...), party every time there is success, clean it up when it doesn't. Jeff is taking the other boys camping in March and I think I am going to clear my calendar as well and get down to business. If I keep him home on Friday, we could have a full 72 hours to see what kind of success we could have.

So, the countdown is on. The potty books are coming out. The bribe candy and toys need to be bought. I'm going to rid my house of diapers. I hope.

We Lost

2009-02-20T23:23:00.003-05:00

Jeff and I go to a Sunday School class for old married farts. Ok, so I don't think it is called Sunday School anymore - has new terminology now - Bible fellowship - fellowship class, whatever. I'll always call it Sunday School. But I digress. Also, I think we are the only old married farts in the class. Meaning we have been married longer than 10 years (going on 17 to be more exact). Maybe there are some that have been married longer, but I don't think so.
This year for Valentine's Day, it was the girls' turn to do "something special" for the guys. The guys then would email our fearless leader and teacher and he and his wife would pick "the winner." First of all, let me go on record to say, that (1) I am impressed by the amount of ladies that went out of their way to do something special and (2) I am even more impressed that their husbands actually wrote to tell about it.
So amongst the honorable mentions were some fun ones - new bikes and new hobbies being done together - love notes for 14 days, etc. The winner, however, totally blew us away. It was days of love notes - and then a jar of 365 love notes so he would have a reason each day that she loves him - dinner dates (one with kids - one without), renewed marriage vows and - and - and - and, seriously, this entry was SIX PAGES long.
I love that folk are willing to go the extra mile. I think it is cool and admirable.
But I have to admit, that kind of effort was not in me this year (and may never be). We don't even do cards. I am afraid that I am more like the story of the old couple that had been married forever. One day the wife said to the husband, "why don't you ever tell me that you love me?" The husband replies,"Didn't I tell you that I love you on our wedding day?" She replies, "well, yes." And he tells her, "well, if anything changes, I'll let you know." I'm afraid that I am that guy, well, that guy in a chick kind of way.
But, at the end of the evening, Jeff and I are both relieved that, for the moment, we don't need 365 notes. When at the end of the day, he is the only one I really want to hang out with, it is all good. We would probably forget to read the notes anyway. We gave each other a wink at dessert, and I told him, "dang, honey, we lost." He laughed and winked back. "No", he said with a smile. "No, we didn't." Some things you can't write about on your blog.
Maybe I'll try harder next year.

Molly DOES NOT NEED...

2009-02-19T20:49:00.002-05:00

a new blog!

I am so excited about my blog "make-over!" I only wish I was as cute as it is! Danielle, from The Design Girl made me look great! Thanks so much, Danielle!

I LOVE a make-over - and a new start! Whether it is a new year, new month, new day, I always love to find a new hope. May we never get so bogged down in a current circumstance that we cannot look up to God to pull us out!

I am so inspired, I just might have to get a new haircut, a new outfit, a new SOMETHING to go with the Blog! LOL.

And, for all my facebook friends, I found the _______ Needs posts hilarious! The guys' post were espcecially funny. Seems the girls only need botox and new homes!

I am also very please that I can now watch last night's episode of LOST on the internet - so nighty-night!

Molly Needs...

2009-02-18T22:26:00.001-05:00

This is a fun activity for the narcissist in you all....

"Go to Google and write your name and the word ‘needs’, in quotes — as in “Sarah needs” - note the first 15 sensical sentences that come up.

1.Molly needs a new full time mom (who won't name her after animals)

2. Molly needs our prayers.

3. Molly needs new shoes.

4. Molly needs a new hairstyle.

5. Molly needs a catchy slogan for running for 3rd grade student council.

6. Molly needs a new home. (dog ad)

7. Molly needs a new job.

8. Molly needs a new family by the end of February (also a dog ad)

9. Molly needs help (more dog ads)

10. Molly needs a smack. (not a dog ad - but did not want to click on it)

11. Molly needs leg amputation (more dog sob stories)

12. Molly needs to be very afraid. (creepy)

13. a new home (more dog ads)

14. a new home (more dog ads)

15. a new home (more dog ads)

Ok, what Molly really needs is to go to bed and for people to stop naming their dog Molly!

me and Jeff

2009-02-17T16:29:00.003-05:00

me and Jeff

Jeffrey - Age 10

2009-02-17T16:27:00.001-05:00

Jeffrey

Blake - Age 5 1/2

2009-02-17T16:25:00.002-05:00

Blake

Brantley - Age 5 /12

2009-02-17T16:24:00.002-05:00

Brantley

photos for blog makeover

2009-02-17T16:02:00.007-05:00

Andrew - Age 4

Day One - A Healthy Generation

2009-02-16T21:10:00.002-05:00

So, if you have know me for any length of time, you know that a few years ago (after Andrew was born), I got inspired to journey through finally taking care of ME and I lost a lot of weight. It was (and is) great - although I hate to tell you that keeping it off is even harder than losing it in the first place. It is a struggle for me and God and I chat about it often. But, while I was mainly concerned at that time with my looks, I was also on a quest to be healthy - to be here for my kids - to be the mom that could actually run after the bike, catch the ball and not be so tired all the time. You know that mom - we are all that mom at times - even when we are fit - the one who says, "no, honey, mommmy is going to sit in the sun and read this magazine while you play."

As my kids get older, I have witness an alarming trend in the American family - my own included - that starts slowly and spirals out of control. For us, it goes like this.
1) a resolution for healthy living
2) a crisis (sick kid, work stress, vacation - the crisis can be both good and bad) - and the resolution goes out the window. We affectionately call it "falling off the wagon."
3) the crisis passes, but a "mild" bad habit got aquired during the crisis.
For us, one time it might be a drive-thru for dinner. Next time it was pizza out of the freezer. Next time it was Ramen noodles.

And before we know it, we are driking juice boxes and eating cookies for breakfast.

If this has never been you, go read somewhere else. (kidding - kind of - I don't need judgement here - I need support).

So lately, thankfully,there has not been much of a crisis. And that is a good thing. But, my kids have allergies. They have asthma. They are addicted to sugary foods and carbs. My weight has started to ever so slowly started to creep up. My allergies have spiraled out of control - environmentally - and now I have food allergies. And enough is enough.

Being the research junkie that I am, I started to research allergies and asthma. God brought people in my life with experience and dropped some amazing books in my lap. As I have prayed over it, wrestled with it, and now, am finally submitting to it, we have made resolution to get healthy - not perfect - healthy.

I don't know what it looks like, but Jeff is a gem for this kind of thing and is grinding out the details with me. What will our kids' lunch-boxes look like without "fruit" roll-ups? (that incidentally turn their poop neon green (that can't be a good thing). What do our meals look like. And it spills over to our schedule. To eat healthy, it is easier to be at home. To be at home, means we aren't over-commited and over-tired - "driving thru" some heart-attack-in-a-sack just to be done with it. (please, don't hear judgement here - I would not know this if I have not lived it)

We called a "family meeting" on Saturday and talked to the kids about our bodies being temples - and God himself lives in our hearts - so shouldn't we take care of our bodies? They were on board as much as kids could be.

Today, however, after 24 hours of lean protein and veggies they have never seen, my children, I am sure, all think I am the spawn of Satan.

Lest you think I am making them gag down brussel sprouts in the first 24 hours, dinner last night was home-made Kung-Pao chicken with green bean. They ate the chicken and each gagged down a bean or two. Breakfast of bacon (wihtout all the junk in it) and eggs was met with mixed reviews. But lunch of grilled chicken, the option of a side soup or salad sent Brantley to my bed for full blown tears and cries of "why can't we just go to MacDonalds??" Andrew asked for a waffle at least 47 times today. By the time dinner time arrived, we were all exhausted and Jeffrey had starved himself all day. Great. We're off to a great start. But, as one of my favorites books, "The Courage to Start", says, at least we have started. And that is a large part of the battle.

But, they ate dinner - and the rise in everyone's blood sugar made for a happier crew for sure. Blake told me that I needed my own cooking show because I was a great cook (love that kid) and Brantley was pleased with a promise of a McDonald's treat on Friday after school if he stuck with us and ate healthy all week. Jeffrey did eat dinner and came back for more later in the evening. whew. We made it.

I don't want to be "that mom." you know, the crazy one. But if my kids can be healthy and my family can be healthy, I guess I will settle to be her. To become her. I might even decide to like her. As Jeff and I were making our salads for lunch, his came out bland (I got dibs on the leftover Kung Pao), and he made the statment that maybe a little sacrifice and self-denial is what God has for all of us -not in a punishing kind of way - but in a friendly kind of way. Like the girlfriend who is honest enough to tell you that your butt really doesn't look good in those jeans and that your child really is just being a brat. We need friends like that. I have friends like that (thank you, ladies). And God is my friend like that. He loves me, but is letting me know that the road may be difficult - and the journey long, but we are going to make it.

James 1:2 says,"when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." We are certainly entering a growing season.

and here's a shot of how I truly feel about it all...LOL

Love or Craziness - I'm really not sure.

2009-02-15T21:44:00.003-05:00

So, we are not the most romantic couple when it comes to Valentine's Day. I got flowers on Friday - nice, but, honestly would have been happy without them. Correction, I would have been ticked had he NOT gotten them, but since he did, well, you get the picture. Poor men having to deal with hormonal women. They probably can't win. Friday was a sweet day, though.

Hold on and see if you can keep up! I started at 8 am at Andrew's school for Valentine's Field Day. The whole school was out in force for field games set to 80's love songs. They had to do some adapting for of the games (meant for 1st - 5th grade) - and Andrew is FOUR, and, oh yeah, still has Down Syndrome. But he boogied to the 80's beat, tossed hearts, did obstacle courses (since he can lift his leg over his head) and generally had a great time wearing himself out with his classmates for two hours.

Already clad in my red t-shirt, I stop by Blake & Brantley's shin-dig since I had mis-packed bags of Valentines (Andrew had Blake's and Blake had Andrew's). I found the mix-up irritating since we had done them early this year (Monday - seriously- they were done 4 days early) so to pack them in the wrong back-pack was generally frustrating. But, since we had done over 40 of the suckers, it was as good as it was going to get. So, back to the B's school for a drop-in visit. The boys were thrilled by the surprise visit. I was not the "party mom" so was not required to attend.

From school #2, I head to homeschool group - now Valentine Event #3 for the day for me (and it is not even 11:00 am). Here, the kids have made Valentines and decorated batches and batches of heart cookies to take to a local nursing home. We had a chat with our 4th graders that they needed to stop calling it "the old people's home" - that they were "elderly" - but I don't know if this lesson stuck. What I do know is that my heart was full of love and admiration for my little man Jeffrey, who just turned 10. The old folks, I mean elderly, were all sitting in the lobby and a sitting room waiting for lunch. Our 4 little people very sweetly patted arms, handed out cookies, wished each one a Happy Valentine's Day - and even answered questions. I could see Jeffrey get uncomfortable at times - unsure of what to do - like when one of the ladies was so crippled in her back that she was literally bent over at the waist and her line of sight was knee level - and her arms near the ground. In fairness to Jeffrey, I wasn't quite sure what to do either, but I always assume that mental capacity is fine (and even if it isn't, who cares?), so I squatted, and handed her a cookie. Jeffrey followed suit, wished her a "Happy Valentine's" and tucked her card into her chair. He was treated to her sweet smile and thanks, and as I watched his face, I realized that he was learning a great lesson that day (and it did not include diagramming sentences or decimals). Because, as it always is with loving others, you think you are going to serve others and you walk away with the bigger gift. With smiles and waves we wandered out, and, whew, my Valentine Friday was half-way over.

I must scan the card that Brantley made for me. It says, "I love my mom, said Brantley. I love my mom and dad - said Brantley." It tickled me that he made me 3-4 cards - but I was even more tickled by the "said Brantley" tag line!

Jeff and I did manage a dinner date Friday night. It was quite by accident. We had a sitter because we were going to a dinner party. But two couples got sick ones in their families and one had a baby-sitter cancel, so we were left alone - but with a siiter - not at all a bad place to be! Dinner was nice (Bonefish) and we took the kids to a movie as a family "date" on Saturday.

I posted on FB that I am "unromantic" about Valentine's Day. I guess I was feeling unromantic at the moment, but I do love romance the rest of the year. But the day did remind me to love on others (the nursing home thing) so I guess its not such a bad holiday after-all!

Student of the Month!

2009-02-02T19:35:00.004-05:00

So, to be perfectly honest, I was terrified of sending Andrew to school. I cried the entire day after I VISITED the class - terrified because he was so little. I did not know these people - they did not know me or Andrew. Would he obey for them? Would they understand what he was saying like Jeff and I do? But more than anything - would he be loved? Would he feel safe? Would he be able to "do" school???

So, Friday was as big a day for me and Jeff as it was for Andrew. He can do school. He can do it and do it well (at least for now, and that is all that matters). He got picked to be student of the month for his class. We got to go to a little award ceremony - where he was presented with a certificate and pin. Lots of families were there. Andrew clapped for himself - it was very sweet. The teacher writes a paragraph about the student.

Here is what she had to say...
"Since the first day of school, Andrew has been a star in our classroom. He is helpful to his friends and teachers and is always ready to have fun! Whenever we need a laugh, we turn to Andrew! He comes to school ready to learn and gives a smile from the minute he steps into the classroom with his waffles. A day without Andrew is honestly a boring day in PreK!"

yes, he does eat a waffle in the car EVERY morning on the way to school. If he has not finished it, he carries it in with him!

A shout out of thanks to his teachers and the school staff for having a warm and loving environment for my child. He LOVES going to school and feels like such a rock star there. As a mom, I am very very grateful. After being a part of private schools, home schooling, etc, I have been more than impressed with our local public school and the care and services they give. But that, is a subject for another blog! This one just celebrates Andrew. Way to go, sweet love!

and so you just never know...

2009-02-01T13:11:00.003-05:00

I doubt I will ever forget a few staggering moments in my life...

praying to receive Christ in my life

falling in love

saying "I do"

our first home

sitting across from the inferility doctor and him saying, "here is the card of a good adoption attorney OR you could try in-vitro"

It's a BOY

it's TWINS

It's a BOY. It's a BOY

"Jeff, I'm pregnant."

It's a BOY.

sitting in the pediatrician's office, "I'm going to tell you the truth. I think he has Down Syndrome."

Moments. Moments of joy. Moments of terror. Moments that take your breath away. The older I get, the more you come to know that you are only a moment away from some sort of BIG change (good or bad). And so the promises of God - that he holds our future and He is our Hope become more and more precious and more and more of a life-line.

In the last few weeks alone:

a friend had surgery for breast cancer

a neighbor lost their job

a husband is being deployed to Iraq

a friend's children had surgery

and the list goes on and on.

And so, if you just never know what the next moment brings, shouldn't you know the One who does?

my head might explode

2009-01-30T21:48:00.003-05:00

so, much is going on in Voth land - and very little at the same time.

Little - that would be defined by (1) I'm not busy at work right now and (2) I'm not doing any Heart & Home stuff till March and (3) we have very very little on our social calendars (which is a good thing)

Much - that would e defined by (1) lots of sick kids - stomach flu, bronchitis, and now regular flu - (2) me doing allergy tests and being allergic to, well, everything.

so, that has led to a re-newed quest for wellness - for me - the kids - relief from the allergies, asthma, eczema, blah blah blah. Which, is what is leading to my head exploding. The more research I do, the more it starts to swim. Add some more research and the thought that it might explode is starting to cross my mind. Jeff suggests that I come watch some mindless movie with him and Jeffrey and I think I am going to go do that.

so, more to come on the quest - OH - AND - Andrew was chosen student of the month at his school - pictures and glowing mommy and daddy moments will be coming soon, I promise.

The Greatest Show on Earth - NOT

2009-01-11T20:25:00.004-05:00

We had the tickets, the grandparents, and visions of getting to watch an elephant disappear as I took the three big boys to the Circus today. We get there, walk forever, find our seats as the National Anthem is being played. With that, the lights dim, the music blares, fairies come from the ceiling and the master of ceremonies comes to center ring. And within the first two minutes, no, the first 30 seconds, Blake FREAKS OUT. He starts screaming that he is scared. I try to talk him off the ledge. But as I pull him into my lap, I can acutally feel him shaking and his heart racing. Not wanting him to grow up hating the circus, clowns, and elephants - I ask Brantley a quick "are you scared? Response = NO, so I tell my parents that we are bailing out. Flush $30 bucks per seat down the toilet. I take Blake out and he calms down. I call Jeff and he drives downtown and picks him up so we (me, Brantley, Jeffrey and other family memebers) can enjoy the rest. So, I spend the first half of the circus sitting on park bench outside the Ice Palace. sigh. I walk all the way back in, find my seat again, check on Brantley and Jeffrey (Who are enthralled with the whole thing) and with that, they bring up the lights and take a break! Fantastic. I did get to enjoy the second half. As it starts, Brantley tells me that he is ready to go - and I tell him NO (he wasn't scared, just missed Blake) - so he settles in and we watch the rest. I am sure for some it is the Greatest Show on Earth - for me is just felt like the most expensive, scary, stressful show on earth. I doubt I will go back with the littler ones any time soon - say - in the next five years or so!

maybe he's normal after all

2009-01-05T22:03:00.003-05:00

normal. the word gets tossed around a lot in the parenting world. Retarded. That one does too. When we were kids, we called the dog retarded. I called my brother retarded. It is not until you have someone who, well, has mental retardation that you really think twice about the word and you don't want it used negatively. (Esp. against my kid!) I kind-of choke on the word now. It is not as funny. (except calling my brother retarded, that will always be funny)
We all want our kids to be normal. To go to school. To have friends. To enjoy life. We want them to be, well, normal.
One of my biggest Andrew fears was this expected lack of normal. He has Down Syndrome, for goodness sack, how normal could our lives ever be? Well, come to find out, rather boring and normal. I hate to burst your bubble that you have built for us - you know the one - the "oh, they must be special to have a special needs child" one.
My case for normal is proven at the infamous Chuck E. Cheese today. Looking to win mommy brownie points and also looking to kill time on the last holiday day before school starts tomorrow (thank you, Lord), I announce to the kiddos that I am taking them to the Cheese. They are thrilled. Andrew is thrilled. The twins are thrilled. I am, well, ok, I am thrilled too. I am getting to be cool mom for once.
The sad part of this experience is that Andrew has discovered that all those machines do magical things if you ACTUALLY PUT A COIN IN THEM. We went for a good 3 years of being able to just sit in the race car game in total enjoyment of it! But, sigh, no, he had his own token cup. He wandered off on his own. He burned through all his money. He even told a worker, "I LOST" when he could not find me (i.e. to get more coins). He sat and ate pizza. He danced with Chuckie. He played in the playground area. He complained when the money ran dry. He traded his tickets for crap toys. It was all beautifully beautifully normal.

(He did get extra tickets from a worker. They threw some to the kids who danced with Chuckie. All the other little urchins were scrapping like the things were gold. Andrew very politely picked up the ones in front of him. The worker found this quite endearing and gave him a handful when the other kids walked away. I am sure there is a lesson there, somewhere.) I am only sorry I did not take pictures. I guess I lose the mommy points for that.

a fresh start

2009-01-04T17:20:00.003-05:00

I think what I love most about a new year is the fresh start. We start over with the budget, the diet, the schedule - all of it. love it, love it, love it. But, I do tend to have a bit of OCD so I have been organizing, purging and cleaning like, well, a mad woman. My closet is clean as is my pantry and the kids' stuff. Our inside is in desperate need of a new paint job so that has fueled the effort as well. I have not answered the phone or email for a week - due to strep throat - but also in an effort to do what we lovingly call - "fall back and re-group." It is a time to work through it all - and ask - what is working and what isn't.
What is working is that we have been good about keeping up with date night and spending time as a family, so we want to protect that in 2009.
What is not working is that I have not seen a treadmill or a run in months and months and feel like crap as a result. So, that needs tweaking.
The kids' school schedule is good. The homeschool gig needs some tweaking, but is over-all a success. The budget is always in need of work. :)
As the boys get older, we grow more focused on "heart" training - teaching them to love God and then love others so that is getting more focus in 2009 as well.
We are well aware that all of us are but a breath away from difficult circumstance, so we take a long breath, count our blessings and look with hope to 2009.
Blessings to you and your family in the New Year!

A perfect way to ring in the New Year

2008-12-31T20:17:00.004-05:00

no, we did not plan the perfecct party. Strep throat has descended on our house and the feeling of rawness in the back of my throat is a pretty good sign that I've got it too. However, I received an email today from the Armstrong Family. They are the family that lost their precious Harris earlier this month. Their words of faith and encouragement are the perfect way to bring in 2009. I hope they do not mind me sharing them....

From our family to yours - be blessed in 2009.

From the Team Zone Notification:

Best Wishes for a Happy and Prosperous New Year!

Full of Hope, Patience, and Faith we remain in Him,

The Armstrong Family

This past May we shared Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” with our most beautiful and bright niece for her high school graduation, and now find ourselves standing on this verse while looking ahead with Hope for the New Year.

Recently we were reminded by our friends at Giving Hope through Faith Foundation of a quote made in the movie Evan Almighty regarding the question of Patience and petition of prayer. God was talking to Evan’s wife and said, “Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”

A number of the verses they corresponded to these questions offers perseverance as another word for exercising Patience:

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:36 (LB) and “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your Faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4 (NIV)

As our family’s Faith has grown we no longer believe so much in coincidences including the fond memory of hearing Pastor Craig’s sermon involving the latter verse, and discussing with Harris its meaning and application afterwards.

Hopefully we in turn incorporated James 1:2-4 in one of Harris’ team updates.

We would like to leave with you in closing 2008 and ushering in 2009, a brief article written by Eloise Neel titled Looking Ahead with Hope who without coincidence leads off with Jeremiah 29:11.

Robert Goddard, the father of modern rocket propulsion, said, “Just remember – when you think all is lost, the future remains.” And this rocket scientist knew that what lies in our future is hope! By 1926, Goddard had constructed and successfully tested the first rocket, using liquid fuel. A liquid fuel rocket constructed on principles developed by him landed humans safely on the moon in 1969.

What a wonderful way to look at the new year ahead of us – with hope and expectations of the hopeful! What will be in store for us in the year ahead? These words from Scripture can encourage us as we think about a new year:

“You will be firmly established and unafraid. For you will forget your suffering, recalling it only as waters that have flowed by. Your life will be brighter than noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. You will be confident, because there is hope. Your will look carefully about and lie down in safety.” Job 11:15-18 Homan Christian Standard Bible

Ah, hope. What a gift to receive all wrapped up in a bright new year, a fresh start, a new beginning, because the future still remains unexplored, untried, just waiting for us.

The Christmas Card that was NOT

2008-12-30T21:33:00.003-05:00

so we got a flurry of Christmas cards in today's mail, and to each of you, I say, THANK YOU and WELL DONE. For the first time in a long time, I have not done a Christmas card. I had high hopes and high expectations, but the picture never got taken, and the thoughts did not get written, so here we are at the eve of New Year's Eve and, well, sigh, no Christmas Card. Good thing is that I have a low tolerance for personal guilt and I end the year with - I'll try again next year.

What I really wanted to post is the wish list that we all think about but do not admit to:

Let's start with Andrew. Andrew, our sassy little 4 year old man with Down Syndrome. He is magical in his own way and his needs are few. What he really wishes for is to sleep in the "big bed" EVERY night without being sent back to his lousy toddler bed. He would like to dine on waffles and chicken nuggets all the time (no matter the time of day) as well as popsicles, fruit roll ups and cookies. He doesn't want to have to "do" speech therapy (although he loves hanging out with his therapist) and would prefer to eat junk, watch TV (Veggie Tales and Clifford), and sit in his mama's lap. I agree, Andrew, rock on.

Brantley. His true Christmas wish is to live at LEGO land and have every LEGO ever made. He really does not want to eat anything other than Chick-fila and Burger King and would live off Goldfish and milk if that was an option. He does not want to be bothered by others and would like to watch Sponge Bob and hang out at home. He loves school but hate the mornings. He loves his bed and woobies and getting in the big bed around 6 am.

Blake. His true wish is for world peace. Seriously, he loves God and loves his mama. He plays hard and works hard. He is irritated by the tedious daily tasks that life requires and has a question for every answer out there. He would love to exist off of love and root beer and football and any other outdoor sport.

Jeffrey. a.k.a. Jeff. His wish is for his mama to call him Jeff and not Jeffrey. His mama's issue is that daddy is Jeff and he is Jeffrey, but is trying, none-the-less. He, too, would exist off of root beer and sugar. He loves Rock Band, Football and being with his buddies. His Christmas wish would be for all play, no work, no school. He is growing up too fast and too beautifully. Watching him work at the food bank over the holidays was something his mama will always cherish.

Jeff a.k.a. Daddy. His wish is for a debt-free existence, happy children and a naked wife. (did I just post that?) His Christmas wish is for more time on the camper and less time on the clock. He continues to love his boys and his woman and we all adore him for both.

Molly a.k.a. Mama - Her true wish would be to eat whatever she wants and not get fat. To never have to go to an I.E.P. meeting or parent/teacher conference again. To sleep late, read lots of books, play with her kids, decorate her house, and not have to worry about work, budgets, family harmony or life in general.

So, there you have the true nitty-gritty of our Christmas list. There is no picture. There is no tidings of joy. We do wish for world peace, but so does every Miss America's contestant.

Aw, forget it, I'm going to play Rock Band II with my kid.

blog makeover

2008-12-21T11:54:00.002-05:00

so my Christmas gift to myself is a blog make-over. I am TIRED of its current look and am looking to blog more in 2009, so she needs a good make-over. So, any suggestions? Any designers that you love? Shoot me an email. I thought I was tech-savy and would do it myself, but have decided that would be like me fixing the sink or car (a good effort - but disasterous in the end!)

how much info?

2008-12-19T21:51:00.002-05:00

so the topic of discussion tonight was - how much is too much information to post on your blog. Writing has been therapeutic for me - working through having a special needs child, four children, working, etc. My thought/desire is to be transparent with my life - the good, the bad, the ugly. Because, frankly, anything can be a blog post.

What is difficult is deciding - where do you draw the line. How much is too much information. What I love about reading blogs is the feeling of truly getting to know someone else. But, I also don't want to embarass anyone - my friends, my family, my husband! So, where do you draw the line? How much is too much information? Too little information = boring. TMI = embarassing. Where is the balance.

I don't write about my siblings (or Jeff's siblings) because, well, that is their junk - do they really want me sharing it? So, siblings, chime in. Would it be weird if I talked about you?

I have read blogs that you feel like you know their siblings - but then you find out there is another sibling that is never mentioned! (probably because he/she said - hey - don't mention ME!).

and the whole picture thing. I totally post pictures of my kids on my blog. Never really thought too much about it. Should I? Then I read about some weird chick who was posting on a discussion board and had totally stole another blogger's life (kid pictures, circumstances, etc.) OK, so that is creepy and pathetic.

So, I am wading through cyber-world and learning the ropes with all my friends in the computer.
Where do you draw the line?

fa la la

2008-12-18T11:15:00.002-05:00

I am delighted to report that all my teacher gifts have been delivered. I find the teacher gift option to be much more stressful than buying for my family, so, sigh, they are gone and that feels great! Now, I am ready! Bring on the holiday!

Christmas Play

2008-12-12T21:46:00.002-05:00

So, today was the B's Christmas play. It is our last year at their school (it is preschool to kindergarden) and they are big men in the kindergarden class. Earlier this week, Blake tells me that they don't need costumes (love their school) - but then tells me later in the week that he is not "in" the program - and is but a singer that needs to wear "dark pants and a nice shirt." For some other family, this may not seem like a difficult thing, but my boys live in jeans and t-shirts, so I go on a limb and buy black pants and a sweater (Blake picked them so he would actually wear them) from Target (on sale - $9.99 and 5.99 - as I know he will NEVER wear them again.) I email the teacher and she informs me that Blake is, indeed, in the performance and that he is a shepherd - and Brantley is a wise-man. ok, we are good to go.

I over-sleep after a 1:00 am bedtime (WHY do I do this to myself?) and we are rushing out the door. I am to help get costumes on and Jeff is on SAVE THE SEATS duty as this performance is better attended than the superbowl. I rush into the sanctuary looking for my charming husband and home-schooled son, whom I am sure are saving seats down front. NOTHING. I dial his cell and I get the news that he is still circling for a parking space. I would like to say that I displayed patience and loving behavior, but instead I got pissed (sorry) and take my place on the aisle in the LAST ROW of the church.

My mom comes, the J's (Jeff SR and JR) get settled and I try to keep my head from spinning off. I take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and remember that this is about Jesus and Blake and Brantley singing of his birth and learning about the real meaning of Christmas. I apologize to the J's for being a grump and settle in.

Brantley was splendid in his purple crown and robe - and thrilled to have a prop. Blake, thrilled NOT to have a prop was delightful in his shepherd garb. The narrator (not one of my children) took a deep sigh and announced that the wisemen brought gifts of gold, frankensince, and MURRAY which got a good chuckle from the audience. Four songs later, pictures taken, and whew, we are done. The kindergarden sits down and the 3-year olds start to go up to sing.

Realizing that we are, indeed, on the BACK row and seeing other kindergarden parents in the lobby, we discover that we don't have to stay to listen to the 3-year olds and 4-year olds sing - so in Christmas love, we slip out and surrender our standing room only seats to some other parents.

I would post pictures, but out camera battery is dead and the charger is missing (don't even get me started) so we borrowed my FIL's camera and I don't have a cable to upload/download (not sure really which) the pictures of my very handsome nativity figures. I had worked so hard to get their hair cut (both of them) so they would look handsome and well-groomed - and they both wore HATS (or crowns). I am sure there is a lesson there about pride, but I don't even want to think about it.

new normal II

2008-12-08T22:59:00.003-05:00

So I take dinner to Harris' family tonight. I was glad to get to see them at home and happy to spend some time with them. We actually got to talk a bit about their new normal and I gave her my ass-vice (advice - but sometimes feels like you are being an ass LOL). What I told her was:

You don't owe anyone anything. Sometimes in a difficult situation, you feel like you need to be strong for those around you. She is a great mom and wife. If she wants to curl up in bed and cry for a bit, well, then do that. I told her that sometimes for me it is difficult to go to a b-day party of a child that is Andrew's age. I don't want to see how advanced little precious is. That may sound shallow and bitter (it isn't), but it is the reality, so if I don't feel like going, I skip it. I wanted her to know that she had that permission too! I would have to think that there are going to be times when she will be around Harris' peers - and there are days she will want to - and days that she won't.

Grief is a strange thing. Just when you think you are past it, the raw rises up and grips you. And just when you think you are weak, God shows himself and you make it through. They have walked the road of a horrible fear - burying a child. It is un-natural and not the way you plan things to be. But after a trauma, you wake up and think - ok, I am still here, so, now what, Lord? And, delightfully, He shows us and brings us through. Our desire for Harris' healing was healing HERE and NOW - not in Heaven where we will see him later. In the midst of it, you think - is this - can this - really be happening?

New normals are strange. They are a foreign land - one we may not have ever wanted to travel. But once there, we are forced to look for the beauty - to welcome those around us - draw strength from those who have gone before us - and trust in the One who allowed us to be here in the first place.

I am reminded of the Deut. passage - "He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing."

Perhaps it is too much of a stretch - but when you are finding your way in a new normal - you feel like an alien - and knowing that God himself is on your side is comforting to me.

new normal

2008-12-06T23:02:00.002-05:00

After we had Andrew, a very wise doctor told me (between my tears) that one day I would have a "new normal" - that I would go on vacation, go to the grocery store, and live my life again. He told me that I would have to find my "new normal" - one that included the world of a life with a child that had Down Syndrome - not to mention a family of six - one with twins - and 19 months later our Andrew.

As Andrew's 4th birthday gets closer (Tuesday!), I would like to think that we have found our new normal. Normal for us includes therapists, doctor visits, and IEP's.

I think back to the early days. Those first weeks after finding out the diagnosis take your breath away. You wonder if you can get out of bed - much less function on a real level. I wanted to be mature and a "big girl" about the whole thing - but wondered if I really could. Would God really work this whole thing out for me? Why me? and then - even more scary - why NOT me? but, slowly, the new normal came to be.

The new normal included words and people I did not want to know - services I did not know even existed. The learning curve was fast and steep and ever-changing.

What has rocked my world this week has been the death of Harris. Harris was a sweet 12 year old boy at Jeffrey's school. He got diagnosed 14 months ago with a rare cancer. I watched his family find their new normal - in hospitals and treatments. Their typical family of four became a family of four with a child with cancer. All of a sudden, you (they) are under the spotlight - and not sure how you got there. Then, suddenly - but also a long time in coming, he was gone.

We (Jeff and I) went last night to the visitation. We went to lend support. We do not know his parents well, but wanted to hug them and let them know we were there for them. What we saw, however, was them being there for those who had come. I watched people draw strength from their faith. I watched Harris' mom explain to a little girl that had come that Harris had gone to Heaven - and that only his earthly body remained. That she did not need to be scared and that she did not have to go and see him if she did not want to. She was the picture of class and the picture of God's Grace. His Dad was very much the same. He looked thin and tired but confident that his precious one was no longer suffering and no longer in pain.

What I was not prepared for was seeing his young body in that casket. No parent should have to bury their child. We will all die. But it seemed wrong that their new normal would have to be without Harris - a delightful little boy. It seemed wrong that his little body - thin from cancer was lying in that casket. I wanted to be strong for the mom and dad. But after leaving, all I could do was sit in our car and cry. Tears for the new normal that they would have to find.

We all have to learn to adjust to a new normal. Some events that cause the new normal are

happy - marriage, birth, job promotion, etc. Some are devastating - death, job termination, illness, etc.

The difference is those who trust God with their new normal and those that do not. To make sense of it all, it has to be pushed through a faith-filter, or what comes out on the other side is bitterness, denial, resentment. Difficult times through the Lord result in faith, perseverance, love.

I read a great quote this week that said something like - if my heart has never been broken, I am never able to truly love and have compassion for those around me. I find this to be true. If my children were perfect - if I was perfect - I would likely stand in judgement of those in hard times around me. However, through the difficulties of life, I am able to lend a hand to those around me - if is a helping hand - or just a shoulder to cry on - by God's grace it is there for you.

So, we pray for Harris' family in the days ahead. They have to find their new normal as a family without him (on this earth) and that is going to have hard days. But I am confident that they will continue to pray as they have from the start - Romans 12:12 - be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. May we all be these. We will miss you, Harris.

the countdown is on

2008-11-30T22:42:00.002-05:00

The tree is up and the pumpkins are out. Thankfully (ha ha, no pun intended), we got the house ready for Christmas even if I have not bought the first gift yet. The boys were too cute putting up the tree. Blake loves it. Brantley tolerates it. Jeffrey tried to control it. Andrew was into it. He kept saying, MAMA MAMA MAMA UP TOP UP TOP UP TOP. He wanted every ornament up high (translation - he wanted to climb the ladder). They all loved seeing ornaments that they had made, were bought for them, or generally represented them or something they had done. No one got hurt. The tree did not get knocked over and we did not have to put a dog-gate-fence thing around it (like we did when the twins and Andrew were smaller) so we are labeling the event a success.

I can't believe that we are 25 sleeps away from Baby Jesus' Birthday!

Thankful

2008-11-27T21:43:00.003-05:00

It is Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. No gifts - just family, food and fun. I am so grateful (which, by the way, is the only solution for discontent!) for all the blessings in my life. My boys, my husband, my life. Thank you, Lord.

a love affair

2008-11-23T20:55:00.002-05:00

so they say that little boys are in love with their mommies. Blake must have gotten the memo. He is shameless in his love for me - and Jeff claims that Blake is showing him up in the romance department (I'm afraid I have to agree).
Take today - as we get in the car to go to church (me - fresh from the shower and a spritz of perfume) - Blake declares - "you smell GREAT mom" (said with a very sweet grin).
And during church a note gets passed from Blake to Jeff to Tommy (my nephew) to me.
"mom - I LOVE you. LOVE, Blake"
I love you too, Mr. Blake. Your wife is going to be one lucky woman.

more Disney Pictures

2008-11-20T01:46:00.002-05:00

Disney Fun

2008-11-20T01:40:00.003-05:00

So October was a blur and November is crusing along as well - lots of blogs swirling in the brain but little time to get them out! Maybe 2009 will be better for blogging?

So, these are for my sis (and anyone else interested in our recent trip to Disney!)

stop the clock...

2008-09-24T18:18:00.002-04:00

I wish that my kids' childhoods would be more like the last two minutes of a football game - long and stretched out - not the "hurry up" offense that they seem to be. Yes, football season is upon us and my children are growing up before my eyes. I swear they are growing inches in their sleep!

Blake & Brantley have been bringing home "readers" from kindergarten. We snuggle up in their beds and they read us their stories at night. They are increasingly self-sufficient - strapping themselves in the car on their own - taking their own showers, etc. I'll be obsolete before I know it!

Andrew is riding the bus home from school and is rapidly moving in on his 4th birthday. I guess I am going to have to break down and do some hard-core potty-training. As I was giving him his bath tonight, I thought, you need to have two goals when you turn four - potty training and learn to swim. I don't think I care much about the rest!

The tough-love approach of homeschool from my previous post worked like a champ - last week and this week have cranked along nicely. I'm seeing some nice progress in math and grammar skills as well! Yahoo - maybe he is learning after all. The weather turned nice yesterday and we went for a run - our first official P.E. activity (besides playing football). Soccer season is around the corner and so are the holidays (AHHH!).

Heart & Home hits the road next week - we are doing a Jr. League show in Ocala for the weekend. The boys are bringing the camper and hanging out with me so that should be fun!

Jeff is off on a play date with Jeffrey today/tonight - so I'm heading off for bath and bed duty! toodles!

the golden ring was made of brass...

2008-09-13T23:20:00.002-04:00

So after days of homeschool bliss, the wheels fall off the bus and our whole operation comes to a tearful conclusion. In my typical OCD fashion, I write lesson plans for Jeffrey for the week. I give him a print-out that clearly defines our goals and his assignments for the week. For weeks 1-3, we had it arranged by day. Jeffrey asks me to arrange it by subject. Fine, a little right click here - a little cut and paste there - and we have the same info in a different format. "I'm not going to nag you," I tell Jeffrey - you know your assignments, etc. He LOVES this plan - and the week was working great. As we approach Wednesday to Thursday and I am reviewing the teaching portion of his day, I ask him about his assignments. He assures me that he fully understands and that he has plenty of time. yeah, right.

So, at the crack of noon on Friday, I tell him that he needs to quit wandering and settle down and finish his stuff. I take off for kindergarten ice-cream party at 1:30 - and I am sure that all work ceased at this point. Fast forward to 4:30 (all work is due by 5:00) and the tears start to flow (his - not mine). The drama builds and the tears increase. Suddenly, I am too tough - the work is too much - and school NEVER required him to do this much stuff, blah, blah (you get the idea). sigh. So much for the fairy-tale. We tell him that he has to finish his stuff.

Next thing I know, he is out front playing in the rain with our neighbor. WHAT?!?! It is at this point that I am royally ticked and am feeling quite hurt myself. Jeff, seeing the drama level getting ready to reach epic proportions calls us into his office for a meeting. He makes Jeffrey apologize - reminds him that his work is HIS responsibility - and that I'm not the bad guy. All screens are frozen (i.e. - no TV, computer, video games) and all social activities suspended until the work is done, complete, finished. We will allow him to play his football game on Saturday am, because he can't let his team down, but nothing else till the work is done.

Jeffrey takes it like a man, apologizes, promises better performance next week and vows to complete his work today. whew. 10:00 am and he hits the books. Maybe this isn't as easy as he assumed, but he did not finish till almost 5:00. He had to turn down swimming and a play date with his buddy and playing on the waterslide at the neighbor's house (while Blake and Brantley got to go). It was hard to be nine years old at our house today. I had to remind myself of the larger picture and bigger moral lesson lest we cave. We figure the tougher we are now, the less strict we will be able to be later. (hopefully)

I'd take bets that he finishes his work next week. We'll see.

a tale of two brothers

2008-09-08T21:09:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, there was a fair maiden that lived in a houseful of boys. It was not Snow White, though, at times, her boys can be quite Grumpy and Sneezey. Very seldom are they sleepy, but I digress.

Hit the rewind button to the end of school and summer. Jeffrey, the fair prince and heir to the throne would come home from school quite exhausted. For amusement, he would lock his brother Blake out of his room and dis-allow access to any of his toys. The handsome prince Blake would become quite sad and distressed because all he really wants is to BE the fair prince Jeffrey.

Fast forward to the first month of homeschooling. It is like magic fairy dust has settled over the house. The combination of the three little princes being gone all day plus prince Jeffrey being home all day is turning into a winner. Jeffrey actually looks forward to his brothers coming home (I doubt he would admit it), but even rode with me today to pick them up and giggled and laughed with them all the way home.

This is awesome, thought the fair maiden, but alas I am sure the swords will return once we get home. Safely inside the castle, Sir Brantley wanders off to be left alone - exhausted by the social demands of school. Sir Andrew, also quite content to NOT be intellectually stimulated is also winding down for the day.

But, Prince Blake and Prince Jeffrey still are full of energy. Prince J helps Prince B make a football field out of the family room (complete with separate locker room). They then proceed to play together for THREE HOURS. They run plays, video tape themselves into a football movie, clean up their mess, have a snack, take a bike ride, and somewhere around 6:00 go their separate ways.

"Shh, don't tell anyone," I tell the King, "but the princes are actually being NICE to one another." I found Jeffrey piled in bed with Blake - heads stuck under the covers - watching their home-made football movie on the 3" video camera screen. "Can Blake stay up just a few more minutes?" Jeffrey asks.

When I decided to homeschool Jeffrey, it was a decision covered in prayer and a layer of fear of the unknown. We felt confident that it was what God wanted our family to do this year, but Doubt told me that I was kidding myself and the whole thing would prove to be a disaster. The boys did not fight all the time, but Jeffrey really was worn out by the time the school day was over. He had very little left to offer anyone else. What a joy it has been to see him start to engage with his brothers - playing football with Blake, legos and game-cube with Brantley. (He's always been nice to Andrew).

Maybe there is a "happily ever after" for this school year after all.

Camping - Labor Day Weekend - Crystal River

2008-09-07T21:09:00.003-04:00

yes, I do know

2008-09-07T21:02:00.002-04:00

Yes, I do know that Sarah Palin's son has Down Syndrome. I have taken no less than 5 phone calls and 10 emails to let me know that someone else has a baby with Down Syndrome - a now-famous somebody - and actually about one out of 800 folk have a chromosonally enhanced bugger running around their house. But yes, it does thrill me the idea that the White House could have a little guy like Andrew running around it. That alone would make the world a kinder, gentler place. It is impossible to be in a bad mood for long around him. And, for the record, I do appreciate the info - I can, at times, have my head under a rock when it comes to news and events, so don't ever hesitate to tell me something I need to know. My sister (in Indiana) calls to give me(in Florida) hurricane updates (a) because she is a weather geek (her term, not mine) and (b) she knows I am working and chasing kids and I don't watch the weather very often. So, if she thinks we are going to get blown away, she gives me a call.

Anything else I need to know?

The "soft" opening

2008-08-24T21:04:00.003-04:00

before the homeschooling first week saga, here is the latest addition to the Voth family (not a puppy or baby!)

So, have you ever heard of new restaurants or hotels opening - they call it a "soft" start or a "soft opening" and that is what we decided our first week of homeschooling was.

Enter cancelled school for Andrew with hurricane Faye (it did not rain), add Blake and Brantley still at home (school not started yet), add my work, and then subtract out all the help I had over the summer, and what, class, does that equal??? One hell-of-a rough week.

We only had tears once - Jeffrey's - not mine - I did not have time to cry, but we did start, and as anyone who has ever tried anything new, sometimes starting is half the battle.

So, start we did. We learned a lot, worked through some bumps, actually accomplished some stuff, re-arranged some other stuff and we are ready for a new week.

We are deeming this week a soft week as well since Blake and Brantley don't start till after Labor Day. So, the week has a full schedule of lesson plans, but hair-cuts and kindergarden open house is thrown in there as well.

I will say, that in the moments that we were actually curled up in a chair together and learning new stuff, it was fantastic and I am so glad I am doing it. In the moments that Jeffrey was actually playing with his brothers while I was working, I loved it. On day two, when the house was trashed and I was overwhelmed, hmmm, not so much.

More tales from the trenches this week I am sure!

Seriously?

2008-08-19T23:23:00.002-04:00

So school is cancelled because of hurricane Fay. It did not even rain! All of us cooped up together waiting for the storm - trying to work and homeschool - wow - what a day! And not in a good kind of way. (think of the chick on Grey's Anatomy saying SERIOUSLY??)

The good news is the day is over. The great news is that school for Andrew is back in session tomorrow. The even greater news is that Blake and Brantley go back after labor day (which is LONG over-due - even they asked today when school would start).

It was a rough start in the homeschool world. Jeffrey broke into tears over vocab work. He declared that I was too tough and the work too hard. WHAT?!? It is only day two. It can't be that bad! We worked through it and he got it done. We backed off a little and took a rock-band break. Well, he and Blake took a rock-band break. I took a work-break (not nearly as fun).

The day dissolved into crisis-management mode. Andrew pooped FOUR times - once in the bathtub - ewww, gross, he declared. Actually, I hear him, "MAAAMAAA I POOOOOP" - (notice the nice three word sentence). Not nice poop in the tub. Poop in the tub. Had to deal with poop in the tub and poop at work. Did I mention poop? Lots and lots of poop. Poop all around. Ewww, gross. If it is a bug and everyone starts pooping everywhere, I might just pack up and leave. hmm, that is probably not an option.

On a happier note, Jeffrey and I pile into my bed tonight to cram out some more school work so the day does not feel like a total disaster. We were working on a new math concept and figured out a really fast way of doing 3 number subtraction problems. It was awesome to see it "click" in his mind and him just run with the concept. He even declared it "fun." So, we came a long way from our 8 am tears. Seriously.

First Day on the Job...

2008-08-17T22:39:00.002-04:00

I don't know where I first heard it - or if it is something crazy that only my crazy family says, but, have you ever heard the phrase "nervous as a whore in Church?" The very phrase evokes the image of a back-row, nervous nelly, sweating, knowing that she is where she is supposed to be - but at the same time NOT happy about being there?? Well, this home-school gig I have taken on - I am officially as nervous as a whore in church!

The books are bought. The first week's lesson plans are done. Jeffrey and I even made a last minute run to Office Depot today for additional supplies. My clothes are laid out. The house is clean. I am caught up at the office. But, I have to say, when I pulled it all out tonight to lay it out for our official "first day", I thought I might have an anxiety attack.

Jeff is off at the Buc's game, and he will be glad he was gone for my obsessive attention to detail.

What seemed so laid out on paper, suddenly felt very very very overwhelming. Our devotion and prayer time in the morning is dedicated to verses on prayer and planning - that the Lord determines our steps - but we also must be diligent. I decided our memory verse would be, "Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good- haste makes mistakes." I am afraid that I have too much work for him to do - then am equally afraid that I don't have enough work for him to do. What if we HATE it?? Or (even worse) what if we LOVE it??? I have always thought of this as a one year-gig. My brother tells me that I can re-enroll at regular school anytime during the school year.
So, say a prayer for me on Monday as I put on my teacher cap! We are organized and all systems GO! (we might take Tuesday off for a Hurricane Party!) I don't think I will share with Jeffrey the whore in church example for our first day nerves!!!

On another note, Mr. Andrew heads back to school tomorrow with his new uniform! We went to meet his teacher on Friday. She is young and full of energy and is exactly what he needs. She is unmarried and teaches fitness classes at the YMCA AFTER teaching special needs kids all day. How is THAT to make you feel old and tired??

Two more weeks before the B's head back to school to start kindergarden. (sigh). How did all my babies get so big??

Pictures! Finally

2008-07-20T11:02:00.003-04:00

Brantley the Lizard Hunter!
Mama & Blake!
Mother's Day 2008
Daddy & Brantley
Andrew the Ham!

Spring break in St. Augustine with Aunt Jenni & Uncle Jim (this is the park where Jim proposed to Jenni)

liar, liar, pants on fire!

2008-07-07T23:00:00.003-04:00

Brantley lies. I know what you are thinking - he is young, innocent, surely he cannot be telling lies - umm, yeah, he lies. We have talked with him and prayed with him about telling the truth, but yesterday, we pulled out the big guns.

We had made a trip to the Lego store to the delight of everyone in the house. We spent a rainy Sunday afternoon in corners of our home building and building and building. Andrew got a police car. Blake had me build his (he assembled the tires). Jeffrey was hard at work on a project that a civil engineer would have trouble completing, and Brantley was finished with his dump truck and fire truck and trailer. Lego bliss was everywhere.

I hear Jeff give Brantley his allergy pill and vitamin and then I hear him tell Brantley to get in the bath. I am sitting in the bed being the parts assistant to Jeffrey when I see Brantley run down the rall, head into my bathroom - I then hear a small "clink" - and then I hear Brantley run to the other side of the house and happily announce to Jeff, "I took my vitamin!"

This chain of events seemed very suspicious to me so I headed to investigate. "Brantley, where did you put your vitamin?" I ask him (not angry - not happy - in a very neutral - give me some info tone).

You would think he would feel remorse, repentant, guilt over being caught - something - but all he does is grin at me and Jeff. Jeff, sensing that the truth is not in the blonde child with the cute grin - asks him again. No response. Just grins.

"Did you throw your vitamin away?" I ask him. He looks at me like I have grown a third horn on my head and that I must have mystical powers of seeing through walls.

He confesses to chucking the vitamin and Jeff brings down the hatchet. His beloved lego creations that he has labored over all day - are taken away. sigh. drama.

Blake, sensing that someone is in big trouble - walks in the room and proudly announces, "I ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH. I DON'T LIE." We tell Blake that this does not involve him and to get out.

Brantley takes his punishment like a man and hands over the goods. Jeff takes them to his office for 24 hours of solitary.

Brantley gives word that he will not lie again.

At 1 am I hear the pitter patter of little feet. It is Brantley - wanting the comfort of the big bed - his own personal way of showing he is sorry.

They are all complicated little people. Tonight after bath, the legos were returned and all was well in his world again. As we tucked them in bed, we asked if they had had a good day. "Nobody lied!" Blake announced. A good day, indeed!

In other news, we pulled the toddler bed out of the attic the weekend to let Andrew give it a whirl. He completely fills his crib, but we wanted to see if he would actually stay in bed before jumping off to the true big-boy twin bed. Little bugger stayed in bed for his nap! Then again all night for bed! He thought he was way cool - and his big brothers made over him and his accomplishment of moving up in the world. He stays in his room when he wakes up in the mornings until someone goes in and tells him he can come out! If this continues, it will be nothing short of a bed-time miracle because the transition all our others has caused drama galore! However, taking the last crib out of my house when I was used to three, then one, now none??? Sigh. Drama of a different nature.

mid-summer update

2008-07-03T22:50:00.002-04:00

so June is gone and is a distant memory in the rear-view mirror. I spent an afternoon working on lesson plans for Jeffrey for next year and I was suddenly gripped by the fact that summer will be over soon!

My 36th birthday came and went as your 36th birthday should. It was a nice b-day - nothing spectacular but not overly crappy either! (only my sister will truly appreciate that!). We went to dinner and Jeff took me shopping. He even endured helping me find a bathing suit so he is strong in the brownie points around here! The boys were very under-impressed that I did NOT want to go to Chuck E Cheese or the YMCA or laster tag, but did enjoy actually going to eat ice cream at the parlor.

We quickly recovered from the mommy-blues over send Andrew to school. He seems to like it OK, but still asks for his beloved Sunny, Merat and COACH! We let him play hookie one day this week as his nose was runny enough to justify sleeping in. Blake and Brantley have loved skipping baths and hanging out at home. I am afraid they might turn into hermits!

Pictures are long over-due, I know.

Happy early 4th of July!

You would think I would be over it by now...

2008-06-23T23:59:00.002-04:00

I have sent four children off to school. I love school and school has been wonderful for my children. They (his teachers and such) suggested that Andrew do "summer school" so that he keeps up his consistent little routine and gets his therapies and all. Great. Sounds like a plan. Wonderful.

I cried. For two weeks, I have had all my ducklings in the house - our very loud, rowdy house, I might add. Andrew had to go to a different school with a different teacher. His beloved Sunny was not there, and while a very kind woman who looked lovingly at 10 wide-eyed special needs ducks told me that her boys were grown and that this job is her "heart" (Lord, bless these teachers), it was still quite difficult to remove the chubby arms from around my neck and walk out the door. Andrew very bravely kissed me smack on the mouth, told me "no bye-bye Mommy" (translation - will you take my cute butt home with you, please??) and sat down to have some cereal. I said all the polite correct things to new teacher and took deep breaths to make it to the car lest I be the crying mommy in the hall (forbid that!).

And, while I am the first to say that babies are babies and belong at home (he is only three after all), if I did not see that he (a) really did love it and (b) does so much better with a structured routine, I would live on the beach and eat bon-bons and live off love and never let my kids leave. Jeff was third in line to pick him up (I had to send Jeff as I had the B's at their five year old physicals - a story in itself) and I was chawing at the bit to get home and get those chubby arms back around my neck. He was quite pleased to see me and his brothers. I know already what words they worked on today, as he grabbed my hand and said, "help, please, Mommy" (normally it is just HELP). So I guess I'll send him back tomorrow. Sigh. You would think I would be used to it by now.

Same time a few years ago...

2008-06-09T21:20:00.002-04:00

You really get perspective when you have blogged for a long time. I never kept a diary or journal, so I gues this is as close as I am going to get. I have been a lousy blogger the past two years (sorry about that) but I just read my June blog from 2005. It started with..."so Andrew has been off oxygen for 10 days now..." and I almost started to bawl. 10 days off oxygen??? How in the heck did we ever really survive all that??? I know it is by God's grace, and I have to shout that I am so glad that we are not in that situation this June!! Really, really, really grateful. Blake and Brantley took off for vaction Bible school this week, and sweet Blake wanted me to sing him "Jesus songs" that he did not know to go to bed tonight. Brantley wanted to know why Jesus made the thunder so loud. Andrew (who has not been on oxygen in a really long time) stayed home and soaked up lots of Dora on TV and having mommy and daddy to himself. Jeffrey has wandered off with his cousins to the beach and the busy hum of summer has begun.

The rumor is true. Hell has frozen over.

2008-06-09T20:58:00.001-04:00

If I have not warned you before, let me warn you again. NEVER – and I do mean NEVER – say that you will NEVER do something or say something. It is a cosmic joke and God gets a good chuckle when you end up doing or saying the one thing you would NEVER do.

Let me give a few examples…

In my early 20’s – conversation with my sister over and infertile friend of hers – “why would she do all that infertility treatment. I would NEVER do all that!” Can I show the bills from my infertility doctor? I’ve done 4 IVF cycles! AHHHH.

In my 30’s – conversation with a girlfriend over having a special needs child – “I would NEVER want that to be my life – I really hope God would not ask that of me.” One year later my Down Syndrome baby was born.

In my 30’s- multiple conversations – I would NEVER homeschool my child. Sigh, you guessed it, I just spent the weekend at the homeschool convention and am homeschooling my oldest son, Jeffrey next year. I saw a friend (who has homeschooled forever) at the conference. She looked shocked and very amused to see me. Yes, I told her, it is cold in here and hell has frozen over. I really am homeschooling!

Ha – so laugh out loud at me and snort your diet coke through your nose at the idea. The shock and awe has worn off and I am actually excited about having a year with my eldest boy. But let me be a warning to you – NEVER say NEVER. It will haunt you!

Hmm, what if I say I’ll NEVER be RICH and out of all debt? Would I win the lottery?

The best block builder on the block...

2008-06-06T00:13:00.000-04:00

Blake’s sweet teacher gives the kids an award. Blake came home with the “Best block creations ever built in the history of preschool award.” How cute is that? She told me at a luncheon that it really is true. She has been teaching for years and has never seen a child use ALL the blocks. She said he builds cities and creations for the other children to play with their toys on his creations! What is funny, is that at home, Brantley builds lego stuff all the time, but Blake – not so much. I wonder if he doesn’t like to build with his brother looking over his shoulder, but in his own classroom environment, he likes to do it.

So, like the sucker I am, when I was at the store, I bought a set of the good old fashioned brown wood blocks – no color – no nonsense – just 50 assorted shapes and sizes. I brought them home and gave them to Blake – wanting to see what all the fuss was about. AND, Seriously, the kid can build. He snuck off to a tile corner of the floor, and the next thing I knew, we had a “castle”, which actually looked like a castle. He even enlisted Brantley and they tore down the castle and constructed a dog house. In our fast-paced world of video games and tv, it was delightful to see creativity come forth out of simple blocks.

Blake also loves to water paint. What I find so amusing about it all, is that Blake is more “all boy” than all the other boys combined. He loves sports and wrestling, monster trucks and anything outdoors. But then he is my most romantic of all the boys. He likes to see what I am going to wear and is the first to notice a haircut or what perfume I am wearing. He loves me “all the way to heaven and back” and kisses me soundly on the lips – often and without warning. He is a deep thinker – and as the thought hits his mind, it is going to spew forth from his lips. A multi-layered little doodle is Blake.

The twin thing is interesting – because they are each so uniquely themselves, but Blake & Brantley also fit together in a way that is different than their fit to their other brothers. But, back to Blake. To know Blake, to really know Blake, is to love Blake, because once he feels loved by you, he is a loyal and true friend. He has grown so over the past year and he reminds me of a young colt who is all legs – handsome and beautiful and not quite sure what to do about it all. I love you too, Blake, all the way to heaven and back.

A happy fish and lego builder...

2008-05-31T22:12:00.002-04:00

I recently took a trip to see my sis in Indiana. It was cold! At the end of May - and COLD. I am so sorry, Susan! What a beautiful state, but geesh already with the weather.

I had some time in the airport and wrote posts about each of my sweeties. Brantley never seems to get much press in the blog headlines, so we'll start with him!

A happy fish and lego builder.

The blonde one. That is Brantley’s nickname since he is our only blonde child. Jeff and I will ask, “where is the blonde one?” “How is the blonde one?” you get the idea.

Brantley sailed through Pre-K-4 with his beloved Mrs. Miller. He can successfully write his name, recognizes his letters and numbers and all the wonderful things that you get to do in preschool. If you spend much time with Brantley, you discover that he is very easy to get along with and not much bothers him. He eats next to nothing which drives us crazy, but likes yougart and milk and bananas, so we feel like he is at least getting some nutrition!

He can build legos by the hour and loves to sit at the computer on the lego.com site and watch videos of computer animated legos. In the last few months, he has turned into a fish and can almost swim from the shallow end to the deep end of the pool. What is so precious, though, is that if you see his face underwater, he is grinning as he swims – full teeth grin underwater – the cutest thing EVER.

He is a little man of few words and only speaks when necessary (or if you are alone in the car with him – he does not like to be interrupted by his brother). He does not want to be sung to at night, but went through a phase of singing to me - which was delightful. Typically, I kiss him goodnight – he will declare to me “no song tonight, mom, love you” and will then roll over and go instantly to sleep.

Jeff tells me that he is just like me – not sure what that means, really. We are both an odd combination of very needy and not needy at all. We can be left alone for long periods of time and are quite content to be by ourselves. BUT, if we do need something, we are very vocal about it and can emote a good deal of drama. Nothing is sadder than a sad Brantley - possibly because he is so rarely sad - that when he does cry, it breaks your heart.

When he was born, the nurses brought him to us – he was wide awake with a “I know something you DON’T know look to him.” (not much has changed!) He is devoted to his twin and is terribly nice to Andrew as long as no one is looking! He adores Jeffrey and loves to build legos with him. I love you, Sir Brantley - my happy fish and lego builder!

A kinder pace of life...

2008-04-13T23:03:00.000-04:00

Andrew moves through life at his own pace with his own agenda. I suppose we all do, but he seems so determined about it, that it has become admirable. He is a happy, compliant child, but willfull at the same time. What I love about him is that he is fully involved in whatever he is doing. Sometimes I will be talking to Jeff, my family or friends, anyone really, and you can totally tell that they are not focused on you - their mind is elsewhere - reading email - folding clothes - planning the next thing. Andrew enjoys the moment that he is in and I am getting better at that too.

We spent the morning on Jacksonville beach. I love the beach - especially this time of year. The breeze was cool, the sun and sand warm, and the east coast waters were rushing to the shore calling surfers to come out and play. We walked like a line of ducks down the board-walk to the sand. Jeffrey out in front - frisbee in hand - focused on capturing Daddy's attention first. Next down the line was the twins - Blake - anxious by the sight of the waves and wind - but not wanting to show fear to Mr. fearless Brantley who wanted to chase the waves. I think the two of them ran a mile running towards the surf as the waves pulled away from the shore then shrieking in delight as they came crashing back - chasing them down. I am reminded of the verse that talks about nature declaring the majesty of the Lord. There is nothing like standing by the ocean - standing in awe of the power of the water, its strength, and beauty. I loved watching it on my children's faces ~ knowing that they were seeing it too.

We settle and sunscreen quickly. The frisbee is thrown and the B's and the waves are playing tag. Andrew stands and soaks it all in. As we were walking down the board-walk, we are met by a tatooed group of surfers. These four guys with their tans and sun-streaked hair are heading back to the parking lot to get their boards. Andrew greets them with a smile and a wave, "HI!" He is so friendly and so dang cute, that even the tough tatoo boys can't help but smile. One of them stops, "what's up, little dude?" said in surfer lingo. (think hot Australian guy) "can you hit me high five?" Andrew slaps him five and keeps on moving.

As I pour a fresh diet coke, Andrew flirts with the cute girl in her black bikini who is sitting with her mom. She is about 19 and stops reading her book to watch him. He is analyzing the feel of the sand on his feet, grabs his brother's flip flops and takes off on a walk. I let him go, shadowing a few yards behind him, letting him enjoy the freedom of being outside - sand dunes high on one side and waves crashing on the other - and an ever so odd collection of beach-goers between the two.

One concerned mom sees him walking and looks in a panic for where the kid's mom is - relieved to see that I am close behind. We share a smile of "whew, at least he is not lost look" as only moms can do and we make our way down the beach. Andrew tires after a while and looks to me to haul his 36 pound self back to our blankets. I prop on my towel to watch Blake and Brantley battle the waves that are relentlessly chasing them, and Andrew props next to me. He pats my face with a sigh, and says, "mama" - his new addition of vocabulary (I have been ba-ba for the past three years).

We don't last too long on the beach - maybe two hours - before starvation seems to attack us all. Blake collects his beautiful shells in a cup, Brantley takes on one more wave, Jeffrey one more frisbee throw. Andrew tells the ocean, "bye-bye water" and also feels the need to tell the cute chick in the bikini "bye-bye" as well.

Our rosy cheeked crew piles into the van in fresh t-shirts and starts belly-laughing at old Tom & Jerry episdoes on the DVD. Jeff glances in the rear-view mirror. "look how beautiful he is" he says. "which one?" I laugh. "all of them." It was a good spring break day.

Tales from the road trip...

2008-04-12T22:55:00.001-04:00

We spent three days at the beach with my sis and her boys. Jeff stayed home and kept Andrew because the idea of lots of boats, docks, pools and open water was not good for my little man who sinks and does not swim. My biggest boy and I got to ride boats together and we all swam and generally were lazy. It was a nice few days of nothing-ness. Jeff enjoyed the ease of one child and I enjoyed the ease of three that are potty-trained and know how to swim. A win-win start to vacation week.

We packed Jeff up with us and took off for Jacksonville on Thursday. The kids were great in the car and we watched Alvin & the Chipmunks, Barnyard, and Tom & Jerry to pass the time. Thanks to a wireless aircard, I was able to almost finish posting product on the Heart & Home website due to launch next week (whew, finally).

It has been great to just do more "nothing-ness." It happens so seldom, and I forget how much I enjoy having no agenda, no time-table and nothing to do except soak up the joy of my kiddos and family. ahhh, Spring Break! I promise pictures as soon as I find the cable for my camera!

maybe crazy??

2008-03-26T21:43:00.003-04:00

So spring break is coming soon - just two weeks away - and all of a sudden I noticed that all my children have the SAME SPRING BREAK. This may not seem a big deal to some, but they go to three different schools (don't even get me started) so all of us being off at the same time rocks!

I do love sending the little darlings off to their schools, so I really don't want one to have to play hookie so we can all be off school together (ha!) I would love to tell you it is for educational reasons, but my reasons are selfish, I assure you.

So, I email my brother (whom I work for) and tell him I want to take the week off. We work "virtually" - ie we don't set foot in the office and do everything via computer, VOIP phone, and the cell. This is awsome in so many ways, but we do tend to be work-a-holics. In the "office days", when you left, you were done. Now, we tend to work at night when the kiddos go to bed, the weekends, whenever. This doesn't bother me a bit, actually quite enjoy it, because it affords me the opportunity to be mom - pick up my own kids, grab them when they are sick, be field trip mom, etc. Vacation means that I will put the blessed phone on DND (do not disturb), change my voicemail to "I'll be on vacation from __ to ___" and my email will send that awesome note of "check me next week." He obliged my request with a small beg of - "will you check in some, pleeeeasssee??" hmm, maybe - just not the phone part.

That is not the crazy part. The crazy part is that I am road-tripping with my four boys. Jeff needs to stay and work that week, so I am packing them up and heading out. We are working on a beach option for the first weekend and few days - will head home for a laundry day - then head to see Aunt Jenni and Uncle Jim. They are brave to take us in. I have promised that we are low-maintenance (ummm, as low maintenance as four kids can be) and will bring all our own DVD's and video games since they don't have cable. Did I mention that they don't have kids? I want to go on record that I offered to stay in a hotel.

Jenni sweetly offered to talk to her sis-in-law that homeschools for local activities since "she knows about that kind of stuff" There was talk of cannons that get fired off - Blake would love that - and the Jacksonville zoo - we all would like that.

So, pack up the anti-anxiety meds, get ready McDonald's drive thru, and fill up the mini-van. We're going on a road trip.

Parenting Phase II

2008-03-24T22:20:00.003-04:00

I just found out that a dear friend is pregnant with baby number one. Oh, the joy, the bliss, the vomitting, the blessed ignorance of baby number one. Your only concern is the perfect name, the perfect nursery, and the perfect pink or blue outfit to wear to your baby shower. Adding more to the mix and your concern grows to what will #1 think of #2? Will I have time for #1 because of #2? or #3 or #4???

The early years are just so darn physically exhausting. I look back at pictures and think, wow, I look so young as my eyes seem to now be turning into a road map of my age. However, age and wrinkles aside, your biggest concern is - is it feeding time, wake time or nap time? Is the little bugger going to sleep all night? Is he eating enough? Pooping enough? Pooping too much? Should he be sitting up by now? babbling? rolling over, holding his own bottle, using the p-b sound blends???? Oh, crap, just throw out the "what to expect the first year book" - it brings far too much mommy guilt to provide any useful information.

With my eldest, I feel like we are entering parenting PHASE II. He can think and process things. He showers, dresses, eats and generally takes care of his homework and daily stuff on his own. He has an opinion (well, they all have opinions - especially THE BABY) but his opinion is starting to matter. Parenting is turning into guiding moral issues, spiritual issues, friend issues, heart issues. And, I find, what he needs most is for me to be his champion and biggest fan. We had some issues over the weekend. One left him retreating in his closet to sort things out. I find this funny because I retreat to my closet in times of despair and deep thought. I highly reccommend it.

Anyway, I find him in the closet and I lay down next to him and tell him that my closet is really a much nicer spot (larger and not so messy) and that as my beloved son he can borrow it whenever he sees fit. This causes his teary face to giggle and I know that I have been "let in." We talk for a bit, cry for a bit, and the long and short of it is I tell him that I love him and he is safe here. Home is safe and I believe what he is telling me. A wave of relief washes over him and we exit the closet for a round of Rock Band on the X-box. (I can play the bass on the "hard" level on two songs, by the way).

Hours later, he tells me. "thanks, mom."

"for what, my love?" I ask.

"for believing me."

wow, the diapers and sleepless nights were easier.

from 4 to 6

2008-03-20T22:12:00.002-04:00

so my sis-in-law was out of town on a field trip with one of her kids. She left her other two (ages 5 and 9) with my very capable brother. The only problem is my brother got the horrible flu that has been knocking people out. So, for three days last week, I picked his kids up from school and kept them till bath time.

This added two to our mix of four, thus the six. There was hardly a difference. It must be because they older. Jeff looked strangely at the sight of a girl other than me in our house and I actually got to brush little girl hair! She was however, wearing Power Ranger jammies and was playing guns with the twins. Sigh. She had a ball.

Going from one to three was A LOT. Adding # 4 was a tad traumatic for other reasons, but the addition of #5 and #6 was pretty easy. Or, it could be because they can almost care for themselves.

Whenever I talk to moms of LOTS and LOTs of kids (more than 5 or 6) they always seem to say that once you get past 4 or 5, it does not make a difference.

hmmmm, I don't think we are ever going to find out.

Blake

2008-03-19T22:44:00.003-04:00

so, the drug story on Blake.

Blake has been a snotty mess for years. He is allergic to, well, everything, and February and March are always difficult. The oak and pollen tear up him and Jeff and Jeffrey. We manage it well (as well as could be expected, I suppose) and are always looking and researching how we can best help him. Blake knows what he is allergic to and will ask if chocolate has peanuts in it or if he can eat something or not.

As the outdoor allergy season came close, we started taking him to an allergist. We put him on Zyrtec which has been a miracle allergy drug for a lot of people we know. We started seeing a lot of emotional break-downs - he would cry over every little thing and tell us "I can't help it." We wrote it off as a phase and a side effect to feeling lousy. If you have ever had an allergy - you know how the allergy and medicine can make you feel.

So, we were back at the allergist for a re-check last week and he upped his Zyrtec dosage. So the next few days the emotions get worse and he has this aggressive episode on the playground. This is not as surprising as his response. Blake is a sensative, kind soul who is the first to say he is sorry (he is know to apologize for Brantley on occasion). Not only would he not apologize, but it was like he had no recollection of the event.

All of a sudden, we thought about the increased medicine dosage and put a call into the doctor. Then I did the unpardonable parenting sin - googled the medicine and its side effects. As a former infertility patient, using google to find medical advice can be the most alarming thing you have ever done. There was story after story of kids who had aggressive behavior, depression, etc. The doc calls us back and tells us that it doesn't happen often, but they have been told that before - psycho type drug result. Fantastic. I feel like mother of the year on this one.

So, I take him to see his ped, who tells me that he has heard of it before and that he is not alarmed by it. We change up the medicine and move on. Blake is back to normal, happy, love- my-life Blake. The snot is better and summer is coming (the end of oak / pollen season). The ped actually suggested a week at the beach to get away from the pollen.

Can our health insurance pay for that?

Can I get a doctor's note?

Andrew

2008-03-19T22:24:00.004-04:00

So for those of you who don't actually see me on a regular basis - I noticed that the last time I talked about Andrew was in the midst of the agony of transition time from the Early Steps program (the one that handled all his therapy) to the public school system.

so, we all survived it and it has been the best thing for him. I praise God for paving the way for him - well before I even think of things!

His IEP meeting (individual education plan) - [great - a whole new set of abbreviations that I get to learn] - was LONG. A good friend advised taking a special education attorney with us. It was fantastic advice since the meeting lasted 3 hours and I would have shut down if he (the attorney) had not been sitting next to me. I was well prepared with my list of requests and notes of what he should be doing and what we wanted for him. Two hours into the thing, I told Jeff - childbirth is easier than this - at least during childbirth someone will give you drugs!!

There was only one person there that was an ass - sorry - but she was. She bascially said that if individual speech therapy had not "fixed" him by now, why would we bother to keep at it?? umm, hello??? Now, I am all for throwing out a plan that does not work, but if you are dieting and exercising and slowing losing weight each week, it would be like someone saying - well - you aren't thin yet, so just stop what you are doing. It makes no sense and my attorney ate her for lunch. I love a well-matched confrontation and it was a bit fun to see the sparks fly. That is, of course, when I did not want to cry.

We had a long debate over the difference between a HOP and a JUMP (yes, I am serious). For the record, a hop is one foot in the air - a JUMP is both feet off the ground. Also for the record, Andrew can hop but cannot yet jump.

We walked away a little battered and bruised with a request for some independent evaluations to be done, but other than that, things were ok.

The important thing is that Andrew has an amazing, wonderful teacher. It was important for me to let her know that our fighting for services for Andrew had nothing to do with her or the job that she does. I just want everything that Andrew needs and I certainly don't expect her to do all the work. It does take an amazing amount of people to raise my family! I don't even want to add up all the teachers, doctors, therapists, family members, baby sitters, friends, etc. that keep our group going.

So, long story, not so short, Andrew started public school in January at the ripe old age of 3 years one month. He has a back-pack and school shoes. He waits in the pick up line and gets a hug from the lunch lady every day. He is the youngest member of the school since other children don't start till kindergarden. There are 6 kids in his class and he has been invited and attended two birthday parties. The other kids are fantastic and the little girls think he is their real life baby doll.

Since starting school, he is being potty trained, has taken off with his vocabulary, and is generally growing up nicely. He is becoming a big boy. He has taken a turn in maturity and has gotten a "green light" for behavior each day. I love that his reports tell us things like, "drew on the paper today - not on the table." Jeff wanted to know how he could draw without a table?? No, I told him - it means that he only colored on the paper - he did not color on the table!

He thinks that he is way cool and we do too.

Way to go, Andrew.

still around...

2008-03-19T21:28:00.003-04:00

so it has been so long that it is hard to jump back in.

I'm moving back here since I have been getting emails about the other account!

sooooooooo, long long time and no chat.

I've got American Idol going - waiting to see who gets voted off. The boys have all been put to bed so it is a beautiful time of day!

Lots to catch up on - no time to look back - so here is some current scoop.

Andrew - showing off for his school teacher by pooping and peeing on the potty everyday. Little turkey has yet to tinkle once on the potty at home. He is starting to talk a LOT - why did we pray so hard for him to be able to talk?? someone remind me, please.

Brantley - the king of sass - heavily involved in legos and Star Wars game cube. His favorite comment, is "awww, great." If you have ever heard Jeff say it, you have heard exactly how Brantley says it!

Jeffrey - the king of Rock Band. I don't think that all nine year olds can play rock band drums on the expert level, but they might, not really sure. He still loves his hair long. He is constantly negotiating a later bed time and a better deal.

Blake - he is our "doodle." Poor guy has been an allergy mess. We have logged multiple hours in the allergist, ped, ENT, and labs. If we can make it through oak & pollen season, things will be better. I have drug horror story - but will save that for a later date. He is doing better. He has to wash out his sinuses with a squirt bottle at night. That is a real blast (note the sarcasm). He is a trooper. He loves all things boy - guns especially - so beware coming around the corner in our house - you might get shot.

The business website is almost done and we just premiered our spring line. We had a princess pj party and girls showed up in their jammies and tiaras. Too fun!

So, it is not a long update, but better than nothing, I guess! Pictures soon, I promise.

Moving Out...

2008-01-03T19:59:00.000-05:00

The blog has moved to a new site...

here is the link:

http://web.mac.com/mollyvoth/Site/Blog/Blog.html

Visit us there for news and lots of pictures!

Happy New Year!

Wow

2007-11-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

so I feel like I am at my high school reunion - so much to catch up on - not really sure where to start. First of all, sorry for the long time, no post thing. We've been rather, busy, and I hate that word. I just read my last post and that seems like a lifetime ago.

so, here goes summary to get you all caught up...

crazy fun summer - 4 boys - lots of sun - lots of time in the pool - quick cruise to the Bahamas just me and Jeff and 3 other couples - will have to post pictures of this - we all looked quite fabulous - did a formal night and all that stuff.
boys are back in school - Jeffrey hit the 3rd grade - sigh - and loves to wear his hair long. He has 18 webkins and can build a small city in legos. enough said.
twins - are in different classes which = separate birthday parties - meaning they get invited to separate parties - they will have to share on again. This has proved to be quite interesting. I think they are loving having some time to be just themself - but we still find them snuggled in the bed together.
Andrew - more on him later
Jeff - still working from home which I LOVE. I can leave a sleeping child here and go pick another one up from school. I think this might have saved my sanity this year.
Heart & Home- my business is in its second season and is going strong. We have had 2-3 home shows each week and are working on the web site. Ok, Jeff is supposed to be working on the web site, but we haven't had time, so maybe .... oh, we'll get around to it.
me - no races or Muddy Buddy adventure courses to report. We laugh about it but have not commited to anything yet. I need a race so I can set some goals. My legs have not pounded the pavement running since July - boo - so need to work on that.

alright, so sorry about the bullet point summary of life at our house, but, well, it is the best I can do.

so, back to Andrew.

Andrew is still a doll and a ton of fun. He is doing great at school and loves to play cars and go see Pap-paw and Pap-paw (which is Pap-paw and Mam-maw, but he calls them the same name). The crazy part of dealing with Down Syndrome seems to be getting ready to start. He turns three next month - don't even get me started on this - how can my baby be turning three?? The issue is that the six hours of week of therapy he has been receiving goes away. He transitions out of the state Early Steps program and the school system "takes over" his case. While we thought this would be an easy transition, the system - don't know what else to call it - has made statements like "oh, he won't qualify for ______ service" - when they have never laid eyes on him. We have been assembling his advocacy team and actually spent three hours with an eduation attorney this week.

I have to stop here and ask the question - "where the heck was this info in the parenting book?" Oh, wait, there is not a parenting book about this. Or, if there is, I have not found it. You know that you would totally step in front of a bus for your child, but you never expect that you really have to. The meetings and fights of this week alone have been exhausting, and I thank God for the people he has dropped in our lap to help. On attorney day, I decided that I had enough. I did not want to fight. I wanted to pack up my kids and go live on an island and live off love. I hated Down Syndrome and the issues it brings. I hated the system and what I had to fight against. I hated the emotional toil it was bringing on my family. (as a side note, I do not blame or fault Andrew for any of this - totally not his problem - he is just a high maintenance little cuss).

So anyway, I am ususally not one for much of a pity party, but I was all done. The kids have had dinner and I needed to escape. But where? Where do you go? My closet called, and I curled in a ball on the floor of that blessedly quiet, dark, room and prayed. I did not think much - did not really care about much - I just took a break. My only concern was that I would not leave the closet, but hoped that I might start to smell or be missed after a few days, so I did not linger on that concern for too long.

At some point, Jeff missed me, and I guess had heard me go in. Wise man that he is, he opened the door and saw me lying there. Oh, no, I thought, please don't try to make me feel better. I am so enjoying wallowing in my own little space. All he said was, "Can I get you a pillow and blanket?" I knew there was a reason I married him.

I eventually came out of the closet - and directly hit the bed. It is amazing what a night's sleep will do for your perspective. A wise girlfriend suggested a shower, makeup and great outfit - why that changes things, I don't know, but that helped as well.

There is no battle this weekend - just a final round of soccer games and time with my boys. I'll try and catch up with some pictures. We have another round of evaluations on Monday. We would appreciate any prayers for these. Andrew is a riot for these sessions - he totally loves a room full of women clapping for anything he does. Pray that he is able to receive the services he needs and that Jeff and I have the wisdom to know what to fight for and what path to tread for him.

I promise pictures and more updates than once every 3 months! Well, promise may be a strong word - how about I'll try??

whew, and summer is here

2007-05-27T23:17:00.000-04:00

so, since we have last chatted, I feel a bit like the world has been turned upside down and shaken on its side. so much to catch up with - can't be concerned with grammar and correct sentence structure and all...I might just opt for bullet points.

April - the twins turned FOUR. It only took four years, but we had a b-day party for the little buggers.

This calls for a photo...

I mean, how cute is that?? sigh. Let's find another...

Ok, now let me hunt down a b-day picture...

here is Brantley with his very own Sponge Bob cake...And Blake with motorcycle Mickey Mouse...

It was two hours of chaos, cake, pizza, Lord knows how many video game tokens, and way too much soda, but a grand time was had by all - including Andrew... who did NOT like Chuck E Cheese.

Somewhere in April we celebrated Easter - all of my siblings were together - which is always fun - so here are some pics from that.

This is all the nieces and nephews (except Andrew) on my side of the family. This was their "silly" shot. It was cold for Easter - esp. in Florida, but the kids (and adults) had a good time.

Fast forward to May - Mother's Day. Love Mother's Day at Preschool.

Blake writes... (well, the teacher asks - and the kids respond)-

MY MOM-Blake's answers are in " "

My mom's name is "Aunt Molly."

She is "50" years old and has "brown" eyes and "black" hair. (these kids are aging me)

Her favorite food is "cheese taco with meat on the side" (WHAT? - I hate taco night)

She likes to "cook dinner in the pot." (umm, I guess)

I love my Mom because she "lets me be crazy with her - like wrestle." (now, that's my boy!)

Priceless stuff, here.

Brantley's Answers...

My Mom's name is "Molly"

she is "10" years old (at least I was younger than 50) with "brown" hairs and "brown" eyes (closer than black!).

She likes to "work her paper with stamps" - maybe I spend too much time at my desk??

I love my mom because "she plays tag with me." (funny, only because we don't play tag!).

So, how did I spend Mother's day? Running the MUDDY BUDDY of course - with my dear friend, Steph. We did a 7 mile adventure thing - run, bike, run, bike, run - with obstacle courses - and then you crawl through the mud pit to get to the finish. It was more difficult than child-birth (maybe a bad example because I was heavily medicated for all births) and I was so relieved for it to be over.

Here is some proof - we did really do this...

We did wear pink. We did wear make-up. We di have jewels on our helmets. And pretty girls actually do sweat!

Of course, on the actual day, we went to Disney with my cuties - that bring me so much joy (and exhaustion).

We have finished the school year - and this weekend kicks off summer. In other highlights...

my brother and family are moving to South Carolina. We are excited for them - sad for us. I am sure the highway and video-cam on our computers will get a lot of use!
our office has gone "virtual" - so we are working from home - quite interesting when all six of us are here! Jeff locks himself away from us - I can't seem to escape!
my new business is off and running - we did shows in May and are booking more shows in June. It is a steep learning curve, but lots of fun.

So, whew, there you have it. I'll leave you with a few more pictures...