A perfect way to ring in the New Year

no, we did not plan the perfecct party.  Strep throat has descended on our house and the feeling of rawness in the back of my throat is a pretty good sign that I've got it too.  However, I received an email today from the Armstrong Family.  They are the family that lost their precious Harris earlier this month.  Their words of faith and encouragement are the perfect way to bring in 2009.  I hope they do not mind me sharing them....

From our family to yours - be blessed in 2009.

From the Team Zone Notification:

Best Wishes for a Happy and Prosperous New Year!



Full of Hope, Patience, and Faith we remain in Him,

The Armstrong Family



This past May we shared Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” with our most beautiful and bright niece for her high school graduation, and now find ourselves standing on this verse while looking ahead with Hope for the New Year.



Recently we were reminded by our friends at Giving Hope through Faith Foundation of a quote made in the movie Evan Almighty regarding the question of Patience and petition of prayer. God was talking to Evan’s wife and said, “Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”



A number of the verses they corresponded to these questions offers perseverance as another word for exercising Patience:



“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:36 (LB) and “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your Faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4 (NIV)



As our family’s Faith has grown we no longer believe so much in coincidences including the fond memory of hearing Pastor Craig’s sermon involving the latter verse, and discussing with Harris its meaning and application afterwards.

Hopefully we in turn incorporated James 1:2-4 in one of Harris’ team updates.



We would like to leave with you in closing 2008 and ushering in 2009, a brief article written by Eloise Neel titled Looking Ahead with Hope who without coincidence leads off with Jeremiah 29:11.



Robert Goddard, the father of modern rocket propulsion, said, “Just remember – when you think all is lost, the future remains.” And this rocket scientist knew that what lies in our future is hope! By 1926, Goddard had constructed and successfully tested the first rocket, using liquid fuel. A liquid fuel rocket constructed on principles developed by him landed humans safely on the moon in 1969.



What a wonderful way to look at the new year ahead of us – with hope and expectations of the hopeful! What will be in store for us in the year ahead? These words from Scripture can encourage us as we think about a new year:



“You will be firmly established and unafraid. For you will forget your suffering, recalling it only as waters that have flowed by. Your life will be brighter than noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. You will be confident, because there is hope. Your will look carefully about and lie down in safety.” Job 11:15-18 Homan Christian Standard Bible



Ah, hope. What a gift to receive all wrapped up in a bright new year, a fresh start, a new beginning, because the future still remains unexplored, untried, just waiting for us.

The Christmas Card that was NOT

so we got a flurry of Christmas cards in today's mail, and to each of you, I say, THANK YOU and WELL DONE.  For the first time in a long time, I have not done a Christmas card.  I had high hopes and high expectations, but the picture never got taken, and the thoughts did not get written, so here we are at the eve of New Year's Eve and, well, sigh, no Christmas Card.  Good thing is that I have a low tolerance for personal guilt and I end the year with - I'll try again next year.

What I really wanted to post is the wish list that we all think about but do not admit to:

Let's start with Andrew.  Andrew, our sassy little 4 year old man with Down Syndrome.  He is magical in his own way and his needs are few.  What he really wishes for is to sleep in the "big bed" EVERY night without being sent back to his lousy toddler bed.  He would like to dine on waffles and chicken nuggets all the time (no matter the time of day) as well as popsicles, fruit roll ups and cookies. He doesn't want to have to "do" speech therapy (although he loves hanging out with his therapist) and would prefer to eat junk, watch TV (Veggie Tales and Clifford), and sit in his mama's lap.  I agree, Andrew, rock on.

Brantley.  His true Christmas wish is to live at LEGO land and have every LEGO ever made.  He really does not want to eat anything other than Chick-fila and Burger King and would live off Goldfish and milk if that was an option.  He does not want to be bothered by others and would like to watch Sponge Bob and hang out at home.  He loves school but hate the mornings. He loves his bed and woobies and getting in the big bed around 6 am.

Blake.  His true wish is for world peace.  Seriously, he loves God and loves his mama.  He plays hard and works hard.  He is irritated by the tedious daily tasks that life requires and has a question for every answer out there.  He would love to exist off of love and root beer and football and any other outdoor sport.

Jeffrey. a.k.a. Jeff.  His wish is for his mama to call him Jeff and not Jeffrey. His mama's issue is that daddy is Jeff and he is Jeffrey, but is trying, none-the-less.  He, too, would exist off of root beer and sugar.  He loves Rock Band, Football and being with his buddies.  His Christmas wish would be for all play, no work, no school.  He is growing up too fast and too beautifully.  Watching him work at the food bank over the holidays was something his mama will always cherish.

Jeff a.k.a. Daddy. His wish is for a debt-free existence, happy children and a naked wife. (did I just post that?)  His Christmas wish is for more time on the camper and less time on the clock.  He continues to love his boys and his woman and we all adore him for both.

Molly a.k.a. Mama - Her true wish would be to eat whatever she wants and not get fat.  To never have to go to an I.E.P. meeting or parent/teacher conference again.  To sleep late, read lots of books, play with her kids, decorate her house, and not have to worry about work, budgets, family harmony or life in general.

So, there you have the true nitty-gritty of our Christmas list. There is no picture.  There is no tidings of joy.  We do wish for world peace, but so does every Miss America's contestant.

Aw, forget it, I'm going to play Rock Band II with my kid.

blog makeover

so my Christmas gift to myself is a blog make-over.  I am TIRED of its current look and am looking to blog more in 2009, so she needs a good make-over.  So, any suggestions?  Any designers that you love?  Shoot me an email.  I thought I was tech-savy and would do it myself, but have decided that would be like me fixing the sink or car (a good effort - but disasterous in the end!)

how much info?

so the topic of discussion tonight was - how much is too much information to post on your blog. Writing has been therapeutic for me - working through having a special needs child, four children, working, etc. My thought/desire is to be transparent with my life - the good, the bad, the ugly. Because, frankly, anything can be a blog post.

What is difficult is deciding - where do you draw the line. How much is too much information. What I love about reading blogs is the feeling of truly getting to know someone else. But, I also don't want to embarass anyone - my friends, my family, my husband! So, where do you draw the line? How much is too much information? Too little information = boring. TMI = embarassing. Where is the balance.

I don't write about my siblings (or Jeff's siblings) because, well, that is their junk - do they really want me sharing it? So, siblings, chime in. Would it be weird if I talked about you?

I have read blogs that you feel like you know their siblings - but then you find out there is another sibling that is never mentioned! (probably because he/she said - hey - don't mention ME!).

and the whole picture thing. I totally post pictures of my kids on my blog. Never really thought too much about it. Should I? Then I read about some weird chick who was posting on a discussion board and had totally stole another blogger's life (kid pictures, circumstances, etc.) OK, so that is creepy and pathetic.

So, I am wading through cyber-world and learning the ropes with all my friends in the computer.
Where do you draw the line?

fa la la

I am delighted to report that all my teacher gifts have been delivered.  I find the teacher gift option to be much more stressful than buying for my family, so, sigh, they are gone and that feels great!  Now, I am ready!  Bring on the holiday!

Christmas Play

So, today was the B's Christmas play.  It is our last year at their school (it is preschool to kindergarden) and they are big men in the kindergarden class.  Earlier this week, Blake tells me that they don't need costumes (love their school) - but then tells me later in the week that he is not "in" the program - and is but a singer that needs to wear "dark pants and a nice shirt."  For some other family, this may not seem like a difficult thing, but my boys live in jeans and t-shirts, so I go on a limb and buy black pants and a sweater (Blake picked them so he would actually wear them) from Target (on sale - $9.99 and 5.99 - as I know he will NEVER wear them again.)  I email the teacher and she informs me that Blake is, indeed, in the performance and that he is a shepherd - and Brantley is a wise-man. ok, we are good to go.

I over-sleep after a 1:00 am bedtime (WHY do I do this to myself?) and we are rushing out the door.  I am to help get costumes on and Jeff is on SAVE THE SEATS duty as this performance is better attended than the superbowl.  I rush into the sanctuary looking for my charming husband and home-schooled son, whom I am sure are saving seats down front. NOTHING.  I dial his cell and I get the news that he is still circling for a parking space.  I would like to say that I displayed patience and loving behavior, but instead I got pissed (sorry) and take my place on the aisle in the LAST ROW of the church.

My mom comes, the J's (Jeff SR and JR) get settled and I try to keep my head from spinning off.  I take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and remember that this is about Jesus and Blake and Brantley singing of his birth and learning about the real meaning of Christmas.  I apologize to the J's for being a grump and settle in.

Brantley was splendid in his purple crown and robe - and thrilled to have a prop.  Blake, thrilled NOT to have a prop was delightful in his shepherd garb.  The narrator (not one of my children) took a deep sigh and announced that the wisemen brought gifts of gold, frankensince, and MURRAY which got a good chuckle from the audience.  Four songs later, pictures taken, and whew, we are done.  The kindergarden sits down and the 3-year olds start to go up to sing.

Realizing that we are, indeed, on the BACK row and seeing other kindergarden parents in the lobby, we discover that we don't have to stay to listen to the 3-year olds and 4-year olds sing - so in Christmas love, we slip out and surrender our standing room only seats to some other parents.

I would post pictures, but out camera battery is dead and the charger is missing (don't even get me started) so we borrowed my FIL's camera and I don't have a cable to upload/download (not sure really which) the pictures of my very handsome nativity figures.  I had worked so hard to get their hair cut (both of them) so they would look handsome and well-groomed - and they both wore HATS (or crowns).  I am sure there is a lesson there about pride, but I don't even want to think about it.

new normal II

So I take dinner to Harris' family tonight.  I was glad to get to see them at home and happy to spend some time with them.  We actually got to talk a bit about their new normal and I gave her my ass-vice (advice - but sometimes feels like you are being an ass LOL).  What I told her was:

You don't owe anyone anything.  Sometimes in a difficult situation, you feel like you need to be strong for those around you.  She is a great mom and wife.  If she wants to curl up in bed and cry for a bit, well, then do that.  I told her that sometimes for me it is difficult to go to a b-day party of a child that is Andrew's age.  I don't want to see how advanced little precious is.  That may sound shallow and bitter (it isn't), but it is the reality, so if I don't feel like going, I skip it.  I wanted her to know that she had that permission too!  I would have to think that there are going to be times when she will be around Harris' peers - and there are days she will want to - and days that she won't.

Grief is a strange thing.  Just when you think you are past it, the raw rises up and grips you.  And just when you think you are weak, God shows himself and you make it through.  They have walked the road of a horrible fear - burying a child.  It is un-natural and not the way you plan things to be.  But after a trauma, you wake up and think - ok, I am still here, so, now what, Lord?  And, delightfully, He shows us and brings us through.  Our desire for Harris' healing was healing HERE and NOW - not in Heaven where we will see him later.  In the midst of it, you think - is this - can this - really be happening?

New normals are strange.  They are a foreign land - one we may not have ever wanted to travel.  But once there, we are forced to look for the beauty - to welcome those around us - draw strength from those who have gone before us - and trust in the One who allowed us to be here in the first place.

I am reminded of the Deut. passage - "He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing."

Perhaps it is too much of a stretch - but when you are finding your way in a new normal - you feel like an alien - and knowing that God himself is on your side is comforting to me.

new normal

After we had Andrew, a very wise doctor told me (between my tears) that one day I would have a "new normal" - that I would go on vacation, go to the grocery store, and live my life again.  He told me that I would have to find my "new normal" - one that included the world of a life with a child that had Down Syndrome - not to mention a family of six - one with twins - and 19 months later our Andrew.

As Andrew's 4th birthday gets closer (Tuesday!), I would like to think that we have found our new normal.  Normal for us includes therapists, doctor visits, and IEP's.  

I think back to the early days.  Those first weeks after finding out the diagnosis take your breath away.  You wonder if you can get out of bed - much less function on a real level.  I wanted to be mature and a "big girl" about the whole thing - but wondered if I really could.  Would God really work this whole thing out for me?  Why me? and then - even more scary - why NOT me?  but, slowly, the new normal came to be.

The new normal included words and people I did not want to know - services I did not know even existed.  The learning curve was fast and steep and ever-changing.

What has rocked my world this week has been the death of Harris.  Harris was a sweet 12 year old boy at Jeffrey's school.  He got diagnosed 14 months ago with a rare cancer.  I watched his family find their new normal - in hospitals and treatments.  Their typical family of four became a family of four with a child with cancer.  All of a sudden, you (they) are under the spotlight - and not sure how you got there.  Then, suddenly - but also a long time in coming, he was gone.

We (Jeff and I) went last night to the visitation.  We went to lend support.  We do not know his parents well, but wanted to hug them and let them know we were there for them.  What we saw, however, was them being there for those who had come.  I watched people draw strength from their faith.  I watched Harris' mom explain to a little girl that had come that Harris had gone to Heaven - and that only his earthly body remained.  That she did not need to be scared and that she did not have to go and see him if she did not want to.  She was the picture of class and the picture of God's Grace.  His Dad was very much the same.  He looked thin and tired but confident that his precious one was no longer suffering and no longer in pain.

What I was not prepared for was seeing his young body in that casket.  No parent should have to bury their child.  We will all die.  But it seemed wrong that their new normal would have to be without Harris - a delightful little boy.  It seemed wrong that his little body - thin from cancer was lying in that casket.  I wanted to be strong for the mom and dad.  But after leaving, all I could do was sit in our car and cry.  Tears for the new normal that they would have to find.

We all have to learn to adjust to a new normal.  Some events that cause the new normal are

happy - marriage, birth, job promotion, etc.  Some are devastating - death, job termination, illness, etc.  

The difference is those who trust God with their new normal and those that do not.  To make sense of it all, it has to be pushed through a faith-filter, or what comes out on the other side is bitterness, denial, resentment.  Difficult times through the Lord result in faith, perseverance, love.

I read a great quote this week that said something like - if my heart has never been broken, I am never able to truly love and have compassion for those around me.  I find this to be true.  If my children were perfect - if I was perfect - I would likely stand in judgement of those in hard times around me.  However, through the difficulties of life, I am able to lend a hand to those around me - if is a helping hand - or just a shoulder to cry on - by God's grace it is there for you.

So, we pray for Harris' family in the days ahead.  They have to find their new normal as a family without him (on this earth) and that is going to have hard days.  But I am confident that they will continue to pray as they have from the start - Romans 12:12 - be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.  May we all be these.  We will miss you, Harris.