my head might explode

so, much is going on in Voth land - and very little at the same time.

Little - that would be defined by (1) I'm not busy at work right now and (2) I'm not doing any Heart & Home stuff till March and (3) we have very very little on our social calendars (which is a good thing)

Much - that would e defined by (1) lots of sick kids - stomach flu, bronchitis, and now regular flu - (2) me doing allergy tests and being allergic to, well, everything.

so, that has led to a re-newed quest for wellness - for me - the kids - relief from the allergies, asthma, eczema, blah blah blah. Which, is what is leading to my head exploding. The more research I do, the more it starts to swim. Add some more research and the thought that it might explode is starting to cross my mind. Jeff suggests that I come watch some mindless movie with him and Jeffrey and I think I am going to go do that.

so, more to come on the quest - OH - AND - Andrew was chosen student of the month at his school - pictures and glowing mommy and daddy moments will be coming soon, I promise.

The Greatest Show on Earth - NOT

We had the tickets, the grandparents, and visions of getting to watch an elephant disappear as I took the three big boys to the Circus today. We get there, walk forever, find our seats as the National Anthem is being played. With that, the lights dim, the music blares, fairies come from the ceiling and the master of ceremonies comes to center ring. And within the first two minutes, no, the first 30 seconds, Blake FREAKS OUT. He starts screaming that he is scared. I try to talk him off the ledge. But as I pull him into my lap, I can acutally feel him shaking and his heart racing. Not wanting him to grow up hating the circus, clowns, and elephants - I ask Brantley a quick "are you scared? Response = NO, so I tell my parents that we are bailing out. Flush $30 bucks per seat down the toilet. I take Blake out and he calms down. I call Jeff and he drives downtown and picks him up so we (me, Brantley, Jeffrey and other family memebers) can enjoy the rest. So, I spend the first half of the circus sitting on park bench outside the Ice Palace. sigh. I walk all the way back in, find my seat again, check on Brantley and Jeffrey (Who are enthralled with the whole thing) and with that, they bring up the lights and take a break! Fantastic. I did get to enjoy the second half. As it starts, Brantley tells me that he is ready to go - and I tell him NO (he wasn't scared, just missed Blake) - so he settles in and we watch the rest. I am sure for some it is the Greatest Show on Earth - for me is just felt like the most expensive, scary, stressful show on earth. I doubt I will go back with the littler ones any time soon - say - in the next five years or so!

maybe he's normal after all

normal. the word gets tossed around a lot in the parenting world. Retarded. That one does too. When we were kids, we called the dog retarded. I called my brother retarded. It is not until you have someone who, well, has mental retardation that you really think twice about the word and you don't want it used negatively. (Esp. against my kid!) I kind-of choke on the word now. It is not as funny. (except calling my brother retarded, that will always be funny)
We all want our kids to be normal. To go to school. To have friends. To enjoy life. We want them to be, well, normal.
One of my biggest Andrew fears was this expected lack of normal. He has Down Syndrome, for goodness sack, how normal could our lives ever be? Well, come to find out, rather boring and normal. I hate to burst your bubble that you have built for us - you know the one - the "oh, they must be special to have a special needs child" one.
My case for normal is proven at the infamous Chuck E. Cheese today. Looking to win mommy brownie points and also looking to kill time on the last holiday day before school starts tomorrow (thank you, Lord), I announce to the kiddos that I am taking them to the Cheese. They are thrilled. Andrew is thrilled. The twins are thrilled. I am, well, ok, I am thrilled too. I am getting to be cool mom for once.
The sad part of this experience is that Andrew has discovered that all those machines do magical things if you ACTUALLY PUT A COIN IN THEM. We went for a good 3 years of being able to just sit in the race car game in total enjoyment of it! But, sigh, no, he had his own token cup. He wandered off on his own. He burned through all his money. He even told a worker, "I LOST" when he could not find me (i.e. to get more coins). He sat and ate pizza. He danced with Chuckie. He played in the playground area. He complained when the money ran dry. He traded his tickets for crap toys. It was all beautifully beautifully normal.

(He did get extra tickets from a worker. They threw some to the kids who danced with Chuckie. All the other little urchins were scrapping like the things were gold. Andrew very politely picked up the ones in front of him. The worker found this quite endearing and gave him a handful when the other kids walked away. I am sure there is a lesson there, somewhere.) I am only sorry I did not take pictures. I guess I lose the mommy points for that.

a fresh start

I think what I love most about a new year is the fresh start. We start over with the budget, the diet, the schedule - all of it. love it, love it, love it. But, I do tend to have a bit of OCD so I have been organizing, purging and cleaning like, well, a mad woman. My closet is clean as is my pantry and the kids' stuff. Our inside is in desperate need of a new paint job so that has fueled the effort as well. I have not answered the phone or email for a week - due to strep throat - but also in an effort to do what we lovingly call - "fall back and re-group." It is a time to work through it all - and ask - what is working and what isn't.
What is working is that we have been good about keeping up with date night and spending time as a family, so we want to protect that in 2009.
What is not working is that I have not seen a treadmill or a run in months and months and feel like crap as a result. So, that needs tweaking.
The kids' school schedule is good. The homeschool gig needs some tweaking, but is over-all a success. The budget is always in need of work. :)
As the boys get older, we grow more focused on "heart" training - teaching them to love God and then love others so that is getting more focus in 2009 as well.
We are well aware that all of us are but a breath away from difficult circumstance, so we take a long breath, count our blessings and look with hope to 2009.
Blessings to you and your family in the New Year!