It is well with my soul...

I'm in Daytona Beach. I'm with the kids - my four and my niece, Caroline. Yes, one adult, five kids. It sounded like a good idea at the time. Well, come to find out, it was a good idea. A great one, in fact.

In the past 72 hours, I have gone back in time in my childhood - and lept forward in time in my mind - a glimpse of the future with my children. The mystical pull of the ocean - the force out - the waves rolling in - have rolled over and over and over in my heart and soul. I have spent at least 10 hours in the past two days in the surf. It has been sunny. It has rained. The tide has been out. The tide has been in. The surf has been mellow. The surf has been strong. I am reminded of my love of the ocean, and am thrilled to have watched all of my children fall in love with the ocean as well.

A quick look back in time. I took Jeffrey to the beach when he was less than two. I met my sister in Sarasota, and we laugh about it till this day. The weather was terrible. I put Jeffrey's feet in the sand and he FREAKED OUT. We lasted a day and packed up that party and came home.

When Jeff and I dated, we went to the beach. I love the beach. The salt air. The sand. The sun. The sunset. The surf. The quiet. The roar of the ocean. The combination of it all I loved it as a little girl. It soothes me and inspires me. Fast forward a lot of years and add four kids to the mix and, needless to say, our days at the beach have been limited. Take a few trips with really little ones and hear comments like, "It's too hot, I hate the salt water, blah blah blah" and you stop going.

But the lure of the ocean is strong to me. It reminds me of the call of God in my life - a quiet whisper with some massive power backing it up - tugging at your soul.

So, a few weeks ago, I get on-line and book three days at Daytona Beach. My mom spent her Jr. year of high school here. My parents have a time-share here so we can stay for cheap (i.e. free). I thought I was booking Labor Day weekend, but had looked at my calendar wrong. Throw in our bathroom remodel due to a water leak, stressful work, and our A/C going on the fritz. It was time for me to GET OUT of town. I pack the kids up. I leave hubbie at home (sniff sniff). We get here.

So we check in. We hit the beach. I barely put suncreen on the kids- knowing that the complaints of heat, salty, sandy pain will be coming soon. I am planning of spending lots of time by the pool and in our room.

But something strange happens. My children fall in love with the ocean. The waves are strong and inviting. They are intimidating, but not too scary. We start sitting in the edge of the surf. The water pulls out. The waves crash in. The water pulls out. The waves crash in. And the love affair begins.

A quick trip and $81 dollars later, we hit the beach again - armed with boogie boards and beach toys. The romance continues.

May I never forget how Andrew stands in the surf with his hands on his hips. He chases the waves and then runs from them. In moments of strength, he puts his hands on his hips and lets them crash over him. He points his finger at them and commands the waves back. He grows weary of them and retreats for the shore. He delights in them.

Jeffrey swims out past the point that I am really comfortable. He lingers on the edge. He waits. He watches. He calcualates. I can almost see him thinking it out - is this the best wave - or could it be the next one?!? He is more patient than I am. He catches some great ones. He probably misses some too. I'm still not sure. He is triumphant over some. He is humbled by others.

Blake. Blake attacks the surf. He is concerned for those arround him. He is aware of where I am - and when I am watching - and when I am not. He has boundless energy. At moments, I know his eczema must be making him miserable - it is so bright red with the salt and sun. But, Blake, being Blake, meets the challenges head on. He ignores the pain. He soaks in the moment. He rides every wave he can. Small waves. Big waves. He delights in being alone in the surf. He delights in being with his family. He is brave. He is courageous. But he is always aware of where he is - and where I am. When the surf takes him too far, he walks back up the beach to come back to "center". He is so naturally athletic, that he easily picks up the timing of when to kick, when to turn, when to surrender, when to push past the force of one sweeping over him. He celebrates each great ride with thumbs up and shouts of glory.

Brantley. Brantley is fearless. He is blonde and beautiful and a tiny speck in the vast ocean. I am so glad he picked a board that is covered in yellow flames. It was the only way I could find him out in the surf - out farther than he probaly should have been. He loved surfing in a way I cannot give words to. He did not fight the waves. He worked with them. He pushed against them - they pushed back - he surrendered to them and they carried him to the shore. Time ceased to exist for him out there. Moments would pass and Brantley would be a few hotels away. Oblivious that the surf had taken him so far down the beach. He would stop, chase birds, build sandcastles and then return for more. He could care less if anyone was arround. It was him and the ocean. He needed little else.

We all ended the day as the sun crept away. I could barely believe we were still out there at 7:00 at night. We were all in surf at this point - us and not many others. A storm was starting to roll in and the waves were picking up. Andrew was on the shore and in the edge of the water. The rest of us were far out. A large wave rolled in. We were all tired and ready to come in together. Until it took most of us out! It battled with Blake the most. He missed the timing and it threw him so hard, he rolled under it and hit bottom face first and came up with a bloody nose and scrapes all over his face. The rest of us were so shocked by its force, that we weren't sure what to do. Some of us made it in - and others, well, not so much. We limped to shore. I rushed over and scooped up my warrior, Blake, and tried to balance being proud of him for coming to shore scraped and bloody and being terrified that he was coming to shore scraped and bloody!

What life lesson the ocean holds for us. The rhythm of the ocean is so soothing - the in, the out, the constant motion of the tides. The day to day routines are claming to us. But how, like life, the ocean can seem to turn on us. Just when we think we are in control, on top of the wave - we are sucked under. We hit the bottom and come up bloody and hurt.

I find it fascinating, though, that the best advice for surviving a rip tide, is to SURRENDER to it. Relax. Surrender. Take a deep breath before you go under and you will get spit back out in an area of calm. Hopefully, in that area of calm, is someone that will scoop you up and put ice on your bloody wounds. Someone to tell you that you are a brave warrior. Someone to hold your hand and wade back into the surf with.

There is zero adventure in sitting in the sand. There is no fun in staying on shore. There is no guarantee of safety in water, though. It might make you bloody and bruised if you get out there. But whether you wait for the perfect wave, or if you try and ride every one of them, or even if you just stand in the surf and feel the water rush over your feet - at least you are out there. I tried to figure out which way of riding the waves brought the most joy today - but have finally decided that there is beauty in each of the ways we deal with the sea.

I know my children did not think the deep thoughts that I did today - thoughts of their futures - and how they might approach them - as I watched them play in the surf. As I watched them stand up to the waves - and then watch them surrender to the waves. I watched them think they were in control - and then I watched the ocean show them differently. I watched them exhilirated by the experience. I see them now all asleep in their beds - exhausted by the experience.

I delight that they each, in their own way, love the ocean like I do. I pray that they understand God better by the experiences they have had this weekend. Maybe not now. Maybe one day when they watch their own children play in the surf.

And, lastly, I am reminded by the words of one of my favorite hymns...
"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul."

May it be well with your soul today.

A long over-due update...Back to school...

Week 3 of school starts tomorrow. The routine of life has started to settle in. I wish every weekend was 3 days. I kind of like that groove = 4 days of hard work - 3 days of play. Yes, I could do that!

So much to catch you up on. Let's start with the obvious. SCHOOL. We have had major changes in this arena in the Voth household. Let me also say that I can totally get on a soap box on this whole issue of school and school choice. Let me also say that I know have tried them all - private Christian school, public school, and home school. Let me also say that each family has to decide what is best for them - and their family. We always say (and mean) that each year we prayerfully consider what is best for each child and where that child is - academically, socially and spiritually. These are agonizing choices. It seems that Jeff and I spend a great deal of time praying and debating the "what is best?" question. I could argue eloquently for private school (and have). I could argue eloquently for homeschool (and have). I could argue eloquently for public school (and have).

Enter school year 2010-2011. No. Wait. Back up to last year. The older 3 were in private Christian school and Andrew was in public school. What I find ironic here is that public school "does" special needs kids and most private schools do not. Private schools argue that they do not have the funding, training and resources to deal with special needs kids. I argue that Jeff and I did not have the funding and training and resources to deal with a special needs kid either, but I don't want to climb too much on that soap box. In fairness, the law requires that the public school deal with my child. I would argue that God's law requires that the private school deal with my child as well, so I guess I did climb on that soap box. Anyway, the bottom line is we had 3 in private and 1 in public.

Last year was a fabulous year in the private school. All the boys had great teachers. They got a great education. They were learning the Bible as well as great academics. But, we felt our house was segregated. We were starting to answer questions like, "so, WHY can't Andrew come to school with us." And, the whole private school thing is expensive. I mean EXPENSIVE. So as last year drew to a close, Jeff and I felt God moving us in a different direction. I was working a million hours. We weren't spending time together as a family. We felt scattered as the school year drew to a close. It was time for a change.

So, for the first time EVER, all my kids are in public school. They have the same calendar of days off. They started on the same day and will end on the same day - same spring break - same Christmas holiday, etc. Jeffrey went to Middle School, so they aren't all at the same school, but they are all at the same type of school.

So, off they go. They were all excited about it. We were nervous, but trusting God for our children's direction. Jeff was going from a school with a total enrollment of 125 to one of over 1000 (in just middle school). Mama was nervous. But off they went. As we enter week 3, I have to tell you, I am pleasantly surprised. They are all doing awesome. Academically, they are being challenged (dare I say more than private school). Socially, they are being challenged. I had a friend once tell me that going to private school was buying your child's peer group. I think there is a lot more wisdom in that than I care to admit. It is easier to go to school when all the parents are shelling out the big bucks to be there. Your motivations are shared. Spiritually, they are being challenged. Or should I say, Jeff and I are being called to step up to the plate. We are having to guide and coach and pray more. That is not necessarily a bad thing.

We hit the first week of school with some new rules. On school nights (Sun - Thurs), there is "no screens" after 5:30 (and that is for mom and dad too - yes, no iphone email!). We are eating dinner together every night - and then there is no TV or media till bedtime. We are playing cards, reading books, doing the dishes, packing backpacks, etc. without rush. It has been a fabulous change for our family that was constantly checking email, working, watching TV, etc.

The biggest joy has been to see my 3 little ones bond. Blake and Brantley walk Andrew to class every morning. They did not let me get out of the car from day one. They get to see each other at lunch, etc. This environment seems much more natural to them. At this school, Andrew is not different. He is not a "special needs kid." He is just a student like everyone else. They can tell the difference. Andrew can tell the difference. Andrew has matured in the past two weeks. I will give you the full blown potty story in another post, but the changes in all of them have been good. The lack of financial stress and volunteer stress that comes with private school life is gone. That has been good for our family too. (i.e. - good for ME!).

Jeffrey (a.k.a. gangsta jeff) is getting a multi-cultural experience! LOL! The school he is going to seems to be a well oiled machine. He loves changing classes, buying lunch, etc. He is making friends and growing up in a good way. I'm a proud mama.

So, they are off to a new school year. My baby is in regular kindergarten. The twins are in 1st grade. Jeff is in middle school. The nest is QUIET during the day for 7 hours. Daddy Jeff and I have adjusted quite nicely to this, I can assure you of that! ;)